Graduate / Pharm school application (why pharmacy, professional goals, background) [4]

I think you need for one short sentence to smoothly bind the several paragraphs together; or you need a transitions.

Writing Feedback / To what extent do you agree or disagree?---modern & traditional building [6]


I would say : population's explosion


habitat's problem


I would say: Nowadays, the population of the world increases


It is better to say: For example, in China where traditional buildings are usually one or two floors

Scholarship / A RURAL WOMAN SCIENTIST: international scholarship [10]


Thank you very much for your kind help and great encouragment.
I did changes and need your wise opinion

Scholarship / A RURAL WOMAN SCIENTIST: international scholarship [10]

Hi guys,
I did some changes on my motivation essay and I'll appreciate your feedback.

"Obstacles must not disturb or stop you, they occur to push you toward success" my mother always says this to me; I carefully follow her advices. I grew up in a small rural village in the south of Egypt, as society there is a typically male one and does not believe in the importance of education for women and denies their rights and opportunities for learning. Nevertheless; my parents are well educated, open-minded individuals; they are nonconformists as they are always seeking to break the oppressive traditions and rules. As a result of their ambitions, they were able to plant the desire for learning in me early in my life, ignoring the disapproval from our relatives and neighbors, in our rustic village community. This rural environment was to a certain extent my engine toward success instead of being a rocky impediment as it is for other girls, and I am the first female who learned and entered college.

It was a great chance for me when I was in the last year of primary school. As our science teacher divided us into groups and asked us to choose between two subjects as a student's activity. The first subject was to collect some insects from the surrounding environment and write a simple comment for each one, while the second one was to prepare a photo album for rare animals or plants and write a comment for them as well. I suggested to combine the topics as we collected some insects and wrote a comment for each one, and also prepared a beautiful photo album for those insects in their natural environment. For my original suggestion my team members elected me as the group leader as they trusted me. For our unique work, my group won the competition and got the medal of the creation.

Actually, my interest of insects had started at age four, as I used to practice my favorite hobby; it was to dissect insects; play with them as if they were my toys! Anywhere I go, I start to look for them. I was excited about these organisms and contemplate how they are widely spread? Where do they live? Why are some of them brightly colored while others not? Which of them are beneficial and which are harmful and what are their benefits? How are they affected and associated with their environment?

This childhood interest in insect inspired me to pursue higher education in the field of my favorite hobby. By enrolling the College of Science at XXX, Egypt, many questions about insects were answered and my childhood dream has grown up and became more vivid and deeply, since, I studied chemistry, I love chemical laboratories and tools such as tubes and doing chemical experiments, as well as my fancy with Entomology and Molecular Biology. Successfully, I completed the Bachelor of Science Degree in 2008 in Entomology at university with very good grades with honor, and I was the top student of my colleagues. Then, I was employed as a demonstrator in the Zoology and Entomology Department, at my college. I am so lucky to continue my hobby as my job! But I still have one dream that I did not achieve yet. Actually; it is my life dream, what is it? It is to be a great researcher in one of the most interesting fields that explains and explores the biology of insects and their ecology using chemical and molecular techniques! That is exactly what I want.

Europe is significantly the place that I wish to visit since my childhood. I think the best place is XXXXX, as studying in such specialized and global school with the required tools and techniques that I lack in my country. It would be a great chance for me to work in the first project" XXXXXXX" or the seventh project"XXXXXX" or the eighth project" XXXXXXXr" because working in one of this project will enhance my knowledge in the field which I am so interested in, as I will learn from an award-winning team of highly trained professors and academic staff, who will not only help me to improve my scientific research skills, but would also teach me more about new places and new culture. After having successful training and career, I intend to return to my country to inspire change my society culture by introducing an ideal model of a rural woman scientist who graduated from XXXXXXX. Also I hope to inspire of upcoming generations who are surrounded by a negative environment, just like mine, hoping to contribute in female's education.

No one know, may be in one day my small village turns into a famous and big city thanks to the first statue of A RURAL FEMALE SCIENTEST which will have been built for me by the females of my village.

Scholarship / A RURAL WOMAN SCIENTIST: international scholarship [10]

In my essay I should specify a topic and chhose a certain professor for this reason I wrote another introduction it is:

It was the evening when a giant and dark black insect was on my bed, I have never seen before.
I did nothing, just was observing its movement and actions, a black and big body with a long legs.
Suddenly, it moved towards me, INSECT, I shouted, my father came and took it away. This was exactly my start point in love of insects.

Scholarship / A RURAL WOMAN SCIENTIST: international scholarship [10]

Thank you very much.
Will my essay imppress the judges?
I will make some changes and waite for your feedback.

Scholarship / A RURAL WOMAN SCIENTIST: international scholarship [10]

@Cruud

Thank you very much for your corrections, I'll add changes and I'll wait for your feedback

Scholarship / A RURAL WOMAN SCIENTIST: international scholarship [10]

Please I need feedback about my essay to be able to apply as the deadline approaches

Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay -Monumental Gifts [7]

The first aim of which is to help people in need
I think it's better to say, their main aim is....

(yes due to fact that nobody will know)
this should be (due to the fact that)
another notice, you should leave an empty line to separate the paragraphs

Essays / Building a large factory near your community, how to plan this essay? [5]

Hi,

You should start with an introduction in which you staet with a hook, for example, turn your city into a very big city, how?
then start to introduce the main idea fo buidibg a new factory. a thesis should have your supporting points that you will discuss later in the next paragraphs