Writing Feedback / Ielts - Advertisements have become part of our life and it is impossible to ban them [2]


Advertising has become a huge business in the modern world.


Well, do not drag too much on this idea as you may run out of time. Start your essay with a hook and then quickly move into introducing the background of the topic.


Well, this sounds a bit vague. It is nicer to finish your introduction with a clear statement expressing your view on the issue. And then in the body paras, give reasons (one per body para) that you use to justify your view point and then support them with specific examples. The reader would find that approach more convincing.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 - Ticket buying Chart Comparison [4]


First, this task is aimed at assessing your report writing skills and therefore you should present details in a very concise and reporting manner. Do not unnecessarily lengthen your sentences and try to be more formal in your tone than being personal.

This is my suggestion for the intro;
The bar charts present details about online ticket purchasing for theater, concert and cinema . The first chart shows the popularity levels of online ticket purchases in Australia, UK and Malaysia for two different age categories. The the second chart shows the details of means of access such as desktops, laptops and mobile phones for online ticket purchasing in the three countries.

Writing Feedback / Retail cashier job - my very first job experience [3]


Yes, this is a very important thing.... you should tell us why and for what purpose you wrote this for us to understand the background and give you some meaningful feedbacks.

Here is some advice on grammar;


I grabbed - past tense
I was grabbing - past continuous
I grab - present tense
I am grabbing - present continuous
I will grab - future
I will be grabbing - future continuous

Don't have the tenses mixed up in a sentence.

Graduate / 'I found my favorite area' - SoP- Phd in Antropology [4]

I made different contacts to develop my master's research, I asked for help tofrom a professor from theof Psychology Institute and to a PhD student fromwith major in Botany. I worked withMy research was based on the behavior of capuchinCapuchin monkeys withwho are under the human influence. (stop here) This is a current and important issue (no comma) since many primate species are in this situation.

Writing Feedback / People care more about public recognition than about money [4]


first and foremost purpose for what? This sounds a bit vague :(


.... well, recognition is not really a spiritual motivation, but it deals more with one's emotions. This is my suggestion;
To begin with, though emotional incentives play an important role in motivating a person, money indeed matters more in that respect.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: "what you should believe finally is not others, not any book, but only you" knowledge gained [4]

Well, you are presenting your introduction in a more sporadic manner.... You have several sentences that do not come in one bunch to form a clear introduction. In this task, you better follow a specific format and an approach. First begin your intro with a good hook and then introduce the background of the issue. Finally state your opinion on the issue very clearly. In your body paras you should justify your opinion by giving reasons a supporting them with specific examples.