Undergraduate / WPI Short Answers-Need revise & critic [3]

These three essays are short answers to the online application of WPI. Please help me edit my essay and tell me whether they answer the question appropriately. Thanks in advance!

The first one:
Briefly explain how you became interested in your proposed field of study.
In China, most high school students choose their majors according to their parents' suggestions. However, I have set up my goal to study economics since my secondary school. To a great extent, it is my family that sharpens my determination.

As an accountant, my mom often worked on various tables at home. Since then, those account bills and statements had become the research objects in my childhood. Although I knew little about the patterns and signs, pages of numerous figures and precise lines taught me a sense of beauty. Due to my curiosity, I began to pay attention to my parents' talk. Though such words as market and finance were still strange to me, the unknown field had aroused my intense interest. Therefore, I made up my mind to become a person as successful as my mom. Perhaps in view of the traditional concept that the son should hand down his father's enterprise, or my born talent in this field, my mom encouraged me with more expectation. Meanwhile, I am struggling steadily for my dream now.

Knowing that mathematics is the base of economics, I chose to participate in mathematics groups from elementary school to high school, which enabled my mathematical results to come out top in the class. In order to discuss the current economic situation and financial policies with my parents and understand the economic terms, I engaged myself in related books in the library. The further I studied on economics, the more suitable I found it for me. That is exactly why I want to learn more advanced economic knowledge in WPI. With the help of professional knowledge and practical experience gained there, I will realize my dream and make contributions to the development of Chinese economy.

The Third one:
Briefly describe any project or independent study activities in which you have been involved.

Seeing the data gained right now and the samples of sewage, we tidied up the laboratory and then locked the door. It had been the sixth day that we spent successively in making experiments, keeping records, correcting mistakes and resuming...unstoppably, we oxygenated those samples with potassium permanganate, but created extra sludge. What is worse, activated carbon adsorption lagged in response towards heavy metal. Results refuted, we began to seek hard for a more convenient and efficient method to process various samples. Not until had we found out the exciting data with the ion-exchange fiber from our teacher did we relaxed ourselves. Exhausted as we were, we could not help congratulating each other.

That happened when I participated in the experimental activity of urban drinking supplies. Hei River is the mother river of Xi'an. However, the water was not clear any more because of the upriver industrial sewage and landslide. The government had tried to abate the pollutions but in vain, so those students from the college that my father worked in planned to carry out the experimental activity, in the hope that they would draw the public attention to drinking water. Anxious at first, I was unconfident in myself to engage in such a professional practice. Nevertheless, loving challenges, I became the only high school student in the group rather than gave up.

I took charge of literature search and field survey. In order to complete my tasks outstandingly, I had consulted a lot of materials and websites, figured out the main paths of pollutions, and recorded the diverse information as well as the wastewater treatment methods revealed in different materials. In addition, I with other companions conducted field survey and took samples along Hei River on weekends. Getting prepared, we spent the following six days in the laboratory where I did my best to help them with the experiments. Short as the time was, I have learned much from those experiences that I had never taken part in before. Thanks to that activity, I understand the importance of team work, how to care and help, and more importantly, the significance of detail and concentration.

Undergraduate / Short Answer-extracurricula activities [NEW]

Please write between 250 and 500 words to describe a special interest, significant experience or achievement, or anything else that has special meaning to you or had a significant influence on you.

Knowing about the news that a large number of injured people would be transferred to Xian, I filled in the application without hesitation and finally became a volunteer as I wished. I did my best to help these stricken people in order to make them feel at home. Although I cannot cure their body injury, I can chat with them and reduce the nervous psyche; I can decorate the ward to make children enjoy their staying and have fun. My duty was to take care of a girl whose pelvis was seriously injured. Had not been this disaster, she could sit in the classroom and enjoy learning knowledge. She was quite calm, lying in bed, smiling and saying,"You are so good to me."Although this sentence was so familiar that I could hear it almost every day through interviews about the disaster at that time, I was delighted that I can comfort her and make her happy. Due to the fact that they had survived from a disaster, we volunteers dare not ask about their experience in the earthquake. However, she told me every flash moment she could remember voluntarily, such as how to escape from the falling building, how she was taken care of by kind people, and also announced that she would become a volunteer soon after her recovery.

