Posts by ali

ali_cheif

Dec 30, 2010

Undergraduate / "I explored the countless cultures" - Yale "exotic food" [11]

This is a great essay. I like the tone very much. These are just small details but overall its a very good essay.

Those I can devour in a flash; But snails, frogs and turtles?

My curiosity got the best of me as I stayed up all night

Good luck.

ali_cheif

Dec 29, 2010

Undergraduate / "Interest in math, science, or engineering" - Caltech: your interest in science [3]

Its 387 words long. Is that too short.
Does it successfully answer the question?
Any suggestions are welcome.

Interest in math, science, or engineering manifests itself in many forms. Caltech professor and Nobel Laureate Richard Feynman (1918-1988) explained, 'I'd make a motor, I'd make a gadget that would go off when something passed a photocell, I'd play around with selenium'; he was exploring his interest in science, as he put it, by 'piddling around all the time.' In a page, more or less, tell the Admissions Committee how you express your interest, curiosity, or excitement about math, science or engineering.

I have bungee jumped. I have gone rock climbing. I have done extreme skiing and I once spent two nights in a cave full of bats, but nothing comes close to the sensation that comes with understanding how this universe works and trying to improve that understanding.

My scientific curiosity is fed by the potential journey from impossible to improbable to fact. I would, and at times still do, dwell on the possibility of there existing scientific truth to some of the most interesting and mysterious ideas. I for example, have recently been thinking if most of the atom is empty space, then why is it that they cant pass through each other; more specifically Ernest Rutherford's golden foil experiment already demonstrates that they can; so the remaining question is that in what way is it possible to somehow neutralize the repulsive force between the protons of different elements so that they can pass through each other.

Because of the fact that Iran's high schools are severely under equipped when it comes to laboratory science, I usually find different ways to express my practical interest in science. On one such occasion, while I was researching the possibly of powering solar panels with artificial light, I managed to create an energy cycle that sustained illumination with the energy provided by illumination however, this was very short lived because the efficiency of the solar panels available was very low.

I think the main tool for understanding and applying physics, other than imagination, is mathematics. It's what gives us the perspective required to approach most scientific problems. It has taught me that there are infinite approaches to a particular problem. My marvel with mathematics, namely calculus, manifests itself in many ways, My volunteering as a calculus teacher at my high school being one of them. I also enjoy working my way through the apparent complexity some mathematical problems retain.

In my world, whether it's time travel or teleportation, the many worlds interpretation or the twin paradox, the possibilities are limitless as long as we perceive them to be. So in conclusion, I think that my scientific curiosity manifests itself in my attitude towards our universe; from its creation to its current beautifully balanced state.

ali_cheif

Dec 29, 2010

Undergraduate / "minority students and their reputation" - Stanford intellectual vitality [5]

I like the idea that you're trying to convey, but unfortunately you don't succeed in doing so.
I think you're over exaggerating the discrimination against minority student.
To improve your essay, I think you should focus more on the positives of fighting against discrimination rather than talking about its existence.

Sorry if its harsh but thats what I think.

Hope it helps.

ali_cheif

Dec 29, 2010

Undergraduate / Aids Society- University of Michigan short essay [2]

Just a few suggestions...

Sometimes doing things for others makes people happy. I learned this while I was working with an AIDS society and an orphanage. Both of these societies work for the welfare of unfortunate children by improving how they feel and ensuring that they remain a part of and be involved in the world. My job was to teach the kids and spend time with them so that they wouldn't feel dejected. During each visit, I saw a bright smile on all the children's faces, a smile that conveyed to me that they were feeling secure and happy that someone cared for them. I involved myself completely with the kids, switching off my cellphone and forgetting every other concern in my life. Deeply engrossed in the smiles on their little faces, I used to lose all track of time, sometimes for as long as eight hours.

Going to movies and picnics with these kids actually gave me more satisfaction than I got from spending time with my friends.
I also talk to many people regarding the prevention of HIV and AIDS, so their children won't have to suffer in the future. With the help of many of the AIDS society's members, I have encouraged many to be involved in our society and help with this noble cause.

I really like your topic and I think you have written it very well.

Hope it helps.

ali_cheif

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / Caltech application: An ethical dilemma ( Slapping students ) [3]

I would love to continue but I can only write 1300 characters.

ali_cheif

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / Caltech application: An ethical dilemma ( Slapping students ) [3]

In Iran, although the numbers are dropping dramatically, physical intimidation and sometimes confrontation is still considered by the school staff as disciplinary methods. I myself have never been subject to such methods and until recently I had only witnessed a few minor pushes or debates between staff and the students, but that changed on May of 2010.

