Undergraduate / UC Transfer (UC Berkeley) - Blowing Through the Constraints [2]

Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality or experience that is important to you. What about this quality makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Two weeks ago, I wrote an essay on Romeo and Juliet, and though this event might have been less commendable than brandishing a "We are the 99%" banner, it revealed my inner determination to push the limits that I had never pushed before. For you see, I had presumed that an "A" was achievable through hard work and sufficient preparation. But that mentality was easily shattered by my Shakespeare class, for every single student displayed exceptional scholarship far beyond mere work or preparation. When plot analysis was the most any English teachers drew out from students, our friend Shakespeare demanded close observance to poetic forms, literary devices, and differing language among characters, which staggered those who started "college-level" Shakespeare for the first time, including me.

Yet brilliant or not, most (if not all) students still fear "the essay" as if they are entering a war. Because we are at war; every day we sharpen our pencils as blades and learn "strategies" in class on how to tackle 7-page papers. The first major battle took place two weeks ago, and I spent days forging an impressive draft. But when I showed it to the professor for a review, she speared each page with her red pen until every idea was torn into bloody pieces. I could barely keep composure because those red marks, let alone her look of disappointment, felt so darn personal. Why had I challenged Shakespeare? What was I thinking? I even began to question the likelihood of passing the class if the rest of the semester was to proceed in this underwhelming manner. Yes; this was the very moment that determined whether I was going to give up and drop the class, or persevere but wind up with an unfavorable grade.

I did neither. That is, I strove to "blow through the constraints and find the answer," as Google's vice president once said. I was less aiming to endure the troubles than I was trying to overcome them by finding a solution. Because I could not settle for anything less than a victory, giving my 120% was my only option, and I was determined to win. With that in mind, I took another direction in tackling the paper. I rented videos of Romeo and Juliet to look for when and why characters displayed certain emotions underplayed in the text. Then, I purchased various books to read different editorials and interpretations in footnotes and vignettes about the play. Any materials that seemed valuable were the weapons for my next battle. And after three days, the composition was finalized.

A week later, the professor handed back the essay with a "B+" marked on it, a point away from an "A." Yes, I did it! Although the grade could have been better, I was extremely proud of my accomplishment. After all, my ambition to surpass my limits mattered more than the grade in the first place, for this very experience reconfirmed the willed, ambitious man I am inside, who, regardless of the challenge, will always be ready for the upcoming battle.

Please tell me what you guys think!

Writing Feedback / Crap to a Craft, David's boredom [3]

I rewrote this essay -had to expunge some unwanted epithets and needless invectives. But it felt so good when writing them

He reclined on his chair, cogitating. "What to do" he queried in his thoughts. Reading "Absent Friends" undoubtedly would harbor David boredom and writing about the synopsis of the novel for his assignment would have exacerbated his torpor. Readily after scribbling in pen regarding what transpired in the book, he threw it down in impasse when finishing up the third paragraph. He read it over scantly. Another sesquipedalian crap with exorbitant usage of intense vocabulary in tumultuous fashion. The story he recaptured proved inane. "'No one could demur to that assertion...' What does that even construe?", he berated himself. How can the creator find his creation inscrutable? The writing tyro has dawned upon the crude idea that his rhetoric required much scrutiny and permutations. Each sanity-be-damned sentences disconnected the flow of the passage. They were disjointed, disappointing, and a upshot from a defecated crap. "How revolting but mostly deluding" he cried. After reading a umpteenth slew of books, he gathered to finally be able to forge some decent work. David needed to find out why his writing emanated such foul malodor-why the message sparked no hint of intelligence and meaning.

Forthwith, David scoured for his pen once more and dug out a piece of paper. He vehemently started to jot down the exact events unfolded in the recent past. It began "He reclined on his chair, cogitating..." and by almost finishing this new craft, an effulgent epiphany alighted. It sang to him in a melodious repertoire. Then it screamed "You suck at writing because you write so little! Just by reading does not proliferate ones capability you asinine son of a lamb! Reading foments ones knowledge and ideas, but writing them makes you a better writer! You have to write and write and write perennially to master your writing concept." And with this incredibly astute, acid, erudite, incisive, caustic, reveling, dawning, arid, and most unimportantly an obvious idea, he set down his pen, encumbered enough of hearing the word "writing". He arose, sashayed his way to his swimming pool and entertained his boredom by assaulting a flips and kicks submerged.

The end.

Scholarship / The first Asian House representative in United Sates, McDonald Scholarship Essay [3]

-Applicants must submit a personal statement that provides information about their community involvement, career goals and desire to contribute to their community. Information about unique, personal or financial circumstances may be added.