Visiting the Municipal Welfare House of Xian city has already become one part of my life in holidays. Sceneries about those poor children always flash in my mind: eyes eager for more care and love, thin arms that desperate for hugs and the strange smell of disinfectant... These poor lives make me feel the responsibility to devote my own love. Therefore, I not only bring gifts, but also love and laugh. The smile on those lovely faces is always the best gift for my dedication and I also gain a special happiness.

Although I was sometimes exhausted after a day of work as a volunteer, I was delighted when thinking of the happy faces of those accepted my helping hand. Moreover, I understand that devotion is also a kind of obtain.

Thanks in advance!

Writing Feedback / Successful organization / Something what seems to be is not always the same as it actually is? [2]

Thank you very much!

here are another two:
Assignment: Are organizations or groups most successful when their members pursue individual wishes and goals?
In my mind, the purpose of groups or organizations means that members should work as on entity and share common goals. Thus, individualism should not exist in groups or the organization will collapse because the distinct ideas and goals of individuals.

One needs look no further than the collapse of Enron, once the biggest energy firm in America. The former CEO of Enron adopted a performance evaluation program: every employee should evaluate his companions and is also evaluated by others at the same time. The comprehensive results will determine their bonus as well as their destiny of promotion or disemployment. The foundation of this program may be good because the CEO might want to encourage everybody to work harder in order to keep their jobs and get promotion. However, this strategy made all the companion in this company began worry about themselves and individualism existed. Everybody did their work alone, wished to keep his job, and did not share a common goal with co-workers to make their company function better. Consequently, individualism prevailed Enron and lead to the collapse of this well-known company.

The tale of Swan，shuttle and fish can also illustrate that a group can achieve only if they share common goal. In the tale, a swan, a shuttle and a shrimp want to pull a pony truck forward. Therefore, they fasten ropes on the truck and begin pulling. The swan flies toward the sky, the shuttle dives in to the deep sea while the shrimp pulls the truck backward. They pull for a long time but the truck does not move for an inch. Although this is a fairy tale, it can also tell people that only if people share common goals can they make achievements. The swan, shuttle and shrimp do not share a common goal, they pursue their own goals, and in the end, they achieve nothing.

Group means that members should form an integrity and only if they pursue one goal, a group can be successful.

Assignment: Is the way something seems to be not always the same as it actually is?

People always tend to observe something or situations by their eyes and make conclusions accordingly. They incline to believe their eyes but ignore the fact that truth or the actual situation is not always the same as their observations.

I have an experience that may illustrate my point of view. When I was in elementary school, my counselor was a really serious woman who believes only her eyes and never believes in others' explanations. My home is far from school, so I always late for school in my childhood. One day, I set off early, hoped to get to school on time but I saw an injured cat lying near the street and screaming. I liked animals very much, especially cats. Therefore, I took this little cat with me to my aunt who was a nurse and lived just near that area. Then, I said goodbye to my aunt happily and hurried to school. Unfortunately, I was late and my counselor insisted that I must have overslept as before. I cannot tell her the truth because she did not want to listen. Hence, I was punished for been late for school with an "accusation" of overslept.

Another example can be found from the history of science when the heliocentric theory first been announced by Bruno. At that time, the religious community was in charge of the whole society. People saw the sun rose in the East and set at West, and then came to the conclusion that the sun moved around the earth, which was the center of the universe seemingly. However, through serious reasoning and observation, Bruno thought the truth was the other way around. He was sentenced to death because of his heterodox idea. Nevertheless, everybody knows that sun is the center of the universe and Bruno conclusion is right today. The religious community's geocentric theory was just an impression from merely observation, which substantiated that causal observation is not always the truth.

From the experience of my own to Bruno's heliocentric theory, I think, it is right that people's observations are not always the truth.

Thank you in advance!!!

Writing Feedback / "realistic or optimistic" + "hardship and misfortune" -- essays edit help [NEW]

Assignment: Do people truly benefit from hardship and misfortune?

As an old saying in my hometown goes,"Adversities are best teachers." Therefore, people can benefit from hardships and learn to be strong and optimistic.