It was around 07:30 A.M. and I was as usual, organizing my study desk in the school library to meet my needs for the day when I suddenly heard yelling and screaming and just as I looked out into the yard I saw the school principal slapped one of my classmates very hard in the face. The rest of my friends stormed into the yard. We were all shocked. I know I was.

My classmate the " Slappee ", immediately ran out the door.

The next day I saw my classmate come in accompanied by both his parents and went straight into the principals office. After about thirty minutes the principal rushed into our classroom and angrily asked " Did any of you see me slap this kid?!" . The room went silent. Every body was scared that if they said anything their grades would be in danger. He smiled and said to the boys parents " See, your boy is simply trying to attract your attention." And just as he was leaving I stood up and said " Yes sir."

Please be critical.

ali_cheif

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "I played the bassoon in a symphony orchestra" -short answers on common application [2]

Ok you have a good topic now...

I played the bassoon in a symphony orchestra on campus. It was not easy preforming well in the orchestra. I had to participate in the training program three times a week, and even more when we had concerts and competitions planned . At the beginning, I could not find out the balance between studying and the orchestra . Also, the conductor was strict and sensitive, thus I was often criticized for not playing the perfect intonation. At times I considered quitting the orchestra, but I ran into a dilemma because I loved playing the bassoon and collaborating with other musicians . I thought I would regret itgave up since I had dreamed of being a member in an orchestra for several years. Consequently, I decided to stay. In order to do a good job, I practised two hours a day and maintained a tight schedule.

I think you should end it by saying that you learned that with planning and hard work you can always reach your goals. Or something like that.

Hope it helped

ali_cheif

Dec 27, 2010

Undergraduate / "Changing my education system" - MIT: Significant Challenge [8]

Its quite good a few suggestions I may have would be

was entirely dependent on how I did on my final exam.

No coursework or projects were affected my grade.

In general I think you should add little more details into it to make it more personal.

Hope it helps

ali_cheif

Dec 25, 2010

Undergraduate / "the last four weeks of eleventh grade" - MIT- Most challenging situation essay [7]

A total re-write.
What do you think?

ali_cheif

Dec 25, 2010

Undergraduate / The art in Tehran: world I come from, MIT admissions [3]

Thanks a lot everyone!

You were all very helpful.

ali_cheif

Dec 24, 2010

Undergraduate / The art in Tehran: world I come from, MIT admissions [3]

Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

A grey, smoggy, lego city with flat roofs and dapples of color speckled out randomly. I was born in Tehran.

As far back as I can remember, there has always been music in my home. Whether it was the sound of my sisters piano, my mothers singing or my brothers guitar I could always hear beautiful melodies. Naturally, as I grew up I learned to appreciate art and creativity. I was curios as to how such beauty was created.

Because of the fact that there aren't many places where people can meet and socialize in Tehran, most of the socializing usually takes place in parties and gatherings. And this forces many to be open minded and inviting towards other people. Which, can lead to interesting ends. You never know who you're going to meet. In my case, this is how I was introduced to my musician friends who later became very famous in Tehran. Their mixture of funky Jazz and Iranian folk music, turned them into an icon in Tehran's underground music community. They gave me a whole new perspective on the world. They taught me that sometimes, in order to understand a piece of art, one should ignore the details.

At tenth grade I was introduced to calculus. I didn't really understand anything until my math teacher started to help me. I enjoyed mathematics very much. It, also was an art. My math teacher taught me many things, but probably the most important of them is that, to understand somethings, details are all that matter.

I think living in Tehran has helped me grasp the concept that, the world we live in, is nothing more than one big art show waiting to be noticed. And sometimes, some parts of it does.

What can be done to improve it?
Does it successfully answer the question?

Be critical please.

ali_cheif

Dec 24, 2010

Undergraduate / "Making machines that could save and help - Why Engineering"- Columbia [5]

You have a good topic. But you may have exaggerated in some parts:

"but my grandmother had difficulty in swallowing them" I don't thats enough reason to dismiss pills. You can simply not talk about pills. you could say:There was the conventional medicine of course, but that just slowed the process down.

