Undergraduate / UPenn - Academic/Social Communities Essay: "The Penn-gineer In Me" [2]

Benjamin Franklin established the Union Fire Company, the Library Company of Philadelphia, the American Philosophical Society, Pennsylvania Hospital, and, of course, the charity school that evolved into the University of Pennsylvania. As they served the larger community of Philadelphia, each institution in turn formed its own community.

Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania are most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn community?

In the fall of my junior year in high school, I was introduced to the University of Pennsylvania. A representative discussed the various academic and social opportunities available at Penn and the surrounding Philadelphia area, and I was immediately hooked. As a forum of knowledge and ideas, the University of Pennsylvania would allow me to expand as a person and provide me the opportunity to interact with other creative minds.

The School of Engineering and Applied Sciences caught my attention right away. I have been a budding engineer since a young age, always trying to build "practical" items. While watching Star Wars, I would make lightsabers out of toilet paper rolls and masking tape so that I too could fight the Imperial troops who had suddenly infiltrated my living room. As I got older, the lightsabers disappeared. In their place were homemade hockey pucks, composed of stacked disks of newspaper and packaging tape, designed to work on carpet so that I could play floor hockey with my younger brother. In high school, I joined my high school's robotics team and was sure that engineering, with its incorporation of logic and creativity, was the right track for me.

While studying at the School of Engineering and Applied Science, I will bring the experience I have gained from participating in my high school's robotics team. When building a robot, we have to consider different designs for the arm and our strategy. After analyzing many strategies for competitions during high school, I have learned and practiced to approach problems from multiple angles. By bringing this ability to Penn, I will be able to provide unique insights during discussions. I am constantly asking questions (like, "What existed before the Big Bang?") in the hopes that it will inspire my peers and me to think creatively and unconventionally. As a student, however, I will not only present my ideas, but hear different opinions from other students and expand my knowledge. The knowledge I gain, from my peers and professors, will allow me to help others, both in the future and the present.

Academics are important, but being able to apply that knowledge to help others is a fulfilling feeling. The University of Pennsylvania may have many organizations that help out in the local community, but CommuniTech stood out. I have been privileged to have grown up and interacted with technology, like computers. However, others are not as fortunate. By becoming a part of CommuniTech, I would be able to share my knowledge and interest in technology to bridge the digital divide that has occurred due to technology's rapid development. Teaching middle school children how to use computers would provide them with invaluable knowledge for the future, and give CommuniTech volunteers the sense of accomplishment that comes with helping others.

The University of Pennsylvania provides the combination of academic and social opportunities in a unique urban environment. My inquisitive nature will be fostered and I will be encouraged to explore different ideas. Participation in the various student organizations at Penn allows me to utilize my knowledge to help others. Penn will provide me with an education that will help me in the long run, and in turn I will be able to express my creativity and curiosity to help others - a mutual relationship that will benefit both me and the Penn community in the present and the future.

I know that it's pretty much garbage, but I really hit writers block through the months I tried to write this. In the end, this is what I got. Thanks for any suggestions. Help on my Common App essay would be appreciated as well.

Undergraduate / Common App Essay: "Learing about life in an autorickshaw" [7]

I would assume this fits under the "Topic of choice" prompt on the Common App:

It was a hot summer morning in Pondicherry, India. Visiting India right after my junior year in high school, I sat hunched in an auto rickshaw, my legs at an angle and my head slightly bent so that I would fit inside. As the rickshaw moved along, I remembered the advice my parents had given me prior to the trip: "Observe the places and, more importantly, the people that you see". I have been visiting India since the age of two, and the differences between life in India and the United States have always been apparent. But as I looked out of the three-wheeled vehicle, I realized that for the first time those differences irritated me.

People seemed to be a genuinely disinterested in the state of their surroundings. There was dirt everywhere: on unpaved roads and piled into mounds, for seemingly no reason. There was no need for trash cans; people would throw away their garbage wherever they saw fit, and that usually meant on the road. The smell of exhaust was overwhelming as the auto rickshaw passed large trucks belching columns of black smoke. When other auto rickshaws passed us, they left behind not only their distinct puttering sound, but also a cloud of white effervescence.

My family and I used auto rickshaws almost daily during our stay in Pondicherry, and each trip was filled with the same sights. None of these sights were new to me, but it bothered me that no one seemed to care. The pollution and dirt were dangerous to the environment and to people's health. I began making mental notes of how things could be fixed: more trash cans could be placed on the roadside, the roads could be paved, and cars could face emissions requirements. I had taken my parents' advice and observed the things I saw, and I was not pleased.

One day, our auto rickshaw stopped next to a family of four riding on a single scooter. The man steering the scooter looked straight ahead, waiting for traffic to move. There was no hint of worry on his face; to him, four people on a scooter was ordinary. It was then that I remembered the rest of my parents' advice: observe the people. I found that the people of Pondicherry were used to the conditions I regarded as deplorable. To them, what I saw as a problem was nothing out of the ordinary.

When my parents told me to observe my surroundings, they wanted me to experience India, but I did more than that. Initially, I may have been overly critical of the conditions that I saw. I observed, but I only noted the negative aspects of life. However, I came to the realization that people get used to what they have. I have had the privilege of living with certain luxuries that may not be readily available everywhere, but that does not mean that people live unhappy lives.

Through the power of observation, I learned to be thankful for the life I have and to not judge a person or place based on an initial reaction. Just because certain conditions do not appeal to me does not mean that things will get better if the conditions are changed; after all, happiness comes in many forms. I went to India to visit family and left with a new view on life, all thanks to trips in a three wheeled auto rickshaw.

