Undergraduate / William & Mary Supplement - The Type of Person You Are. [5]

Hi, I need your help with my essay urgently! Please check my grammar and let me know honestly what you think about my essay. I know the ending paragraphy needs a little work, so please give me some suggestions. Is it interesting enough? Does it lack something? Thank you so much!! :)

PROMPT: Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extracurricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful? Provide us with some limited measure of your personality.

We know that nobody fits neatly into 500 words or less, but you can provide us with some suggestion of The Type of Person You Are. Anything goes! Inspire us, impress us or just make us laugh. Think of this optional opportunity as Show and Tell by proxy and with an attitude.

People are often surprised to find that I'm an international student. "Your English is so good!" or "You don't have an accent at all!" I grew up in Jakarta, Indonesia, where the language spoken at home was English. My parents studied abroad, and encouraged me to practice English for the breadth of communication the language brings. I didn't realize this significance until I lived abroad. Mastering the language has brought me confidence and amazing opportunities. I enjoy meeting new people and feel most comfortable public speaking in international debate competitions.

I moved to Washington State two years ago, where I still face issues with adapting. I was raised with old Chinese traditions and Indonesian cultures. Before moving here, I have never heard of General Tao's chicken. I'm continuously on the quest for super spicy Indonesian hot sauce, as no meal is complete without it. I miss the sunshine, and I blame my lack of vitamin D on Seattle's inability to stop raining. Every morning I unconsciously wear a t-shirt and sandals, then reluctantly change into a thick sweater and boots before going out the door. I love the crisp smell of pine trees. I hate that my parents are 10,000 miles away.

I have an optimistic outlook towards life except when it comes to bicycles. When I was seven, I catapulted into the air after crashing into a truck while riding my bicycle. I have been traumatic of bicycles ever since. I've always wanted to become an astronaut, so I could see the earth from space and experience defying gravity. After reading To Kill a Mockingbird, I wanted to become a lawyer like Atticus Finch. I remember the horror of seeing grey, damaged coral reefs in my visit to the Bunaken Islands. Since then, I vowed to help improve the environment. I cannot throw away trash without properly recycling them.

I'm always hungry for sushi.

Travelling is my favorite activity. Like delving into the unknown, being somewhere new always excites me. My dream is to visit France one day. For now, I'm content with collecting French-inspired posters and mini Eiffel towers, learning French, and listening to Édith Piaf. My favorite book is The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. I can't choose between Ecuador and Thailand as my favorite past destination. I think the Sant Ocean Hall in the Smithsonian Museum is the happiest place on earth. While I was interning in DC last summer, my stress would disappear under the exhibit's calming sounds of the ocean.

I used to be anemic, and I think donating blood is the best gift one can give. The possible power of a voice in creating change always inspires me to be an actor of change. I can't wait to debate cases with the Mock Trial team at William & Mary. And continue my journey, wherever it takes me.

Undergraduate / University of Virginia - Dinner with Three People: Who and Why? [2]

I would love your help on my grammar and whether or not the essay's interesting enough. I really want this essay to leave an impression, any feedback will be great! :)

If you could have dinner with three people, living or dead or fictional, who would they be and why would you select them?

As a little girl, while other girls played with Barbie dolls, I spent my time reading Hergé's Adventures of Tintin. Tintin was my Ken. His adventures around the world finding lost artifacts and saving world leaders from the clutches of criminal masterminds caught my attention. The exciting storyline let my imagination wander to faraway lands and exotic locales, and grew my desire to be an explorer one day. Tintin always had a calm, determined attitude when facing obstacles, even when the situation seemed impossible. I grew up wanting to be more like him, eager to discover, think outside of the box and work for the greater good. Tintin taught me to take risks and live life bravely.

There isn't a day when I don't listen to the voice of Thomas Mars. The lead singer of the French band Phoenix, he is behind the sublime vocals and the witty lyrics with his clever play on words. I admire his willingness to experiment for his music, like seeking out unusual recording circumstances. I wonder what it was like recording in a houseboat on the Seine River next to the Eiffel Tower. It's pretty rare these days to find bands that aren't subjected to their music labels, and I love how Thomas Mars spontaneously decided to release their new single online for free. His songs act as the relief to a long day of school and work, and cheer to the never ending rainy days in Washington. My dream is to see him perform live one day, and what better way than to stage a private performance in my dining room?

The dinner would not be complete without Mr. Rahmat Soemdipradja. A prominent Indonesian lawyer with his own successful firm and a University of Virginia Law School graduate, he gave me the amazing opportunity to intern for him. I just graduated out of high school at that time, and it was rare for those without a law degree to intern there. I was nervous at my first job interview and a little shy when I said I wanted to become an international lawyer. He encouraged me to express my aspiration with confidence and be assertive in achieving my goals. I shadowed him frequently, as he introduced me to the different aspects of the practice and the various skills required. Mr. Soemadipradja had a strong work ethic and an approachability that was refreshing. My personal growth was a result of his lessons, and I will never forget his advice before I moved to America for college: study more than needed, work harder than required, and meet as many people possible. Mr. Soemadipradja encouraged me to embrace myself and other people, confidence and hard work.

