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Posts by Shadow93
Joined: May 12, 2010
Last Post: Nov 10, 2010
Threads: 9
Posts: 40  


Displayed posts: 49 / page 2 of 2
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Shadow93   
Oct 4, 2010
Undergraduate / What I dont know - Being a student. [4]

Thank you so much for your comments. I hope more people can comment so I can incorporate everyone's advice into one rewrite. :)
Shadow93   
Oct 9, 2010
Undergraduate / "to do what you love" - Common App - What is really important for me. [3]

He was just sitting there; in that small stone courtyard, surrounded by trees, withered by time. It could have been nothing; just another old man. It was easy to turn, to leave, and to continue my little games. But I walked forward; forward to talk, and perhaps, to laugh together.

Then I saw him. Or rather, I saw beyond him. Closed eyes, wrinkled face, and a small, natural smile. Such simple features, yet such radiant happiness surrounded him.

"Why are you so happy?" I blurted out, all else forgotten.

"Be silent." He muttered.

Annoyed, I left.

It is only now in hindsight did I realize what a precious gift I have been given that day. Like all high school students, my life is filled with activities. I strive to complete projects, to win competitions, to be a good student, and to enter a respected university. It was all too easy to be caught up in the storm of information, deadline, and projects, everything that forced me to act. There were just so many things to do, every day, every time. Collapsing on my bed day after day after yet another meeting, I began to recall that faithful day, his joyful appearance and his simple advice, to be silent.

I realized I have never stopped to ask, is this what I really want? Will I be able to look back years later and congratulate myself on a job well done? I had to take a stand. I turned in my resignation as co-chairman of the ecology club and as deputy head of the School Fair, Prom committee, and Academic committee the very next day.

I have never looked back since then. I got time on my hands to do the simple small things of life, to sit and paint, to stand and jump, to stretch myself. I finally realized, in my blind pursuit of "success," I have missed out on what really mattered. I started with my family; I began to help my little sister with her school work and activities. I brought her to parks, to malls, and taught her how to build a trebuchet. I began to visit my grandparents more often, not to do anything, but to simply accompany them, to listen to their stories, and to show them that they still mattered. Grades and activities were no longer the end all, be all of my life; they were just what they were supposed to be, stepping stones in the pursuit of happiness. It wasn't an easy decision however, to abandon the fast route to success for the meandering detour of happiness. But while others saw it as me dropping out, I understood it as simply beginning a new race.

Sure, I might be a few steps behind in the dash to college, but I truly believe, on the marathon of life, I have come out way ahead. To know what you want, to do what you love, and to enjoy the little things, that is what life really is all about. And I am glad that I have realized it now. Perhaps when I grow old and wise, I would return once more to that little courtyard and sit under the sun, to do nothing but smile, to do nothing but wait, to do nothing but be happy.
Shadow93   
Oct 11, 2010
Undergraduate / Helping the community: "Community Application Essay" [3]

Uhh... First comment: It sounds very boring. Not saying that your achievements are bad, but I am saying that you are simply stating FACTS. I can find all of those information from your resume, why do I NEED you to narrate it? The point of essays is to present a side of you that is not objective. Show why, beyond the nunbers, beyond the activities, beyond the awards, show people who you are. I suggest reworking your entire essay to make it more personal. Diss the awards, drop the big names. Talk about yourself. Make people live in your shoes, lead them around your life, enlighten them to what it means to be you.

Good luck! ^_^
Shadow93   
Oct 11, 2010
Undergraduate / Chicago Supplement - my interests in different areas like films, books, etc. [3]

Share with us a few of your favorite books, poems, authors, films, plays, pieces of music, musicians, performers, paintings, artists, blogs, magazines, or newspapers? Feel free to touch on one, some, or all of the categories listed, or add a category of your own.

The supplement of U of C has this question. I am really curious though, does it mean that you provide them a LIST of books, poems you enjoy? Or does it mean you choose a few and elaborate? If so, how will that work to your advantage? Since their requirement was... a paragraph or two? How should I show my interests in different areas with only a few paragraphs? Should I focus on say, just one book, or like 5-7 of them with a brief sentence of summary, or just provide a list of things I enjoy. Cause I am also interested in discussing music, paintings, etc...

Thanks for your advice!
Shadow93   
Oct 12, 2010
Essays / Writing a monologue to a teacher - ideas for 12th grade [6]

A monologue is a dialogue made by one person.