I hope it helped.

ali_cheif

Dec 24, 2010

Undergraduate / MIT:to prepare for the Konkoor, study for IELTS What attribute are you most proud of? [2]

What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about. (*) (200-250 words)

Many times I've asked my self " what do I really want? ". The answers to that question has changed many times throughout the years. But one thing is for certain, in order to reach any goal one might have , other than faith and creativity, the most important attribute required is perspiration. So I guess, that would be the aspect of my personality that I'm most proud of.

I believe the main cause of results in any aspect of life starts with interest but is completed with perspiration.
This has become clear to me through experience. Both good and bad. I remember that up till the end of the freshman year of high school, I relied on my intelligence to get me through. But that didn't work for me anymore. Some of my classmates surpassed me academically, that year resulting in a very negative impression of me on the school principal.

The most positive impact that my hard work has had on my life happened this summer. I had to prepare for the Konkoor ( the nation-wide Iranian university entrance exam ), study for my IELTS and prepare myself for my Capoeira belt exam. I remember that I used to put a book on a musical note holder while practicing the Capoeira Jinga in my room. My life went on like this for 2-3 months and then all three dates came. I was very proud of my results. I scored a band 8.5 on my IELTS. Messured at the top 0.8% of the country in the Konkoor and managed to jump two belts in my Capoeira exam.

"One percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration." - Thomas A. Edison

Ok first of all..Does it sound like I'm talking about sweating? (Non-native speaker)
Any and all suggestions are welcome.

ali_cheif

Dec 23, 2010

Undergraduate / "the last four weeks of eleventh grade" - MIT- Most challenging situation essay [7]

Thanks.
Your right. I was kind of unsure about whether I should write that or not.
Do you still think there are any problems?

ali_cheif

Dec 23, 2010

Undergraduate / "the last four weeks of eleventh grade" - MIT- Most challenging situation essay [7]

So what do you think?
How can it be better?
and its 12 words too long.

I think the most challenging situation I've ever been in, would be the last four weeks of eleventh grade.

At the last month of every year an organization called Ghalamchi conducted four weekly tests, consisting of the subjects taught in fall, winter, summer and one combined test. About sixty thousand students participated each year and the top 20 of the fourth test would get their picture in the Ghalamchi magazine...

After rewrite:

It was a new school. A small school indeed, but it had what many schools in my area didn't. The spirit of learning. It was all because of a man. My math teacher among other things. He helped me when I didn't know I needed it. He, instead of ignoring, stood by me while I tried to learn my way into the world of science. I remember that he used to stay hours after every body had left just in case I had a question.

A year passed and at 11th grade I was teaching 11th grade math in my own school. I knew I had to show him my gratitude, so I made a promise to myself to rank in the top 20 in the nation wide contest held at the end of each year. I had 60,000 competitors. The contest comprised of four weekly tests each covering a specific trimester in the year and one covered the entire year.

I studied long and hard for the first test and when the results were in I was very disappointed. 500 was now where near 20. I still had 3 opportunities.

I studied harder, more thoroughly. But the result wasn't what I had hoped for. 314.
I found it was becoming increasingly harder to keep my promise. But I couldn't lose hope. I had to focus. I changed my reference books and relaxed a bit for the third one. 117.

I was starting to lose hope. Only a week left and I had to try five times harder if not more. I reviewed my work. Practiced more. Going through the books I had looking over anything that could effect my results.

I didn't make it to the top 20. I made it to the top 22. Even though I didn't reach my goal of reaching the top 20 I did however, manage to show him how much his efforts meant to me for he was very proud. Through this I learned that no matter the obstacles in my way I should always try my best to achieve my goals, and if that isn't enough, then I should try harder.

ali_cheif

Dec 23, 2010

Undergraduate / "Beirut, 17 years ago" - My country's influence - MIT world essay [4]

Well, Its very good. You explain Lebenon and the Lebanese very well. You could add a little about your family to make it a little more friendly, But I assume you don't want too.

As for little stuff,

I believe I hold that determination. ( No "I do" )
Home to 18 different religious sects.

Hope that helps

ali_cheif

Dec 23, 2010

Undergraduate / Keep smiling there will be a happy, person who has had a significant influence on you [4]

Its a very nice essay. Just a few suggestions...

Keep smiling there, Keep smiling there will be a happy end!

"Happiness is the only thing which doubles, if one shares it" (Albert Einstein)
That has always been my favorite quote.
Many students probably write that their parents, relatives or a famous, perhaps a Nobel Prize winner has influenced them most. Yet, I would like you to know about my dear friend Gully. Gully and I have been friends since 5th grade and to me she has always been one of the most optimistic people I have ever known. Her constant smiling face could always light up my day.

