Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Luck Vs Hard work; Which is better? luck may disappoint you easly [5]

Hi,
I did this essay in 30 minutes in order to practise for toefl. I'm glad if you could give me a feedback and hints to improve my writing;

QUESTION: When people succeed it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

There are many instances that luck has brought people things that they never could even imagine. However, I do not see any rational in believing in luck to reach one's goals. Therefore I strongly agree with the argument that it is one's hard work that helps him reach his target.

First, if you depend only on luck for all your accomplishments, you are taking a great risk. Luck is something intangible and no one can guarantee that it would ever come your way. If it doesn't work, it would be a great disappointment. Instead if you strive hard to achieve what you want, then your hard work would take you at least closer to your final goal. In my personal experience, all my accomplishments were backed by my hard work, not my luck. And I never did encounter any disappointments of missing my goals.

Secondly, if you believe that hard work is the key to success, it would make you a visionary person. In other words, those who believe in hard work are clear about their goals and know about their final destination. They carefully organize the process of achieving their targets and continue to evaluate their progress until they reach the final goal. If you believe in luck, you would be clueless about where you are heading. For example, a friend of mine, who had severe financial constraints, had the habit of buying lottery tickets thinking that one day he would win a lottery. He was living in an illusion that he can solve his financial issues with this lottery. However, up to this day his luck has not appeared and problems have got further worsened.

Thirdly, if you work hard, luck too might shine on you and take you some more steps further ahead from your actual target. For example, my boss worked tirelessly for his promotion. He looked at every aspect that he needed to qualify for the promotion. He realized that having a master's degree would be a great credential for him to outperform his competitors. Although he had many commitments at home and work, he somehow managed to complete this degree before he was eligible to apply. At the end he was not only able to get the promotion amidst a stiff competition but also got nominated for a foreign scholarship since he had more credentials than other officers in his capacity.

Although it is good to be lucky, depending on luck for everything is not good. Hence I strongly believe in hard working that would not easily disappoint you as luck sometimes does.

Writing Feedback / toefl: the best criterion for selecting a person to train others [4]

QUESTION; You must select a person to teach others to do a job. Which one of the following is the most important for you to consider in making your selection?

- the person's education
- the person's work experience
- the quality of the person's previous work
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer
I would certainly select the person with more work experience in the job, if I am to select a person to teach others to do a particular job. The reasons why I think it is more important than the other considerations, such as the person's education and the quality of the person's previous work, are reinforced by the following paragraphs;

Firstly, although a sound educational background is always a complement to one's career, it alone does not contribute for a person to perform up to what is expected by his employer. And in this task particularly, the person needs to have more practical exposure than academic qualifications since training others involve lots of human interactions that need to be effectively managed. For example, a manager may not be able to teach his subordinates how to operate a machine although he has a master's degree. He needs the practical experience in this task.

Secondly, a person who produces excellent results in his or her past assignments may have limited experience in the job. Also if this person is comparative a very junior person, he or she would lack confidence and maturity in tackling senior people. For example, suppose a junior clerk in a department who has been regarded as a very efficient worker in his job is asked to train a senior person from another department. This clerk may not be comfortable with this request since he lacks confidence and maturity to handle this senior. Further, the senior person may resist accepting what is taught by the junior clerk.

In contrast, a person with more work experience in the job has the necessary ability and exposure since he has faced many situations while performing the job. His vast experience as a senior person in a particular job has not only assisted him to be very confident with respect to any aspect of the job but also to be recognized by the others for his mastery. This would certainly be very advantageous for him to be accepted by others as a person who knows the best. Therefore he would have less difficulties in training others.

Considering these reasons, I conclude that the best criterion for selecting a person for this special task is to consider his or her work experience.

Writing Feedback / The co-workers should believe in fellowship. Some important characteristics of a co-worker - Toefl [5]

Hi,
Would like to have your feedback for the following;

Question; we all work or will work in our jobs with many different kinds of people. In your opinion, what are some important characteristics of a co-worker (Someone you work closely with) ? Use reasons and specific examples to explain why these characteristics are important.

