Writing Feedback / Perspective on Team Work - A group working or individual work? [3]

Two heads are better than one. A group working in tandem will always provide better, faster results than an individual working alone.

My Arabic grandfather used to always say, "A sack with two handles should be carried by two men," indicating that whenever there is room for cooperation, it should always be preferred to a one-man job. This axiom stems from this essential common belief among myriad cultures. Although some may find that being a part of a team can be distracting or time-consuming at times, I will argue that its advantages clearly outweigh those minor inconveniences.

First of all, having a team involved in a certain task is much more productive than assigning it to only 1 person. Together, they can brainstorm their ideas and discuss the possible outcomes of each. Through this approach, they are widening their horizons by encompassing the analytical and critical thinking of each member of this team and do not suffer from the fetters of limitation and restriction.

In a new study published last month in "Alahram Journal", 88% of those surveyed would rather work in a team than alone by themselves. The most compelling reason for this phenomenon was their genuine belief that the work load would be equally divided among their colleagues and they wouldn't have as much working hours. In reality, within the Egyptian job market, this actually checks! Since lots of organizations are now leading the cause to enforce a work day from 8 to 3 instead of the usualy 45-hour week, team work will prove even more advantageous where a job is done in a fraction of the time, presuming the team is working in sync.

Further, as an enterprise, who is seeking well-trained and highly-motivated indiviuals to hire, it would be an advantage assigning them to teams with more experienced employees. Thus, they learn from others and gain some of their experience bit by bit.

For the above stated reasons, I find no other stance but to be a complete protagonist for team work. It not only enhances the overall performance, but also assists in reducing the work load and allows inexperienced employees to get a head start on their career.

Could you please rate from 1 to 6, 1 being the worst?

Writing Feedback / The mayor views on new automobile manufacturing plant: GRE argument essay [2]

The following appeared in a memo from the Mayor of the city to Hillview:
In order to alleviate the serious unemployment problem in our town, we should encourage Autotech to build its automobile manufacturing plant in our area. The Hillview landfill, which has been undeveloped for decades, is a perfect site for this plant. The building and staffing of this plant will put to work thousands of Hillview residents left unemployed after Computech computer software programming company abandoned its national facility last year. I am asking the City Council to authorize a large campaign to attract the company and offer significant tax incentives to make our town attractive to this giant of car manufacturing.

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument

In the memo, the mayor of the city has built an argument based on unsubstantiated claims regarding the supposedly positive future outlook of the city of Hillview once the new Autotech company launches. Not only is his reasoning irrational, but he also fails to recognize the possible negative outcomes of such a plant.

First of all, the mayor presupposes that employees, who were laid off after the liquidation of the Computech company, will easily find jobs within this new automobile manufacturing plant, completely neglecting the fact that both companies are dealing with entirely different fields of technology. The former probably employed those with programming skills, capable of deciphering computer codes and scripts, but the latter will be mainly interested in mechanic engineers to supervise the auto manufacturing process. Even if for some reason those programmers choose to apply for these jobs and are accepted, their skills and talent will be put to ill use and through desuetude, they will gradually forget what they now know so it is by no means a good opportunity for them.

In addition, although the Hillview landfill may be viewed by some as the ideal site for this plant, the company officials may not necessarily agree. Within the entire memo, the mayor failed to point out why the landfill would stand out as an optimal location and only focused on its most conspicuous negative quality, the fact that it has been abandoned for a long time. That can hardly be an advantage since it would only imply that further construction work would be needed, thus more money to be spent.

Furthermore, the mayor fails to recognize the nature of the technological advances that manufacturing plants have witnessed over the years. Many rely on automated machinery, which are programmed to perform the entire process all the way from cutting the sheets of steel until the inner furnishing. Such systems are usually flawless and the final results constantly reproducible, unlike the very nature of human beings, who are liable to err. Therefore, the need for manual workers will be minimal, if any.

Dismissing the probably drawbacks of building an automobile manufacturing plant in the area, the mayor has not considered the long-term effects, most prominently health-related issues resulting from the accompanied inevitable pollution. Being exposed to this plant around-the-clock in the proximity of the townspeople could cause many to suffer from myriad disorders involving the respiratory and circulatory system. They would essentially abandon their jobs due to their constant sick leaves, which would cause the town to end up with an even bigger unemployment issue than it had already started with.

