Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Posts by helloworld1
Joined: Dec 14, 2010
Last Post: Dec 31, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 12  

From: Singapore

Displayed posts: 15
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Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "to pay respects to my ancestors" Personal Statement (Topic of Choice) [4]

Each day she spends handling two jobs JUST to keep the life in America she has built

I discovered how exciting solving science PROBLEMS could be

Just some minor mistakes.. its a really great essay overall! shows ur determination and fortitude in the face of adversity (:
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "moving and living in another country" - Yale upload document Education interruption. [2]

i think there is much more room to elaborate on the 'cultural and language gap'. and most importantly elaborate on how it has changed you, how u deat with it, and maybe link it to your future plans.

The yale supplement is supposed to reach 400 words if i'm not wrong..

Could you take a look at my 150word essay? thanks(:
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "an abundance of career options and successful education" - WHY NORTHWESTERN? [4]

hey i think this is really good! you've connected ur personal experiences with northwestern im sure the AOs will love that(:

wads the word limit for this piece? maybe you could include other aspects of northwestern that you love.. but this essay is very good as it is (:
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "grassroots leader" - commonapp 150 word extracurricular [6]

Hey guys I'm quite bad at doing this pls help!! THANKS IN ADVANCE(:

I ran for my neighborhood's Youth Executive Committee (YEC) for a change - to escape the cocoon of sheltered school life and to contribute to my residential district. Together with other passionate members, we brought high school students to nursing homes, planned celebrations for mid-autumn festivals, and also organized policy forums to connect members of parliament with the community. These years of being a grassroots leader has not only broadened my worldview, but has also allowed me to form lasting friendships. After resolving numerous conflicts, working on 100-pages proposals and convincing different ministries, I learnt to collaborate better with my team members who were from all walks of life. Interacting with the elderly also taught me how to appreciate the smallest things, and they helped me see that success is about finding inner peace and purpose. Alongside my new friends, I realized that the more I give in life, the more I will gain.
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "Success is a measure of how well one has utilized the resources available" -commonap [10]

I think maybe you should start off with ur description of ur life circumstances, and then move ur first paragraph behind..maybe that'l be more engaging..

and its a really powerful story just try to play around with the structure and i'm sure you'l do fine! its alr very good as it is now (:

Could you take a look at my commonapp one thanks in advance!
Dec 20, 2010
Undergraduate / Find X (running is more than being the best) -UChig Supplement [5]

Hey guys thanks in advance for helping!

You can be really harsh and critical (:

X- A cross marked out in thick black ink on the crumpled map of the reservoir, about 12 kilometres from where we stood. Half a dozen of us clad in green and white singlets had our eyes fixated on the map as he described our route today - a meandering path under the canopy of lush trees, back and forth we were supposed to go. This was how I spent more than half of every week's evenings after school; I ran seemingly endless miles on the track and among the trees, sometimes splashing in tadpole infested mud and occasionally with heavy raindrops pounding against my face and head.

I did not fall in love with running the first time I tried completing 5km. Tired, hurting, and longing for the trees on both sides to pass quickly yet dreading each approaching step that I take- I was intimidated by it. Yet, I threw on my running shoes in a fit of irritation when my notes looked completely alien and inscrutable, and returned with a fresh mind after disposing of my frustration on the asphalt. When my sister and mum left for Canada, running was my faithful friend who stood by me. It makes me feel truly alive; I feel my heart pounding against my chest while my mind settles into a trance with a rhythmic breathing. It's a magical state that heals and flushes out the unhealthy excess of negative emotions. Somehow, the more I ran the more I began to enjoy the sense of total, complete accomplishment after surrendering every ounce of energy in my body, a reminder of the simple pleasures of challenging myself

After I joined competitive cross country, running occupies most of my afternoons and evenings without fail; during holidays when my friends are frolicking in snow halfway across the world, I will be scrutinizing maps to place the X if I go on vacation, or following the X on my coach's map if I remain. X is also a lifestyle- a commitment to reaching the destination in the shortest time, with every possible means. While my friends indulge in creamy cakes and lard-filled fried chicken, I find within me the strength to resist such delicious offerings and stick to healthier choices. And X does not merely represent the physical destination, but sets the stage for an internal struggle for dominance between mind and body, so intense and real which makes it truly exhilarating.

I also understood that running is not merely about an unchanging X, a fixed destination. Frequently, X is a variable and can be found anywhere as long as one looks hard enough. Sometimes, I chuck my map to one side, and run without any clue of where I'm going if I'm on vacation, exploring places as I run by. These times it's not about getting to my destination as fast as possible, but to wander around and take some risks, brave the lack of certainty, and hopefully still get somewhere eventually. Getting lost is not a bad thing either. It means I am going where I will have never gone on my own, making my way back much later, but still able to return with the help of friendly people.