Undergraduate / "Zip-lining in Ecuador" - USC Transfer Essay [2]

Any comments or suggestions is greatly appreciated!

USC's speaker series "What Matters to Me and Why" asks faculty and staff to reflect on their values, beliefs, and motivations. Presenters talk about choices they have made, difficulties encountered, and commitments solidified. Write an essay about an event or experience that helped you learn what is important to you and why it is important.

I was raised in Jakarta, Indonesia, but I really grew up all over the world. From a young age, my parents have always encouraged me to travel and explore the world. I find traveling to be an exciting adventure, where anything can happen. I have discovered how important it is to face challenges and live my life to the fullest through my travels, and conquered my fears along the way, as being somewhere new is like delving into the unknown.

Recently, I represented my college in the National Model United Nations competition in Quito, Ecuador. We debated on global issues while also taking part in cultural exchanges, such as visiting the serene, green mountains of Mindo. We hiked through the tropical jungle to the top, where a challenge awaited us. The only way back to our van relied on a single rope across the mountains. Shivers went through my body as I learned we were to zip-line across the mountains, avoiding glancing down towards the endless green landscape below. I was deathly terrified of heights and tried hard not to think about falling. My classmates one by one confidently zip-lined across the mountains, and soon I was the last to go.

At first I didn't want to do it. Then I decided to try, but held the rope too tight and didn't move from the edge. Sweat trickled down my face. I took a deep breath and said to myself, "You have to face this fear someday, right?" I closed my eyes and held on the rope, then slowly let it go. Soon I started zip-lining between two mountains at high-speed and I opened my eyes. It was the most exhilarating feeling with the wind gusting on my face as I took in the breathtaking view around me.

It was in that moment it dawned on me how far I've come since moving to America a year ago. I have realized life is full of choices, I can take the risk and challenge myself, or I can stand aside and watch my life pass by. Taking control in my life has motivated me to chase my dreams, even if it means moving to a completely new environment. Interning in Washington, DC last summer to advocate for better environmental policies was a big step that I took towards achieving my goals. My responsibility as a legislative intern in Environment America involved researching, lobbying and campaigning for better transportation policies that would improve overall community life. My efforts led to the Capitol Building steps, where we anxiously awaited the voting results of the Climate Change bill. Celebration filled the air as the bill passed, making it the first most comprehensive climate change policy ever considered and passed by Congress. I would not have been able to be a part of and experience that groundbreaking moment in American history, had I not taken the chance and stepped outside of my comfort zone.

Success does not come easily, as it involves taking risks, being open to changes and overcoming obstacles. As a risk-taker, I'm confident in my ability to face challenges in the future in areas about which I'm passionate. Whenever I feel in doubt, I remember seeing the endless landscape of Mindo and the breeze blowing on my face as I zip-line across the mountains. Confidence grows inside me as I walk forward.

Undergraduate / USC Transfer Essay - What Matters To Me and Why? Environmental Internship Essay [4]

Writing an USC Transfer Essay. Please help, any comments/suggestions is greatly appreciated!

USC's speaker series "What Matters to Me and Why" asks faculty and staff to reflect on their values, beliefs, and motivations. Presenters talk about choices they have made, difficulties encountered, and commitments solidified. Write an essay about an event or experience that helped you learn what is important to you and why it is important.

ESSAY 2#: In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience, or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it. (I need to cut down a few words since it's over 300 words)

Imagine being enveloped by clear, aqua currents with vibrant life, feeling light and free. That's how I felt scuba diving for the first time in the beautiful Bunaken Islands in Indonesia. The wonders of nature left me at awe and left a major imprint in my life actions. I became an ardent supporter of the environment and was driven to involve myself in activities that improve the environment.

My interest in the environment and American politics has led me to take action in the nation's capital. Interning in Washington, DC as part of the Sophomore Exploration program at The Washington Center last summer was a big step that I took towards achieving my goals. My responsibility as a legislative intern in Environment America involved researching, lobbying and campaigning for better transportation policies that would improve overall community life. My efforts led to the Capitol Building steps, where we anxiously awaited the voting results of the Climate Change bill. Celebration filled the air as the bill passed, making it the first most comprehensive climate change policy ever considered and passed by Congress. To be able to be a part of that groundbreaking moment in American history was life changing and inspired me to take actions in my passions.

The knowledge gained from Washington, DC contributed to me being elected as the Associate Director of Student Legislative Affairs at my college's Student Government. As an active leader of 37,000 students, I serve and represent them in government in key higher education issues. Leading a nine member team, we work collectively to raise student awareness and support on higher education matters, as well as advocating to specific state legislators. Understanding how legislation works and having experienced how to lead grassroots campaigns, has greatly helped me my efforts to promote political civic engagement at my campus.

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Does it fully answer the question? I think the conclusion is kind of weak.