Undergraduate / "Brown is a place to look to." - Brown University Supplement [4]

Thank you very much for your feedback. i feel much better now that I had so many people like you edited my draft. Deeply appreciated and I will totally incorporate all of your modifications.

Undergraduate / Opportunities and the City - What I want to accomplish at Boston University [2]

I think the last sentence is almost repetitious, so you might as well want to get rid of it. That tightens up the ending better. Also, in saying "Something about learning about the great depression and the emergence of the United States as a world power had always intrigued me," it might be beneficial to point out some of the interesting aspects you think about independence and emergence of standard oil or technological giant like Microsoft that shaped the U.S.

Undergraduate / The 'homo sapien' is a very interesting, yet complex - Cornell Supplement [CAS] [4]

posses--> possess since posses means a group of gang.

Undergraduate / JHU- Supplement essay:" Life Through Calculated Bonds" [5]

Actually, I think the essay is fine as it is now. It's well thought and it makes whole lot of sense except that it sounds a little too mechanical (as in simplifying human life too much). But I think it illustrates whole lot about the relationship between effort and outcome that comes after it.

Overall, it's solid.

Undergraduate / "The Moral Obligations of a Democratic Society" - Harvard/Princeton-The Nobel Prize [2]

Very well thought and deep analysis of modern China. Above all, the essay conveys your seriousness in an important matter such as democratization of China. "Differently abled," such a good phrase.

Undergraduate / "helping alienated people" - CommonApp - HARVARD , PRINCETON [4]

Somehow the essay needs more flow and might want to use your own voice. "due to the unexpectedly critical family situation"-->because our family couldn't afford.

By removing "needless to say," your sentence becomes stronger.

It seems that the first two paragraphs are not necessary because it appears you're preaching and doesn't really show you as an individual, and why don't you dive right into your KOICA experience?

Perhaps you've seen striking pictures that may be depicted as outdated patrons of individual's public relations during Christmas seasons: prominent politicians fund-raising on the streets, popular celebrities distributing free meals to homeless vagrants, and entrepreneurs of conglomerate firms playing with children at orphanages. Whenever I saw such fingers-shriveling pictures, I thought those socially renowned people should be ashamed of taking photographs intended to command esteem from the public. Is it necessary to make the best use of 'voluntary' contribution - a good conduct which must be motivated by one's pure rectitude - to make an ostentatious and pretentious display of one's moral sense publicly? A good deed shines more when it is concealed.

However, my belief gradually has been transformed through the vivid experiences from which I have explored the 'real' world. Of course, the most idealistic donation is, needless to say, voluntary, anonymous, and continuous action. Yet only a small number of people's good works cannot amend this world where a child under age of 10 perishes by famine every five seconds. In other words, volunteering should be the endowed responsibility of all the humans, not an occasional or optional work. If above-mentioned pictures can help inform the majority of the people the important obligation of contribution, the more those pictures are prevalent the better it is.

Undergraduate / ("Princeton in the Nation's Service") How to Improve Princeton Supplement Essay? [30]

It's so courageous of you to share your experience as an individual by openly posting your essay here. I'm dazzled with your flowing expressions that show yourself. Future Hemingway.

Undergraduate / Yale (Why, Criminal Minds, Tetris, Stonehenge, Daily Routine) [5]

The first one is a fragment. Sounds like Harry potter. I'm not sure if the first sentence tightens up the whole. Maybe consider removing it. --> an assignment accidentally left unfinished the night before does not magically write itself,

Hope that helps.

The following is my allocation of time for tomorrow after noon. Please read:
I will drink a cold up of orange juice and think about my future like place to stay for March break. I will finish my applications and learn about how the fed operates.

Undergraduate / MIT: "improvisation" (challenge essay) [4]

tricked--> trickled, lied--> lay little verb tense stuff

I like how you tell the story; in other words, your essay begins from the middle of an action and everything sort of seems to weave together at the end. Maybe you could explain a situation more. More specifically, when did this happen (what grade?etc).

Undergraduate / "My love for physics began early" - Yale Supplement [7]

I have discussions with my friends over it watch videos on YouTube about it. --> had discussions. and watched videos.

I think it will be great if you could express you passion rather than pointing out facts about physics. Like in what ways did you engage in physics other than classes. ( you said you watched youtube with you friend about it) Anything more concrete to add?

How about expressing your enthusiasm about your future contribution to physics world like, I want to belong to aerospace club in yale that collaborate with NASA.

Good luck and hope you could look over my essays too.

Undergraduate / Yale paraphernalia (free afternoon, a compliment, history, being more spontaneus) [6]

I think yours is wonderful. maybe consider writing about what that difference might be.

"Beauty exists in the unstructured nature of life-not in the notes on my calendar" sounds good!

"What on earth are you doing?" might be surprising to the admission, but doesn't sound too constructive as to why that particular question is that important.

Other than those, your responses are glittering.

I also need a help in my essay and hope you could help me with it.

I have one supplement essay on the following topic: "Unusual circumstances in your life" to let the admission know more about me. Since your expressions are beautiful, I beg you to maybe point out where I can put more effective phrase or get rid of unnecessarily complicated ideas. Thanks beforehand.