As I have been class president since 7th grade, I considered myself as a mature, independent, optimistic person. I had never considered the possibility that I could ever be foolish . Due to my leadership role in class, my teachers have treated me as an adult from a very young age on. Yet, Gully will prove me wrong. In fact until the end of 9th grade, I was still a whiny little girl.

As I already mentioned, ever since I have known Gully, she has always told me to embrace the moment and should not solely look at the dark side of life. Every time I started to whine about some unfortunate events, she would carefully listen to me and tell me not look back but take it as an experience for the future. "Keep smiling, there will be a happy end", she always told me. Secretly, I envied her, since to my mind she led a perfect life without any worries. Since I thought no one could always look at the bright side of life. However, my conclusion would prove itself completely wrong.

Starting from 9th grade Gully frequently missed classes. Whenever I asked her about it, she solely told me she had a cold or fever and I did not further question it until she disappeared from school for over two months. Since I grew suspicious and well, I cared about her well-being, I decided to visit her. At her house, I found a very weak Gully whose shoulder was wrapped. As I asked her what happened, she told me she just had a surgery in which a tumor was removed from her right shoulder. I could not believe it. Apparently, Gully had suffered the pain of the tumor all this time ; still she was able to keep up her smile. I truly felt embarrassed that I complained about so many small things while she actually had bigger problems. Although the new gain of knowledge was shocking to me, I was happy that she was fine, but this was my second wrong assumption.

Only after few months, Gully started to complain about severe headaches. Both of us knew a possible reason for the headache but I did not want to believe it. After Gully came back from the doctor she told me the truth which I did not want to believe. Her tumor has moved to her brain. Considering the fact that she was the one who suffered she was way stronger than me. After all, I was the one who cried. I asked God why her? She was just a 15 year old gir l, she should not carry such a heavy burden! Again, it was Gully who comforted me, saying the exact same word again, "Keep smiling, there will be a happy end". I had never cried that hard ever in my life, not even when my grandmother passed away because I could not help her nor share her pain. Furthermore she has not even lived her life! Looking back, I know that although my tears showed Gully my affection for her, but were probably also the reason why she has not told me about her sick ness before. She was worried that her problems would eat me up.

During the middle of 10th grade, she left my school in order to treat her disease. Still today, I admire her courage and her unstoppable effort to make the best out of her life under the circumstances.

Nowadays Gully still thanks me for being such a good friend during her sickness. She was already back at school when I returned from my year in the States. However, she has not realized that I actually learned way more and received much more support from her than she from me. Through her sickness, I had the time to think my life over . Suddenly, I understood what she has always tried to tell me. It is true that we only live once (at least in this body).

Through Gully, not only did I start to appreciate every single moment of my life but also, she taught me that no obstacle should be between one's happiness and dreams. Therefore, no matter what will happen, I will keep up my smile, because to every problem, there will be a solution and a happy end. I know that still, I sometimes complain about my situation, but every single day I learn to appreciate and be grateful for my life a little more. I do not only want to enjoy my life myself, I would like to bring happiness and a small to other people as well . Hence, it is always a highlight in my week when I visit my grandparents at the nursing home. It feels great to see how happy I can make them just by reading out to them.

Yet, one thing I taught Gully is that true that happiness doubles when one shares it, but burden will also be halved if you share it with your friends. be a happy end!

"Happiness is the only thing which doubles, if one shares it" . That's still my favorite quote.

ali_cheif

Dec 23, 2010

Undergraduate / "I am proud of being inquisitive" - personality essay [6]

This is quite good. But I think you could improve with little examples which your inquisitiveness has helped you solve some sort of problem in your life.

ali_cheif

Dec 23, 2010

Undergraduate / "interest in the Physics department" - MIT admissions: Part 2 [2]

Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (100 word or fewer )

My main interest is the Physics department. Whenever somebody asks me " why physics? " my reply usually is " I've always been interested in the Why's and How's of things. Because with understanding how somethings work or why somethings act the way they do we can duplicate the effects to some extent if not in full. And doing so may help us improve some aspects of life. Needless to say, the sensation that comes with discovery is far greater than anything I have ever experienced.And since physics deals with every natural phenomenon known or unknown to man, I have chosen to study it."

Is this good enough? Oh and I have to reduce it by two words.