I'm not really sure if this tells something about me, but you be the judge. I know it's rather long (699 words), but I couldn't figure out what I should/could cut out. Please, be harsh. Any help & suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

Undergraduate / UC Prompt #2: My Future as a Comedian [5]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

Pinned to the corkboard on my wall is an award I am especially proud of that reads: "______: Most Likely to be a Comedian". I received this award in the public speaking class I took in ninth grade. Had you told me at the beginning of the year that I would be winning this class superlative, I probably would have laughed. I began that year in class nervous about speaking in front of a group and concerned that people would laugh me. Little did I realize that this public speaking class would be an influential experience for me in high school.

During my first impromptu speech, I attempted to be funny. I was a little apprehensive about trying to be humorous as my dry humor often involved wordplay that some people do not understand. The last thing I wanted to do was stand in front of the class, discouraged that no one understood my joke. Surprisingly, my classmates laughed, and as I looked around the classroom I observed that everyone was genuinely enjoying the speech. This gave me the confidence for the rest of the year to continue being funny.

I will never forget some of the speeches I gave in my public speaking class. There was a stand-up comedy unit in the class, and the first joke I told during my routine is even now my favorite: I wrote "The World" on a sheet of paper, placed in on the floor, stood on top of the paper, and declared "I'm on top of the world." However, there were also times when my speeches were dull and my jokes not very humorous. This did not discourage me; I understood that one must be humble about his talents, for failure is bound to occur at sometime or another. I did not let one failed joke restrict me from attempting to deliver amusing speeches.

I realized that at the beginning I had focused too much on my fear of public speaking and had almost let that fear interfere with my natural personality. My classmates' laughter was a motivation for me to be confident and uphold my individuality, and I learned to apply that lesson outside of the classroom as well.

I would like to think that I have always had a good sense of humor, but after taking the public speaking class I also realized how meaningful humor is to my life. To see other people laugh or smile makes me happy. I like to utilize humor in various situations, like during a speech or when talking to friends, to just lighten the mood. I find that humor, when appropriate, makes almost any situation more pleasing and relaxing. At times, while working in a group, I notice some group members become nervous or stressed out; a simple humorous comment that creates laughter is all that it takes to bring a positive mood back to the group. Sometimes, when I am concerned with deadlines or tense about something, humor gives me the confidence and refreshment to focus on my task. From my experience in the public speaking class, I have found that the saying "Laugh and the world laughs with you" holds true.

The certificate I received in my public speaking class reads "Most Likely to be a Comedian", though that may be overstating my comedic talent. That being said, my ambition to be humorous and to make other people laugh has instilled a new confidence in me. It is highly unlikely that I will ever become a stand-up comedian, but as long as I can make someone laugh and smile, I am content being called a comedian.

Please be honest. It may be a little short, but that's because my other essay is quite long. If necessary, I can trim the first one a little. Thanks in advance!

Undergraduate / UC Essay Prompt#1: My Dreams: Realized Through Dinner [6]

This is one of my first drafts of the essay.

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Dinner brings my family together. It is the one time of the day when everyone sets time aside to be together, even if on some days it means eating quietly together. Tonight, my dad, my mom, my brother, and I are sitting down to enjoy one of my mom's new recipes. As we eat rather quickly, the conversation turns to the day's events.

"I'm going to Fry's to get a sound card for my computer. Does anyone want to come with me?" my dad asks. For as long as I can remember, he has built the computers we use at home. His passion for computers stems from his interest in science, math, and technology - subjects that are also interests of mine. My dad's friends are aware of his expertise, and often turn to him when they need some help with their computers. When asked, my dad never hesitates to offer his help.

"Sure, I'll come", my younger brother eagerly responds. He then calls to attention the recent rainy weather. My brother became interested in weather when he was in first grade, and he took it upon himself to read about the subject. Even in first grade, he would explain to his friends' moms why there was going to be rain the next day. His dedication, especially at such a young age, amazes me. Moreover, he continues to follow the weather now and has continued to learn about weather.

"What do you think about this new dish?" my mom interjects. She has always been adventurous with her cooking, eager to try out new recipes and different cuisines. Her open minded approach to food has influenced me in multiple ways. I have grown up eating different foods, and as a result I am not a picky eater. More importantly, she has helped me view the world with an open mind. I do not form an opinion on something that I have not experienced, and am willing to meet new people and travel to new places. When it comes to her cooking, my mom is a bit of a perfectionist, a trait that I have inherited. She is rarely content with her food, always noting the lack of salt or the slight imbalance in spices in a dish. However, she never lets this prevent her from trying new things, and always gives her best attempt when cooking.

After genuinely complementing my mom's food - she is a good cook, though she does not admit it - everyone puts their plates in the dishwasher and goes back to their work. As I put my plate away, I realize how much my family has influenced my goals in life. Since I was young, I knew that I wanted to be an engineer just like my dad. However, I was not sure which branch of engineering I wanted to pursue. My family has never told me what I should study in college, but their influence has led me to an interest in biomedical engineering. Like my dad, I am interested in science and technology and want to utilize my knowledge to help others. My brother has taught me that dedication to learning about subjects one loves can provide one with lifelong knowledge. I aspire to study biomedical engineering as well as other subjects that interest me. My mother's creativity and open mindedness have helped me approach problems with multiple strategies, a characteristic that is beneficial for an engineer. Though we may spend less time together now, my family has had a great impact on my dreams and goals, as I was reminded during dinner.

Please be brutal and honest. I really just hit a rut while writing this, so I thought some feedback would help me finish this up. I think that I may not be explaining enough, but you can be the judge of that. Thanks in advance.