Graduate / "the field of law" - What are you trying to achieve UC PROMPT 1 [2]

Hey guys I just wrote a rough draft of my UC Prompt 1. I tried my best to express myself but I am not sure if i conveyed myself well. ANY HELP (grammar,etc) OR ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT. THANKS IN ADVANCE!

Describe the world you come from - school, community, or family- and tell us how it has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

"What are you trying to achieve?". This is the motto of my household. My parents ask themselves this same question before they are make critical decisions and ask me this same question as I venture out into a future of my own.

As first generation immigrants to the United States, my parents have worked tirelessly to establish a strong foundation for me and my brother to succeed. I have always been told that the sky is the limit and to pursue what my heart desires. The quest for success and strong will instilled me is a result of my upbringing. I often see my fellow classmates ushered into a path of life controlled by their parent's wishes. My parent's, however, wished that I choose my own path and discovered my own opportunities.

I questioned their methods of parenting when they encouraged me to be independent. After all, how does a twelve year old decide between playing soccer or volleyball? It was frustrating at first to work through problems on my own, but soon I became less dependent and developed as an individual. I was never served on a platter; I was never forced through piano lessons on Sunday and swimming classes on Saturday. I developed my interests because I wanted to pursue them - not as a result of my parent's wishful thinking. This freedom of development allowed me to discover what truly mattered to me and the amount of effort required to reach my goals.

This work ethic is now nurtured into my behavior and is evident through the positions I have acquired at school and extracurricular activities. This summer, I applied for a job because I wanted to support my own expenses. At school I took a leap of faith and I applied for a position as a reporter for the school paper because I was intrigued by the power of journalism. My parents motivated me through all my different endeavors and watched me grow as an individual. And now, much like them, it is time for me to ask "What am I trying to achieve?".

As I have navigated through various activities, I realized that I have developed an interest in the field of law. This is a combined result of discussing political issues in Journalism class and serving as an intern on a political campaign over the summer, both activities I pursued on my own. And to answer my parents: I want to achieve a career as a successful lawyer and help others receive the justice they deserve.

Undergraduate / "Soccer is my hobby" BETTER OR WORSE - UC (quality, talent, contribution) [5]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

I wrote this last year as a Junior, didnt take it too seriously. Now i am actually considering it? IS IT TOO GENERIC AND CHEESY?!

PLEASEE ANY HELP (also check my other thread if you could :))!! thank you!

Throughout my life I have always been told to try something new and take a risk. Last year for the first time I truly took that advice to heart. Fall of freshmen year my friend convinced me to start playing soccer again after a four year hiatus. My passion for the sport rekindled; however, I saw soccer only as an enjoyable hobby and did not consider pursuing it on a competitive front. "Soccer tryouts on the lower field after school Monday at 3:00 pm," echoed through the halls as I walked to class on a brisk November morning.

The thought of trying out for the school team had crossed my mind before, but I always pushed the notion away because of my fear of failure. I asked my mom about her opinion regarding the matter. She told me that "Fear of failure is never a reason not to try something new. The worst that can come of it is that nothing changes." These few words of wisdom made a momentous impact on my decision to try out for the school team. I put my best efforts forward for the next three days of try outs and I was pushed to limits that I did not know were within my reach. After a long day of sprints and ball exercises, the coach was about to announce his final cut of the team. My heart was pounding rapidly in anticipation of knowing whether my hard work had paid off. The coach began announcing the numbers of the players who had made the team, "number fifteen, number eight, number twenty four...", and at this point I was sure that I was cut. There were eighteen spots available and fifteen numbers were announced already. I felt pangs of disappointment ripple through me but I was content with my attempt. Then second to last the coach called out my number, "And numbers thirty two and forty." Waves of shock and utter joy traveled through my body upon hearing my number and I could not stop grinning from ear to ear.

