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Posts by kockyo
Joined: Oct 22, 2010
Last Post: Nov 6, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 9  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 12
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kockyo   
Oct 28, 2010
Undergraduate / My Father, The Sun of My Life- (influential person), Commonapp [4]

Describe a person who has significant influence on you.

The most influential person in my life showed me the stars and taught me how to reach them. With a willing hand to lend, he has been a helper and an advisor. This person means the world to me. He is my father, the sun of my life.

My father has always been the supporting force for my academic achievements. When I was in 9th grade, I set up my goal to attend one of the top high schools in my province. This school required perfect scores in the 9th grade high school entrance exam. I was very depressed. I felt that I was suffocating under so much pressure for perfection. However, It was my father who rescued me from despair by giving me a lesson without saying anything. One Sunday afternoon after I finished my homework, he came to my room and said, "Let's go downstairs and I will teach you how to ride a bike." I was surprised, since I had always wanted to learn, but I never had the chance as I grew up in a city. Downstairs, my father instructed me in the basic principles of balancing a bike, and asked me to practice. I started to pedal and soon fell down on the ground after covering a short distance. Even though my knees hurt badly, it seemed unlikely that my father wanted me to stop. Eventually, I rode the bike with perfect stability. I looked at him and saw a charming smile on his face. Then I realized the reason why my father asked me to learn this elementary skill. Never would I know the joy of success if I gave up halfway. From that day onward, I applied this philosophy to diligence in my schoolwork. I achieved a perfect score on the entrance exam and I went to my dream high school.

Unlike other parents in China who just want their children to accomplish academic success, my father wants me to be unique. He supports everything I want to do as long as I have an appropriate reason. He encouraged me to learn to play the piano and the guitar when he discovered my interest in music. Because of my passion, I was selected to be the president of the music club in my high school. It was my father who inspired me to become the one to break with tradition. After sophomore year began, a strong impulse inside me urged me to explore areas other than academics. I started a rock band, called Big Potato, with other students in my club. After practicing for several months, we had our first live show in school. On that day, the screaming and applauding of our fans rebounded in the entire gym during our performance. We left our mark in school history. Without my father, I would never have thought that one day I could stand on a stage, rocking my own guitar just like other rock stars do.

My father has not only taught me knowledge, but also nurtured my mind. Once, when I scored only 68 on a math test, I threw my test paper into a trashcan on my way home. After I arrived home, my father asked me for the test paper, but I lied to him and said that our teacher had not returned it. Later he found out that I was lying; he went with me to the trashcan, and waited there until I found my test paper. I realized how silly I was to lie to him and I could not stop my tears. On the way home, he told me that no matter how badly I scored, I should face the reality and be honest. This was a life lesson that I have never forgotten.

My father has given me the support when I wanted to quit, has taught me that being unique is a valuable trait, and has nurtured my understanding of life. He has been the sun of my life: the sunshine that warms me and the brightness that enlightens me when I get lost on my way. He is my father, a guide, and a source of my strength. I look up to him with love, trust and pride.

Can anyone see why I put those letters bold in the essay? (Because s,u,and n is SUN!) But when I actually gave my essay to others, they cannot find out the secret in this essay. Do you guys think I should keep these letters bold?
kockyo   
Oct 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "volunteering at Huntington Hospital + medical records department" Common App [3]

Many of these patients engage me in conversation, sharing their life experiences and even asking about mine.

This sentence sounds a little bit awkward. I think it should be Many patients started conversation with me, sharing their life experiences.

Overall, its a well-organized essay! Good luck!
kockyo   
Oct 27, 2010
Undergraduate / What do you see yourself explore in U Penn? - Supplement [4]

Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn?

The charisma of business has magnetized me since I was a young girl. It has been fascinating to observe my father building his company and managing his employees. My enthusiasm for organizing and managing events have merited me honors and awards. Because of my passion in management, studying at Wharton School of Business has been my dream for a long time.

I consider Wharton to be an extremely competitive place where I can perform and contribute my best with other highly motivated students. Many times, business is not individualized work. A successful business depends on leadership, teamwork and communication proficiency. At Wharton, the breadth of curriculum is geared toward developing these skills. I am excited to participate in Management 100 to work on a team project with ten students. Because of my international experiences, I believe I can be a flexible thinker who will enhance my group. I will be able to give as much as I will learn.

Seeing the world with a broadened eye view is important in the 21st century. Having studied in two diverse cultures, I bring an awareness of working and negotiating business from an international perspective. This past summer I worked with my father and served as his assistant, translating in two languages. I learned about intercultural relationships and the value they have in the business world. Wharton will be the place that allows me to build on the business knowledge I learned in my family and apply it to new situations.

Joining clubs is one of the best choices to meet new friends and widen one's interests. I would like to join the Social Impact Consulting Group and Penn International Business Volunteers where I can apply my skills to help organizations in need. Making profit is not the only goal of business; it should also promote changes that bring meaningful and beneficial contributions to society. In addition, I do have my secret love in fashion. I was surprised to find a club about fashion called Dzine2Show, which publishes Penn's campus fashion magazine. By joining this club, I will learn more about fashion show design, direction and production. It will be thrilling to meet people who share the same passion with me.

I am ready to dive into the innovative and diverse community of Penn. As an international student, I believe that I will meet true, lifelong friends from every corner of the world that will expand my future business network. My history demonstrates I am a leader, a team player and a flexible thinker. It will be motivating to be a member of this vibrant, global community and exciting to be part of the team of students at Wharton to redefine business. I am up for the challenge.
kockyo   
Oct 22, 2010
Undergraduate / I am a warm-hearted girl; Mich Supp- international community [5]

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

It was my first time to be such a great distance away from my home by myself when I came to the United States to study. As an international student, I live in a large community of a residential dorm. In fact, it is not only a community, but also a big family with approximately two hundred family members from every corner in the world.

I had only attended North Broward Preparatory School for five months when I was chosen to be one of the residential prefects for the next fall. I was so proud of myself because it was such an honor to stand out among all the candidates. It has been challenging to undertake this responsibility. My tasks are to help all the other residential students adjust to dorm life, answer any questions they have and assist dorm parents with scheduling activities on the weekends. Besides, all the residential prefects hold a meeting every week to discuss issues in the dorm, and bring up ideas that can help build active dorm life.

I am a warm-hearted girl. It makes me feel great when I can lend a hand to others. I am glad that all the students in the dorm feel comfortable coming to me with any problems. I take my job as a residential assistant earnestly. I enjoy being in this dynamic dormitory, and I will continue meeting the challenge of living in a diverse community with friends from all over
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