To get you started, I recommend going through some of the famous ones first. Shakespeare (cliche) is famous for his dramatic monologues, check out the ones of Hamlet, King Lear, and Romeo and Juliet.

monologuearchive/s/shakespeare_william.html
Shadow93   
Oct 21, 2010
Undergraduate / "There was a God somewhere watching over us" -an experience that changed your life. [9]

I have to disagree with above post. I enjoyed your first one a lot more. It is really really great writing. I especially enjoyed the last maybe part~~ very nice ending really makes a person pause and go *sniff*. However, what I might be curious though as an AO is how this experience changed your life. I know you tried to put how it changed you in your 2nd revision. But I felt it was not enough, or rather, not as good as the writing in your first attempt. I suggest you follow the grammar advice of above posters and incorporate the feelings that you experienced into something you learned.

For example, you might try to talk about how the walking in the moonlight and smelling roast beef gave you something much more than just the feeling of being hungry, or the feeling of loneliness. Perhaps you can talk about how this changed how you felt about your father, or how you began to see less fortunate people. I recommend you to still end with the maybe ending cause its really nice.

Think about it and good luck :)

P.S BTW. I love using adjectives too hehe, it really makes the essay sound better, though of course it might not be the best way to go :) But if I might offer some advice, I did not think your essay was excessive with adjectives, maybe a bit too much, but certainly within the acceptable levels :)

^_^
Shadow93   
Oct 29, 2010
Undergraduate / Why Engineering (fantasies + inventions and discoveries)- Brown Uni. [5]

This is a compilation of the Engineering essay to Brown Uni!! Help appreciated :) Thanks in advance~

1) Many applicants to college are unsure about eventual majors. What factors led you to an interest in the field of Engineering?

Engineering is all about dreams, and ever since I was a kid, I always had the wildest fantasies. Let's make a hamster launching trebuchet I would say, or a mounted laser death ray! But nah, the usual response: "that's impossible, stop wasting your time." And yet every great invention began this way, with a dream that was met with disbelief. When I finally completed my first trebuchet, I wanted to shout to the world, "Impossible you say? Well, I just did it." For me, engineering captures ideas, however wild, and turns them into reality. It's a constant thrill of innovation and challenges, facing the problems of tomorrow and solving them today. That's why I chose engineering.

2) What experiences beyond school work have broadened your interest in Engineering?

Ever since antiquity, mankind's achievements have been recorded in our inventions and discoveries. Indeed, the very passage of history is a reflection of our progress in science and a testament to the marvelous story of engineering. But technology is no force of nature. Nothing, not even the simple wheel would exist, were it not for the sweat of man. People like Leonardo da Vinci, Nikola Tesla, and Alfred Nobel, pioneers who bravely led the world to dizzying heights of greatness, they were my heroes. I have always wanted to be like them, and growing up, that's exactly what I did. I built birdhouses, small Ferris wheels, Lego robots and even mini roller coasters. I've explored nature and designed my own little park. I'm older now but I've never really grown out of that childish sense of wonder. For the last two summers, not only have I conducted experiments in planarian regeneration at Brown University but also worked as a computer technician. Yet I still don't think there is a single defining experience that broadens my interest in engineering. It's really a lifestyle, the ever present desire to experiment, to design things, to create things, and in the end to be always chasing the impossible.

3) Brown offers programs in Biomedical, Chemical, Civil, Computer, Electrical, Materials, and Mechanical Engineering. Because there is a common core curriculum within Engineering, students need not select a specific area until their junior year. We are curious to know, however, if any particular program within Engineering presently appeals to you. If so, please discuss that choice.

I intend to take up Biomedical engineering because it is the field with the most potential. As a relatively new branch of science, there are many questions that still need to be answered and many mysteries that still await the bold explorer. How can we create artificial stem cells and avoid controversies? Should it be through Induced pluripotent cells or ex-vitro cell culture? We don't know, but I yearn to be one of those explorers who are going to find out, to be at the cutting edge of science, to be where humanity is just beginning to go.

It's not just realities that drive me though, but at my core, it's a vision of a world where people can live free from sickness, where diabetes is no longer synonymous with suffering, where cancer is no worse a disease than the common cold. It's a beautiful dream that I wish to help turn into reality.
Shadow93   
Oct 29, 2010
Undergraduate / Why Engineering (fantasies + inventions and discoveries)- Brown Uni. [5]

Sorry but I think the inclusion of "my" is unnecessary because it makes the sentence sound awkward and I was refering to engineering as a whole.

I also think it should be had, because I am using the past tense? As in, "ever since I was a kid, I always had..."

I know nah is a bit conversational but I felt it adds a personal touch to an otherwise normal essay.

Hmmm, "very" does seem a bit unnecessary but it seems to add a nice dramatic ring to it. (Or just makes it sound better, not sure which)

Thanks for your comments though :)

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