In order to strengthen his argument, the mayor needs to point out the career options available in the company and demonstrate that they would address the needs of those corresponding experts to exploit their educational background and not necessarily limit his scope to those, who recently joined the unemployment market. He also should discuss his reasoning behind the favoring of the Hillview landfill as the launching site and show that the necessary precautions required for maintaining the health and productivity of those individuals will be adhered to.

Could you please rate my essay on a scale of 1 to 6, 1 being the worst? Thanks!

Writing Feedback / Employee Efficiency and Performance Evaluation: GRE argument analysis [4]

Excerpt:
The following appeared in a memo sent by an outside efficiency expert hired by a firm to evaluate employee performance.
"In the six months that I have been watching the employees, their productivity has
increased by over 12 percent. Therefore, my recommendation is that the employees
either be watched by, or think that they are watched by, an outside evaluator at all times
from this point on."
Discuss the merits of the previous argument. Analyze the evidence used as well as the general
reasoning. Present points that would strengthen the argument or make it more compelling.

My essay:

In this memo, the expert is building his argument on several unsubstantiated assumptions that he has collated over his six month stay in the firm. He is suggesting a permanent employment of an external evaluator based on his observations and neglects other probable causes of an increment in the employee's productivity.

The most conspicuous assumption of them is the expert's absurd conclusion that the reported increased efficiency in the employee's performance was a direct result of his presence as an evaluator. Although it is common knowledge that human beings generally perform better as they are being watched over, this is not necessarily the case. In fact, certain employees crack under such pressure and their performance deteriorates as they are agonizing over the extra pair of eyes observing their every movement. They may waste time in an attempt to be perfectionists and evade any room for criticism or negative feedback.

In addition, this expert builds his argument on a belief that if the employees' performance had indeed been positively affected by his presence, that other outside evaluators will have the same effect. This is simply inane because an evaluator's personality, charisma and general approach to things profoundly affect the final outcome. He might have gathered expertise over the course of his career, which assisted him in being a positive influence onto the employees, something which other evaluators could lack. Just because this single evaluator supposedly succeeded in the 12% efficiency increment doesn't dictate that others from the same or different firm would hold to such standards.

Furthermore, the argument never discusses the possibility of other dramatic changes during those previous six months, that could have partaken in this improvement of productivity. What if the company was cutting back on employees and they were all fighting for a chance to keep their positions? What if the head manager had retired and a new one was appointed? What if a new archiving system had been implemented to keep work in order? What if the working hours had been extended or due to the plummeting economy employees were taking extra shifts to keep cash flowing? All of these are potential logical reasons for the change reported by the evaluator.

Therefore, in order to strengthen his argument, the evaluator should have considered all of the circumstances surrounding the employees which could have caused such changes. He should have corroborated his memo with a report on the employee's productivity for a week or so once he had left the organization and all was back to normal. Also, it is important to report similar changes in productivity reported by fellow colleagues to further buttress his suggestion and aver that such progress can be maintained by other external evaluators.

Can you please rate my essay on a scale of 1 to 6? Thanks!

Writing Feedback / School Uniforms would decrease the violence in schools: GRE Perspective Essay [3]

Prompt: School Uniforms would decrease the violence in schools and increase the potential for learning.

I definitely agree with the author's statement. Enforcing uniforms in public and private schools alike would be a major deterrence to bullying and violence among school mates. It would not only reduce the episodes of constant teasing and satirical remarks, but also would ultimately prove on the long run to enhance the focus and attention of students on the learning material in the classroom setting. Although some might view them as a form of constraint and manacles to their free will, the benefits outweigh this minor inconvenience.

In an interview aired recently on the television, psychologists from three distinct countries, the United States, Russia and Japan, widely separated geographically, aver that the majority of teasing in schools is caused by the kid's type of clothing. Personal attire contributes to the type of friends these children ultimately make and dictates the cliques they join. This creates a self-esteem dilemma, that reflects on the school performance of those students. Having a school uniform, where all students are dressed equally, will definitely reduce such boundaries and vanquish existing superficial prejudices based on what a child wears.

