Undergraduate /
"Research life + diabetic father" - Carnegie Mellon Supplement [3]
wow, i dont have a ton to say, i think its a great, well-rounded essay that shows off your writing but really lets the reader understand your apparent passion for medicine. If anything, other than a few sentence tweaks, i might throw a tiny bit more about Carnegie Mellon, like maybe a specific research program or opportunity.
.. these are just a few minor suggestions
...
With this mindset, I researched on diabetes extensively by reading and became introduced to the world of diseases.
Diabetes spurred my fascination with diseases, biological sciences and biomedical engineering.
Thus, I grasped the chance to work in the endocrine lab of the VA hospital. I spent a month helping research the role of CaR (a Ca2+ sense receptor) in cartilage using mice tails. On the very first day, instead of written instructions, I went straight to work preparing DNA. Without any prior experience in genotyping, I learned as I worked. My mistakes were my teachers, yet every researcher at the lab had knowledge to offer. I felt overwhelmed and excited at the same time to hear about DNA polymerase, researchers discussing skewed DNA results, and paraffin embedding. The work I did there, such as running PCRs and genotyping, brought me to love researching and lab life. My experience in researching opened my eyes to the countless opportunities
one has make a change and I believe that Carnegie Mellon can provide me with the proper education and resources
to do so .
With so many opportunities at the Mellon College of Science and Carnegie Institute of Technology, I am sure I can find many other students that share the same passion for researching medicine. The resources that the university provides, like the bone tissue engineering center, make it easier to reach out to other students who share the same passions. Through these resources, students can work together and really put their minds to answering questions they've wondered about. Can we find ways to instantly heal ourselves? Can we one day cure the common cold? Ultimately, it is the curiosity behind them that motivates students to pursue research. As I will make my own discoveries, I will start making connections with real world issues and before long, I will find myself using my discoveries to chase after solutions to such dilemmas. I know I can base my learning toward a more worldly purpose such as bettering health care around the world, improving hospital life, or developing medicines. Change always follow opportunity, hence, I am confident that I can
fulfill my aspirations with the opportunities at Carnegie Mellon.
overall, a very strong essay, love it.
