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Posts by ac2011
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
Last Post: Jan 2, 2011
Threads: 3
Posts: 10  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 13
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ac2011   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / My "Band of Brothers" - University of Michigan [5]

This is the first supplement essay for University of Michigan. Edits and suggestions are appreciated!
Prompt:
1) Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words.) <---HATE word limits...

The community I belong in is the *high school name* Robotics Team, and they are the most close-knit group of people I have ever known. I could even say the team is like a brotherhood. My place started freshman year as a new member. I was one of three new members that year and was therefore nicknamed "newbie #2" from a random drawing of straws. The older members were like mentors to me. Really nice and really supportive, fun to hang out with, all of us could talk for hours about anything from video-games to the philosophy of life. Everyone in the club loves robotics whether it's playing with Lego's to create a crazy design, or programming wacky antics for the robots to perform. When I came back for a second year during my junior year, I was welcomed back in open arms even after taking sophomore year off to do volunteer work. New and old members were present and even then I felt at home like I was never gone. Being known for my organization skills, I became the club's first secretary in charge of communications and scheduling of club meetings, and I stepped in as temporary leader when the Captains were occupied. This way I really got to connect to people in the club and befriend them. Some of my closest friends now were from befriending them in the club. As a senior, I was nominated to become a Captain of the team as a Senior Programmer. In a sense, I have become one of the mentors for newer members. We are together for the good and bad times. We are a band of brothers.
ac2011   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "Conversing with my AP Biology teacher" - Northwestern Common App [9]

Excellent job editing, the essay turned out great. The only sentence I am unsure about is:
The purple guidebook with its vividly hued pages unfolded to stories about Big Ten basketball games, the philanthropic Dance Marathon and other excerpts of colorful campus life. It sounds like two separate ideas or a fragmented sentence, try using a semicolon, join the sentences, or split them.

~Thanks alot for checking out my essay =) ~
ac2011   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "Inspiration through Curiosity" - Common Application Essay [3]

Well, here is my common app essay, I don't know which category it belongs to. Also, what do you think of the title, Good? or Irrelevant? Any edits or suggestions are greatly appreciated:

Which of the two categories would it belong to?
1) Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
6) Topic of your choice.

My Essay: (759 words)

Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I first became interested in Aerospace Engineering from an airplane model kit and jumping out a window. One day as a ten year old boy, I didn't find any enjoyment going outside to play in the snow like most of the kids in my neighborhood. I instead found myself indoors, sitting in my living room with an airplane model kit box in front of me just waiting to be built.

It was a 1/72 scale B-52 Stratofortress that I had received as an early holiday present from my Uncle. As I opened the box up, I noticed all the intricate little pieces numbering almost one-hundred that came in the kit, along with large and very detailed schematics of the finished model. What surprised me most was not thinking something along the lines of "This is impossible! I'll be an old man by the time I finish this!"; but rather that maybe I could make it fly.

For each piece I took, my curiosity grew, as did my pursuit of answers. As I looked at a piece of the rudder I wondered: "How does this help the plane fly?". I wanted answers to how humans started from walking on bare feet to orbiting around earth in a satellite. Coincidentally, my parents purchased our first computer, and the knowledge available online blew my mind as a technological achievement. With hours of Google research, I discovered thousands of different planes made with different purposes in mind. From the concepts created by the Wright brothers, to the designs of modern day Aerospace Engineers, my fascination with aircraft and spacecraft grew. My initial reaction as I read about each planes history, usage, design, and process of development, was how complicated it was. Now remember, we're talking about a ten year old boy reading about topics like aerodynamics and propulsion.

As I delved deeper into research, an idea sparked in my head; what if I could make myself fly? I still believe I am wired differently after I found myself lying on the ground for the second time in my front yard nearly buried in snow. What is weirder is that I was more upset about another failed test-run rather than my safety. After jumping out of my two-story bedroom window with "airplane wings" cut out of a cardboard box and immediately falling, there was obviously something wrong with my design. Then it hit me, what I was missing was a force to move me farther and keep me levitating. For the 3rd attempt, I taped two handheld fans to the ends of each wing, as well as a small tabletop fan to my back in hopes of propelling me further. In consideration of safety in the case that my parents were unaware of my antics, and that there would be trouble following any injuries beyond the bruises I had already received; I tied a pillow around me. Unfortunately and predictably, the idea didn't work . Despite being more upset about failing my experiment over the fact that I survived with only bruises from the impact of landing on the fan and breaking it, what kept me motivated was the sight of a commercial plane flying over head, heading to the nearest airport.