Closely related to this idea, is the goading of braggarts about the latest fashion hits, being brought into the hallways and classrooms. Without knowing it, these kids gain a reputation of being selfish and fastidious. Some might view themselves as being downright special and demand adulation and favorable treatment, even from their teachers. Creating a setting where all the school children view each other with similar outfits will help bridge forms of communication between them, instead of feeding anger and envy.

Furthermore, since some students can afford purchasing brand-name products while others are running on a tight budget, it is absurd to expect those less fortunate kids not to hold a grudge against their fellow school mates for possessing such items. In some extreme forms, this has actually lead to cases of petty theft, pocket lifting, and even stealing from lockers as I was attending middle school. This is hardly an environment which nourishes the minds of tomorrow and is incapable of upbringing emotionally stable adults into our communities. Although a school uniform will not completely abolish such incidences since accessories and cell phones are a necessity nowadays, but it is a step in the right direction and will cut back on them.

In addition, from personal experience, having a school uniform in my school has proved to be extremely practical. No more gazing around the closet every morning in search of the perfect outfit. Even my friends have admitted that they cut back on those endless hours spent in shopping sprees at the mall once a uniform was enforced. This is a key point when taking into account the possible alternate ways of putting this time into beneficial use, such as the participation in extracurricular activities and events or joining on-campus clubs.

In conclusion, my proponent view on the issue of school uniforms takes into account the potential emotional issues students struggle with as they are heading off to school each day and the creation of an environment where all of them feel better about themselves in order to profit from the teaching of their instructors.

Writing Feedback / "If I cannot have freedom, I'd rather not be alive": GRE issue essay [3]

Prompt: "If I cannot have freedom, I'd rather not be alive"
Looking Forward To Your Comments! :)

Quoting Mel Gibson as the lead character in Braveheart: "Aye, Fight and you may die! Run and you'll live, at least a while. But dying on your bed many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just once chance, to come back here and show our enemies that they may take our lives, but they will never take our FREEDOM!" It is one of the essential rights all human beings are entitled to, apart from the infernal ones that is. Clearly one can grasp this concept once confronted ...

Writing Feedback / Luxury goods market is on the decline: GRE argument essay [2]

Could you please give me your opinions. Any Suggestions are welcomed :) Thanks!

The market for the luxury-goods industry is on the decline. Recent reports show that a higher unemployment rate, coupled with consumer fears, has decreased the amount of money the average household spends on both essential and nonessential items, but especially on nonessential items. Since luxury goods are, by nature, nonessential, this market will be the first to decrease in the present economic climate, and luxury retailers should refocus their attention to lower-priced markets.

The argument argues that due to the declining stance of the global economy, retailers should be focus more rapt attention regarding the essential items, crucial for all households and abstain from promoting luxury products. This is based on a number of puny assumptions, which weaken and etiolate its effectiveness.

First of all, the conclusion is based on the notion that luxury products are nonessential. This can be completely refuted since it is a matter of personalities. Some couples view a 24-carat diamond ring as a necessity for a perfect wedding. Working mothers may find it difficult to discipline their children if it hadn't been for those chocolate bars, a promising reward for good behavior. Such products may be redeemed life-saving for some and it is practically fatuous and inane to give up on this promising marketing sector.

In addition, the augury of an earlier decline in the luxury goods market versus the essential goods when the economy plummets is based on an amateur prognosis, not on simple hard-core facts. This is not an inevitable consequence for numerous reasons. People, who would still be employed, would most probably want to take advantage of the clearance sales and bargains, created to stimulate purchasing. Imagine a Prada handbag sold at a $100 or a pair of authentic Nike tennis shoes at $200. It would be a good investment and completely worth the money. Even for the unemployed, such opportunities would seem inelutable and may very well sell off some property to partake in this spree!

Furthermore, it is assumed that a rapt attention directed towards the lower-priced markets would actually be effective and would increase revenues. This is not necessarily the case because the attention could be, at some instances, counterproductive. It might lead to fierce competition between various firms, leading to a lose-lose situation, where both are attempting to win over customers by reducing their price tags and evidently turning to chapter eleven to file for bankruptcy.

To strengthen this argument, it would have been sage to report results of a concrete survey regarding the importance of luxury products to the general public. Financial experts could recall previous lapses of the global economy and contrast the probability of a receding market for the non-essential products. Finally, cases of an increased attention, successful of turning back the economy around, should have been highlighted and the measures to be done pointed out.