That moment proved to me that if I did not take risks it would be impossible to reach my greatest potential. When I reflect back on the try out, I am proud that I gathered the courage to go out on a limb and push for something I thought was unreachable. The team turned out to be one of the best experiences of my sophomore year. Coach Paul also helped me improve my game and take my skills to a higher level. I made new friends and improved my skills with a great coach who motivated me to do my best. If I had stayed with the recreational league, I would have never known my full potential as a contributing player on the school team.

Previous to this experience, I had always been somebody who preferred staying on the safe side of all matters. If I were to take a class, I would always take it with a friend; I never pursued things that required branching out of the norm. Taking this one risk has instilled a new confidence in me. Now I am willing to do things that I would not have considered before like going on the roller coaster that I am deathly afraid of. This has also further reinforced my work ethic of determination and putting in my best efforts. I worked hard during those three days of tryouts and put my best effort into all the drills. The coach noticed my willingness to learn and decided I deserved a spot on the lineup. I tried my best and even if I had not made the team I would have been proud of my attempt at something new and challenging.

Undergraduate / "The experience with Roberto" - MEANINGFUL EXPERIENCE [6]

This is my first draft. excuse the rough ending. i wasnt really sure hwo to end it without being too cliche. ANY HELP WOULD BE GREAT!! i was hoping to modify this essay to fit the common app prompts also.

Prompt: USC's speaker series What Matters to Me and Why asks faculty and staff to reflect on their values, beliefs, and motivations. Presenters talk about choices they have made, difficulties encountered and commitments solidified. Write an essay about an event or experience that helped you learn what is important to you and why it is important.

"Are you the volunteers passing out these fliers?" asked a man aged from years of outdoor labor as he leaned against the street lamppost squinting intently at the flier I had just given to his daughter. It was a sunny morning with a chill, undulating breeze and I was walking around the neighborhoods of a city unknown to me handing out fliers. What was I doing here on a precious Saturday? I asked myself the same question as I struggled to get out of bed at 7 am that morning. It was my first day as a volunteer on Nadia Lockyer's campaign for Alameda County Supervisor; little did I know that this day would influence my future prospects.

I was accompanied by campaign manager, Miles, because I was fairly new to the process and the neighborhoods. We were going from house to house in researched weak precincts to hand out literature on Nadia's candidacy. Miles and I were returning to the campaign headquarters when this middle aged, Hispanic man approached us. The man's eyes immediately lit up when we assured him that we were volunteers on Lockyer's campaign. "I want to speak to you about a serious concern in our neighborhood," he continued with a look of deep distress. "The city officials have deemed our community park as city property, and they have planned to replace the only green in our neighborhood with offices." The man, Roberto, stood on the corner of the street and pointed to the small patch of green which constituted as a "park". It was a mediocre plot of greenery at its best, but he told us that it meant the world to the children of the neighborhood and served as their only source of escape from the tough situations they faced at home.

Roberto sent multiple letters to the local officials but received no answers. Miles told him that he would definitely arrange a meeting with Nadia to discuss the issue and contact local officials. Miles proceeded to meet with this man whom he knew nothing about and discuss what Nadia could do to help his cause. At that moment, it dawned on me that despite having a negative image some politicians do want to help their constituents.

My parents are always keen to hear my answer to the million dollar question: "What do you want to do in life?". I used to dread that moment of truth and seeing a blanket of disappointment overcome their faces when I answered "I am not sure right now." I was tired of not knowing what it was I wanted to pursue in life. I decided I would take fate into my hands and applied for a summer internship on Nadia Lockyer's campaign because I wanted to explore my interests.

The experience with Roberto was the beginning of a successful summer which helped me determine what I wanted to do. I want to help people. I still believe that I have much to explore before I decide exactly what I want to pursue. Roberto signified the individuals in society that are seeking answers and are need in help or guidance. Whatever future path I choose, I know that I want to be able to say I helped someone; whether it is as a lawyer or doctor.