A newly showed movie, Kit Kittredge: An American Girl, can serve as an example. Kit, a nine-year-old girl, hopes to become a journalist, lives a happy and enjoyable life whose father owns a car dealership. Unfortunately, the Great Depression comes and her father loses his dealership and decides to seek a job in Chicago. Dreaming to become a journalist someday, Kit takes notes about news around her and writes articles about life of unemployed people. She learns to accept the fact that they are poor now and moves to the attic in order to make more rooms for their boarders to make money. She helps her mother sell eggs, wears dresses that are made of chicken feed-sack, saves food and money and also worries about their mortgage. She also cries because the hard life and complains about her father's absence, but gradually learns not to complain about life and observes everything and everybody around her and writes articles optimistically almost everyday. She is not the little princess in her family any more but a hostess who tries hard to protect her house by finding out the thief who steels the money which will be paid for mortgage. Finally, she gets her money back, protects her house and helps the police end an interlocked crime.

Kit grows up after experiencing all these things and also, benefits a lot from them. She gets many hobo friends because she helps clear up a hobo's accusation of steeling, makes her articles named"A girl's perceptive about the Great Depression" printed on the Cincinnati Register and also becomes more mature than before. Just as Kit's father says, "Don't let it beats you!" Kit gradually learns that the Great Depression brings them hardships that make them struggle for life. While at the same time, their struggle makes them much stronger mentally and helps them to appreciate life.

Although it may be hard living through adversities, hardships can surely shape people's personalities and help them be strong and thankful to simple happiness.

Undergraduate / The Confidence Stone - Personal Statement! [NEW]

The Confidence Stone

It is well known that stones are hard and lasting, but have you heard of "The Confidence Stone"?

The blue sky, the overwhelming snow mountain, the flying eagles, the strong yaks, the cute Tibetan antelopes, the fluttering prayer flags, and the majestic Qomolangma...A series of Tibet scenery pictures in the magazine "Chinese National Geography" stirred my heart when I was fourteen. From then on, the dream of visiting Tibet took root in my mind. On hearing about the opening of the Qinghai-Tibetan railway, I was ecstatic because my dream would come true very soon. I not only gathered lots of related materials and made out a detailed schedule for my trip, but also drew up a plan to do physical exercises. When people were sleeping soundly in early mornings, I had sweatily finished the distance I assigned for myself.

At last, I got on the train to Tibet with the name "Snowy Divine Land" as I wished. The elevation went up little by little as the train moved on. Geermu, altitude of 2829 meters; Kunlun Mountain Pass, altitude of 4772 meters; Tanggula Mountain Pass, altitude of 5072 meters - the Qinghai-Tibetan railway reached its highest elevation. And I was going to stand at the peak point of my life!

The auto struggled forward on the bumpy road to Mount Qomolangma. As soon as the snowy summit far away came into our eyes, we all screamed cheerfully. Suddenly, the auto sank into the mud. In the vast meadow, as there were no trunks or stones big enough to fix the bowstrings, all we could do was to pick up the small stones, place them under the wheels and propel the auto. But the auto went on sinking despite the exhausting work of more than an hour. Due to the lack of oxygen at that high altitude, almost all of us caught a headache and vomited. It was quite difficult for anyone of us to make a single movement which was extremely easy in ordinary life. When darkness began to enshroud the desolate and uninhabited area, someone complained about taking a short cut. Knowing for sure that moaning and waiting made no sense at all, I proposed to look for help from over the hill together with several people, leaving the rest to recover on site. In the thin air, we took great trouble walking on the steep path. When I caught sight of two kids herding yaks, I ran for them with my maximum strength, tired out. Due to the language barrier, I had to make myself understood by gestures once and once again. Fortunately, one of them seemed to comprehend my intention. He nodded and then ran away. When we returned together with three Tibetan adults, taking ropes, sticks and spade. And two Tibetan children, the crowd burst a shout of excitement. It was not long before we realized that our attempts were all in vain; the auto did not break away from the mire. Accompanied by the merciless rain, the howling mountain wind left us in deep despair. Possessing a firm belief of success and enduring the pains of headache, I kept on conveying stones in order to increase the friction power. Suddenly, a stone caught my attention, which was the only stone thirty meters away from the auto. Although the outcropping part was not very big, its huge body gradually exposed with persistent digging. Embedded deeply in the soil, it was particularly fit for a steel drill. At last, thanks to the winch and cooperative efforts, the auto moved out of the trap, which was followed by a continuous applaud. They all praised me for finding the "Helping Stone", but I would prefer to call it the "Confidence Stone".

Giving thanks to the Tibetan brothers who provided powerful support, we started out for the second time. Noses running and bodies shivering with cold, the shock-headed Tibetan kids were waving to us goodbye in the cold wind and falling snow. Noticing this, I could not help running off the auto and gave them all the chocolates I brought with me. In my feather down coat did I dress the little Tibetan girl, whose shining smile warmed me from head to feet.