I have since quit cross country, realizing that running to me is more than my desire to compete to be the best. I no longer have any more Xs on maps to follow, but running helps me break out of the habitual repetitions of daily life by the intense dose of physical and mental workout, providing the clarity to experience the world, to cope with difficult situations and to interact with people sincerely. More importantly, I run to find out who I am, what I stand for and my direction in life- the elusive and changing X
Dec 20, 2010
Undergraduate / "I offered him a seat" - Stanford Intellectual Vitalilty Essay [6]

I think you could make ur intro shorter, especially the part about describing mikey. A more direct intro would do more justice to ur amazing essay!

And maybe you could go deeper into how u wrestled with the idea, while using mikey's discussion as a starting point.

Hope i helped (:
Dec 20, 2010
Undergraduate / "My sister has been in a cold and foreign land"- common app essay [3]

Hey thanks in advance for reading!

I used to be amused at how her hands cannot touch each other when raised above her larger-than-usual head. To my parents, the size of her head represented an intellectual brilliance that was waiting to blossom and flourish. This dream continued until she was 7, when she faced numerous rejections for enrollment in mainstream schools. Refusing to entertain the prospect of her daughter attending a special school in Singapore, my mum brought her to Canada. Since then, she has been in a cold and foreign land, but nevertheless loved and comfortable. She is my sister. But no one knows about her.

I never told anyone that I had a sister; I was afraid of the barrage of questions that would ensue, questions which I inevitably feel inclined to lie about. I refused to allow her to be judged and scrutinized in a community where the yardstick for success is a certain excellence, where analytical skills seem to be a measure of value in some moral or metaphysical sense. I can imagine the little nod of understanding they would give, that slightly awkward and sympathetic "Oh" when they find out about her. And I was adamant to prevent it from happening.

After she departed for Canada, the weekends when I used to assemble toys for her out of discarded materials and the nights that I spent teaching her arithmetic became voids that had to be filled. At that juncture, it seemed as though it was destined that my friends introduced me to an advocacy group. I joined in the cause for disability issues and volunteered at a home for the intellectually and physically disabled, spending my weekends assisting my new companions like how I used to care for my sister. This new activity became a way I spent time with my sister- a bridge that transcends the boundaries of space to connect us halfway across the world.

After numerous exchanges and outings with them, it dawned upon me that my previous assertive self had been misguided. I realized that my companions yearned for acceptance, not protection. More importantly, I have failed to recognize my sister's continual attempts to assimilate into her community! She had been persistent in overcoming the wall between the others and her, trying again and again to interact with her peers after being ostracized. She had never complained about how different she is and how her friends treated her, never revealing the taunting and rejection she endured in school; it is only through constant questioning after she left that my dad told me what her teachers observed.

My friends suddenly seemed to be mocking me. I thought I was wise in protecting her, never realizing that I am the one who has much more to learn from her. To see her fortitude gave me more courage to try and to fail, for I understood that what is valuable is not in avoiding failures, but to rise every time after I fall. I cannot live a life without challenges, unless I have lived so cautiously that I might as well not have lived! I walk into adversity with my head held high now, for I know that I will try my utmost best to achieve my goals and it will be alright in the end. If it is not alright, then it is not the end and I will continue to struggle.

In addition, there was a blemish to our relationship that has eluded my awareness for a long time. I did not realize that my refusal to tell others of my sister may merely an excuse concocted to bury a slight tinge of shame that lies in the depths of my heart. I felt that I have failed in my role as a bigger brother all along! I have failed to see that there is no shame in what you are born with and how the world treats you- it is about how well you make use of what you have. We are all victims of whimsical fate. Blessed are those who start out better, but the real heroes are those who colored beyond the lines that their circumstances marked out. I abhor my previous self for the obsessing over how differently my sister started out in life, and thus unwittingly overlooked how far she has come. I should have no qualms letting people know the genetic disorder she was born with, but more importantly, I am now proud to let them know her personality, her interests, and her challenges in life.

Through my sister's and my companions' struggles, I am gradually liberated, liberated from things beyond my control to embrace the power I have over my future. As much as I still believe in miracles and fate, I am less bothered by these inscrutable forces beyond my comprehension. I now run faster than ever to move on and move beyond, for I am confident that the future is pregnant with burgeoning opportunities if I act now.

No matter how busy I will be, I will continue to volunteer and advocate in the hope that my actions can somehow make up for my 'betrayal'. With any chance, I hope that my sister will have peers like my fellow volunteers with their unflinching dedication who will interact with her, understand her and help her in whatever way possible. I live in the hope that through my efforts, I can bring my sister back to a better Singapore.

Be harsh and constructive please (:(: