Unanswered [12] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by kisna22
Joined: Dec 25, 2010
Last Post: Jan 6, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 9  

From: USA

Displayed posts: 11
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kisna22   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "our kids will go to the same school" - Stanford letter to roomate . [7]

hi,
i am not really good at editing essays so my comment might not be as useful. I really liked your style. its informal and sorta has an objective tone to it.

I didnt really find any grammar mistakes so i dont think you need to worry about that

set your mind on something else other than your worries

I think you should edit around the part where you talk about music.. i dont know it has no spark to it
kisna22   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / I want to write abourt art/music or literature - Question about Supplement Essay [4]

"What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?"

I want to write abourt art/music or literature.. although my major/career interest is not art/music/lit. I am actually interested in premed maybe.. dont know yet but Im saying undecided on my apps. SO..would it be ok to write about art rather than on science?
kisna22   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "to study an instrument, Violin" - CommonApp - Short Answer [7]

I think its beautifully written! i like the imagry it displays.
Things i suggest you should change (dont have to)
acquired
the crowd burst into applause
immense amount of time dedicated to practicing

help me w/ mine?
kisna22   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "an ammunition depot exploded" - Common Application Short Answer [4]

this is awsome! i didnt find any grammatical errors but i think you should restate your last sentence in a different way to make it more powerful. Overall, i liked your personal statement! answers the prompt and is detailed!
kisna22   
Dec 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "I embraced a new lifestyle" - commonapp essay on diversity [4]

"What music do you prefer?" asked the taxi cab driver on the way to my first home in America. Nothing was as astonishing as this basic question. Back then, only Indian-Bollywood- music came to my mind, it was the only type I was familiar with throughout my life in India. Little did I know that I was to be introduced to a variety of other types.

It was certainly exciting to move to a new country, but also very difficult. I couldn't absorb the fact that I left my friends, my family, my country, my home. I was torn between sadness of leaving my whole life behind but I felt anxious and excited to start a new life in an unknown world. My life completely changed. I spoke a new language, attended a new school, and made completely new friends, all from entirely different backgrounds than mine. I accomplished this, but it was hard. It already felt disheartening to know that my own heritage was a burden, but that the foreign cultures around me were equally disturbing. I still remember being recognized as the "Indian girl with an accent." For this reason, I was always looked down upon by other students. It was upsetting to be the one who always raised her hand when the teacher asked "who does not have a partner?". I, however, did not lose my confidence. Somebody had once told me, "the best way out is through" as a twelve year old, I found it difficult to not fall apart facing such a cultural challenge. But these few words of advice enabled me to persevere.

The difficultly of this cultural shift was enhanced by family issues. My life was interrupted, once again. With my father facing employment hardships, my family was forced to move constantly, from state to state. I worried about how I would live in such new environments, adjust in new schools, make new friends, and fit in new communities. It was difficult for me to encounter such obstacles again. Not everybody initially wants to be friends with somebody who "has an accent", and who does not always dress the same way, or even celebrates the same holidays as they do.

However, as time passed, I realized that my life was actually adventurous; while experiencing diversity, I embraced a new lifestyle that gave me the opportunity to experience new things, and to readjust my life with a more positive outlook. Through my travels, I met people from various cultures and backgrounds. One friend taught me Bon Odori, a traditional Japanese dance. Another friend taught me some Italian words. If somebody attempted to teach me such things years ago, I might have just rolled my eyes as I was never fond of incorporating new cultures. Meeting people from different countries allowed me to see the different lifestyles that people had and it offered me a new insight on the world outside of India.

A resentful feeling that I once had for my parents changed to a thankful feeling because I was given the chance to experience new things and a chance to teach my friends back in India what I have grasped in the diverse American cultures. After vaulting over many hurdles, trying to readjust in variant cultures and locales, I have gained a lot of experience by facing many challenges that have allowed me to grow as an individual. Much learning awaits me, and I can now embrace the future, knowing that I've got plenty more to know, and plenty more to live.
kisna22   
Dec 26, 2010
Undergraduate / I'm playing golf..typical? your extra curricular [11]

hmm.. to be honest your opening statement has no spark to it.

The fact that golf helped me to make friends and become an active pe change that

you really need to work on your syntax on this.
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