At work, you meet people with diverse backgrounds and you are required to maintain sound relationships with many of them in order to have a pleasant work environment. However, the relationship you need to maintain with your co-worker is the most important one since he or she is the person who works very closely with you, and in most instances you have to rely on him or her. Therefore in my view, a good co-worker needs to have three most important characteristics such as cooperation, trustworthiness, and fellowship.

The co-workers should be cooperative with one another. If they do not cooperate, there will be lots of disputes. I once had a co-worker who was too family conscious. Therefore he always left office sharp on time without giving any consideration whether the work has been finished or not. Most of the time, I had to do his work in order to protect him from getting caught to the supervisor who was a very authoritative person. However, one day I wanted to be off early because I had to take my mother to the doctor. When I requested my co-worker to give a helping hand to finish my work early, he turned down my request giving a silly excuse. From that day onwards I did not offer him any support and finally he was transferred from our department to a distant location as a punishment for his irresponsibility. Therefore, I believe if the co-workers do not corporate with each other that would be devastating in a work environment.

The co-workers need to trust each other. They should not act on suspicion. This is a very important aspect in the work environment. I came across a situation once such that one of my subordinates used to suspect his co-worker for carrying tales to me. To a certain extent his suspicion was valid as his co-worker made several attempts to highlight the drawbacks of him. However I never encourage tale carriers as a principle and therefore his co-worker gave up talking ill against him with me. But this mistrust continued and created very unpleasant situations for everybody in my department.

Finally, the co-workers should believe in fellowship. This helps them to enjoy their work life while building up very strong personal relationships. After all, you spend most of your day at office. If you have a good company in office, it is certainly a blessing.

Writing Feedback / Generation gap: your generation is different from your parents' generation? [5]

Hello,
Kindly help me to improve my following essay;
Topic: Generation Gap
Question: Every generation of people is different in important ways. How
is your generation different from your parents' generation?

Generation Gap is the topic that discusses about the differences between two generations with respect to their priorities, values, attitudes, goals, tastes etc. Of course any two generations have these differences to a certain degree. However in my country, which is a developing country in the South East Asia, the gap between my generation and that of my parents is so vast compared to the gaps between earlier generations. This is due to the effects of technological advancement and the globalization. However these vast differences often put ourselves in difficult situations when we try to come into terms with our parents on many issues.

When the priorities are concerned my parents were more family oriented and had their highest priorities set for the family. Everything else was secondary to them. In many families the wives were not working and they themselves took care of the household. They rarely sought any outside assistance for managing home. They had low social profiles and depended on their husbands who were the main bread winners in the family for all financial needs. Husbands too held the view that it was their prime duty to feed the family and never expected the wives to support them in supplementing the family budget. This family set up helped the earlier generation to have strong ties not only within their own family but also with their extended families, friends and neighbors.

However the priorities today have taken a dramatic move from what they were earlier. Most of us have high priorities for our career advancement irrespective of gender difference. In many families both the husband and wife are employed and they equally struggle to have a balance between work and family life. The wives are not so dependent on their husbands for financial assistance and have relatively higher social profiles to their mothers. For example, the women today spend both money and time at the saloons on vanity in contrast to their mothers who never bothered about such things. However, this change of priorities has demanded the modern couples to seek outside assistance to manage their family life. Day care centers, Paid domestic assistance and Fast Food Restaurants are very good examples for such help. However we have to admit that the strength of the relationships within the family and also with extended families have relatively deteriorated today.

Our ideas, attitudes and perceptions too have changed dramatically. My parents were very conventional thinkers who were reluctant to challenge the existing social and cultural norms. However we are more rebellious in our attitudes and are not scared to do things out of the box. For example, in the earlier generation the divorces were discouraged by the society itself. If you were a divorcee you had to undergo so much social pressure. Today we are not concerned about how others view our actions. If we feel that the divorce is the best option to solve the issue we would not hesitate to go for it. And the today's society does not look down upon divorcees.

These differences are so common in the tastes too. My generation has overly embraced the western influence in all forms of art to which there is a strong opposition from the earlier generation. My parents are admires of local traditional art forms and fear about the future of their existence. These traditional art forms are no doubt are very rich in their value and are essential features in our culture. Therefore there is much validity in their fears and it is the responsibility of our generation to be thoughtful of certain adverse effects of globalization on our society and culture.