Thankfully I had reason to stop after my third experiment so things didn't get out of hand. Yet what does that have to do with my future? That day made me realize that wanting to create things that fly was a career I would love doing. Though better cautions and concepts would be needed so that the injuries I sustained that day or worse would not happen for the people using my designs. To this day whether I am drafting a design for my engineering and architecture classes, or programming an autonomous robot for the Robotics Team, I take in consideration all my experiences with failure along with an ambition for improvement, to produce a result fitting for its purpose. This is why I need college so that I can develop not just my engineering skills, but also my leadership skills, and expressing my ambition. I would like to think that in the future I'll use my engineering skills to better the world and tackle the most difficult challenges whether it's simply to get from point a to point b quicker, or discover further regions of space and maybe even provide a method to make it livable out there. Inspiration can come from the strangest circumstances, but they can lead to even better ideas.
ac2011   
Dec 27, 2010
Undergraduate / Is Humor Unnecessary (Aerospace Engineering)? - Boston University [8]

Well, I just noticed that there is a character limit of 750 and my current short answer essay was 749, so I ask of you all, you suggested great ideas to add, but what seems unnecessary enough to delete to make room? Or perhaps there is no need to, and should be kept as is? The help is greatly appreciated.
ac2011   
Dec 27, 2010
Undergraduate / Stanford engaging idea: patient capitalism [3]

This is definitely engaging , I do not see any problems with this idea, your points are expressed clearly and you bring up your opinion very well. *two thumbs up* and thanks for looking at my essay =)
ac2011   
Dec 27, 2010
Undergraduate / Is Humor Unnecessary (Aerospace Engineering)? - Boston University [8]

@mikeehnow Thanks alot, you make a great point, I'll keep it in mind when writing my essays
@jstorm I guess your right, perhaps I could mention the teaching atmosphere I saw when I went on a tour and sat in a class for awhile?

@jshah Awesome, thanks alot, you made some great suggestions, I wanted to seem a little funny by including broom-ball and the "West Campus" because I'm sure if mentioning them to an alumni makes them smile, it's a must to include on my "to-do list". =)

@ArcyQwerty Your right, thanks for the suggestion, I was worried about that.

Will be back with updated essays shortly.
ac2011   
Dec 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "Computers have always interested me" - MIT Prompt: We know you lead a busy life... [3]

For a rough start, you get your point across generally well. Here are some suggestions to consider.

There were a few excess coma's and awkward wording but good nonetheless. I know 100 words leaves you very little room for changes but consider what else about the computer sparks your interest.
ac2011   
Dec 27, 2010
Undergraduate / Is Humor Unnecessary (Aerospace Engineering)? - Boston University [8]

Here are my supplements for BU with why I am unsure of the essay in Italics, I would greatly appreciate any edits and suggestions.

Short Essay: In five or six sentences, tell us how you first became interested in BU and what steps you have taken to learn more about us.not sure if it seems general..

BU first fascinated me as I was researching colleges online. My criteria for the colleges I was considering included a campus in a city I was familiar with, a large volume of students with a good student to faculty ratio, and strong academic programs. Among the list of colleges I pulled up, BU was one of them. When I attended the visit BU had at my high-school's name back in October, the representative I met name, was very informative on answering the questions my fellow classmates and I had such as what the atmosphere of the classes were. Other steps included looking at the videos on the "you-at-bu" section of the university's website, as well as BU student perspectives on various student forums online like college confidential.

Essay #1: Given what you know about Boston University, what do you hope to accomplish as an undergraduate here? Please respond in an essay of no more than 500 words.

not serious enough?

As an undergraduate at Boston University, the possibilities I hope to accomplish are vast. Aside from academics, there were several aspects of Boston University that appealed to me when I questioned myself on the things I would do if I was accepted. Among these were Broom-ball, the "West Campus", and Boston University's numerous clubs and activities. The idea of getting a team together for Broom-ball is exciting. To play an intramural sport during college is something I am aiming to do in the near future. The setup of Broom-ball is perfectly simple enough for me to assemble a team together and workout a schedule to practice. I can just imagine an early Saturday morning of sweat-intensive practice accompanied by laughter-induced-pain from falling over. Another aspect I hope to accomplish is trying the "West Campus". When I ask or hear about the food on campus, one of the first things I hear about is the "West Campus". There's just something about a grilled cheese with BBQ sauce and a burger patty that intrigues my taste buds. Then there are the clubs and activities. The Video Game Society, Unmanned Aerial Vehicle Team, Rocket Team, and Quidditch Team are just a few clubs that interest me in joining because they seem to spice up college life on campus. In a more academic perspective, both Air Force ROTC (AFROTC) and a bachelor's degree in Aerospace Engineering are other aspects of Boston University that I want to accomplish. I hope to improve my leadership skills, my teamwork skills, and my physical and mental state in AFROTC from the leadership labs and training exercises involved in the course. The fact that Boston University has ROTC programs allows me to express my desire to serve my country as an officer. The initial and primary reason for me to attend Boston University is to earn a bachelor's degree in Aerospace Engineering after four years of study and work. A comprehension of the courses and connecting with my fellow classmates and faculty within the college of engineering department and throughout the rest of the campus is important to help me better understand my career goal. With the degree, I hope to work with Aerospace companies such as Boeing, Lockheed Martin, NASA, Northrop Grumman, etc. Boston University has so many opportunities available for students, sometimes I wonder if there is enough time to do everything within the short amount of time we have until we complete a degree.
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