My childhood fantasies always navigated around those in devoid of reality. I was Spiderman in one instance and a Power Ranger as the next -whoever held power and prestige and seemed incredible I fancied and labeled as my future career awaiting. Now climbing up to my adulthood, I laugh at those naïve and childlike imagination yet still hunger for those similar heroic traits in the future title I wish to achieve: the first Asian House representative in United Sates Congress.

I aspire to be a Congressman for he is the emblem of the nation itself; he symbolizes the link between the government and its people by establishing a rapport with all types of them -mothers, house makers, teachers and students- and represents power by listening to their every concern and proposing bills to fix the problem correctly. He can even raise funds for a new bridge or a public library. On one occasion I read about a Congressman who assisted an entire town to move several miles so it would no longer be threatened by floods. He is a genuine hero for me and countless others -his name forever remembered in American history -but most unfortunately, he is foremost a white American.

Our government is predominately white, where history has never recorded Asian American man to partake in such great political and federal power. Asians have not yet branched throughout the hearts of American politics and for many, this idea has been doubted or not been thought out prior. This is the truth I ache to challenge. It is what needs to be changed. Just like President Obama who was the first of his kind; I yearn to give a larger scope of meaning to my people in this country by bridging them and their political institutions together. I want to do it for the change, for the hope that I can contribute to my community

I strolled along my local park on one rainy evening when I noticed a handful of homeless men managing hunger from the trash scavenged in the dumps. Some even slept while tasting the rain that fell into their lips. Their teeth rotten, clothes and flesh suited for bacteria and disease; they are the crucial people that have to be protected and cared for, and if I had the influence to change it, I will manage a shelter just for their need.

Personally I want to create more parking lots for the handicapped. When driving with my disabled mother, the blue parking spaces are always limited or filled. We cannot find spaces and are forced to park in the corner, where my mother suffers from her physical fatigue. This burden is very common among the handicaps, and the special parking space easily loses its function and its meaning.

Maybe the greatest adversity in becoming a House member is that path to reach it. Primarily a strong education is a must. During my educational career, I want to discover how to connect to a multicolored society and its needs by taking courses in communication, thus earning my people's votes and trust to a House member who is unheard of. I aim to learn about political science and government for the profession and afterwards enroll in a graduate school to learn American legislature and court cases. By then the requirements for a Congressman will be met, the beginning of my career. My fantasy shall be a reality, and once there, a new challenge unfolds.

-much criticism and hate intended. Please destroy and rip my essay apart

Undergraduate / UC application- personal statement "Symbol of Superman" [3]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations

My favorite cartoon is about a silly little boy surrounded by the night. He shouts "I'm significant!" at the stars, but only the silence of the darkness replies back to him, as the echo of the words are vanished along with his smug grin. This comical scene portrayed exactly who I was, a mere dust speck deluded with the idea of self-importance. I spent my childhood disillusioned in a local city of South Korea. My aged relatives popularized me, who would gather from mysterious places to see me, the first child of the new family generation. As I was the youngest member of my mother's side of the family, they saw in me the blossoming hope of a new era. They showered me with gifts of love and fame, and I considered myself to be a one serious deal.

My sense of importance clouded once I immigrated to this western country. As I stepped in an unknown territory, my self worth was meaningless and forgotten. I was an insignificant foreigner without a reputation to uphold. I felt distant and reclusive, yet the community promised me a chance to revive that dignity -not the undeserving fame I received from my relatives, but rather an opportunity to create my own reputation in the society.

I joined an annual piano recital that took place in my new neighborhood. It was a small communal event for young pianists like me to feel special for a short period of time. In one year, after the concert was ended, I was confronted by a lady with her young daughter. She remarked my mother how talented I was, and then faced me closer to pat me on the head. "Thank you," she said to me with a pause, "for the inspiration" and turned to show me her daughter. That same girl accompanied me in the following years of the recitals. She had just learned how to play, but was maturing greatly every year. Once in a while my mom mentions her. "Remember that girl?" she says, "You gave her the hope of becoming a fine pianist".

The symbol of hope does not always come with a man in a red cape -it may come from regular enthusiastic folks like me. I have always tried to introduce courage and confidence to those in need. I trained my friends how to swim, how to face the phobia of open water. I was an instructor in my local martial arts center, illustrating self-defense to children and teenagers. Igniting hope and motivation is the way I seize my opportunity to be in the part of this society, and as I plant more inspiration to people around me, my significance and my meaning in this nation grows.