The next day, when I was standing at the base camp which was 5200 meters above sea level, the Qomolangma appeared so close to me as if I could touch it easily with my own hands. What a spectacle! The fantastic scene left me a distinct and eternal impression.

I have gone through the long-distance trudge full of pleasure and sufferings. I have experienced the extensive, beautiful, dangerous and impoverished Qinghai-Tibet Plateau. I have covered the broad land from Lhasa to Qomolangma on wheels. I have bared all the inspirations and affections of Tibet on my mind. It was in the sacred place that I challenged my limitation of life, passed the test on will and quality, overcame the difficulties with optimism, and triumphed over the pain of plateau sickness by my stubbornness. At the same time, the stone which helped us out of the snare made it clear to me that the difficulties in our daily life were bound to become "tough stumbling blocks" if we chose to avoid or abandon. Once we have the firm purpose, any "tough stumbling blocks" will turn into "slab stones" the confidence stones in heart.

Writing Feedback / the effort involved in pursuing any goal -advise, corrections are welcomed! [NEW]

Assignment: Is the effort involved in pursuing any goal valuable, even if the goal is not reached?

Although people want their efforts to be paid off, it is impossible that people can achieve every goal. In my mind, those efforts in vain are as worthwhile as those efforts that lead to success.

When I was seven years old and was in the second grade of elementary school. I was chosen to compete in a 1500 meters race in our school sports meeting. Although I had never tried to run such a long distance, I accepted the task because I really want to do something for my own class. On the following day, I made a plan and began my practice. A week later, when I swearily completed the full distance, I cried with joy. Soon after that, the meeting began and I stood on the racing field with my legs shivering. In the beginning, I can run easily and got the second place in my group. But when there was only 500 meters left, I have already exhausted and wished to have a rest. My whole class went near the racing field, shouted passionately, tried to cheer me up. Finally, I got to the end with my numb legs and I nearly fell onto the ground. I was the last in my group and got 7th in the total ten competitors. I cried, thinking that I could have done better. My mates came and hugged me, said,"even if you did not got the champion, you will always be the hero in our class."

My teacher came and had a few words with my, which I would always remember. She said,"Helen, everybody saw your excellent performance on the field. Getting the 7th is quiet an achievement for those who attempt this race for the first time. The award is not the only goal that I want you to achieve. See, you are much stronger than before and you are also much more outgoing. Even though you are not the champion in this competition, you are the champion of yourself. Your efforts is worthwhile and even more valuable than those who got the champions.

"Yeah,"I murmured. "I have changed a lot with this experience. I also possess perseverance. This is a success already. Although I did not achieve my dream getting the champion, my efforts have brought me a lot and it worth the efforts."

Writing Feedback / Responsibility- through example or behavior of others? [3]

Assignment: Is a person responsible, through the example he or she sets, for the behavior of other people?

When I was a kid, I always tend to simulate my parents. Hoping eagerly to grow up quickly, I listened to adults' conversations, learnt to walk and talk like grown-ups and practiced these skills whenever my parents were absent. Recent years, as a result, many of my parents' friends acclaim that I am just like my parents, not only appearance but also manners. Therefore, from my perspective, a person may be responsible for the behaviour of others.

In Sissi, a trilogy about a notable Austrian Queen, the heroine's behavior and character can also illustrate this. Her father is the duck of Bavaria and is an outgoing man who loves hunting very much. His behavior, eating with hands instead of knives and forks, playing with his children and laughing and shouting, drinking beer with his friends and singing loudly, can never be judged as suitable behaviors possessed by a duck. Therefore, at the beginning of the movie, his children eat food using their hands and laugh and shout near the table just like their father. Sissi, the duck's second daughter, is much like her father : outgoing, fond of nature and freedom and especially loves riding horses. Parents are the people whom we spend the most of our time with and many of us may regard parents as our model when we are young. We imitate them either consciously or unconsciously. Hence, parents are responsible for the behaviour of their children.

Anne Sullivan, Helen Keller's governess, can also be set as an example. Little Helen was wild , unruly and frustrated because of her disability and difference. She always play tricks on her families and never feel remorse about that. Nevertheless, Anne, who also suffered from serious eye problem, came to help Helen as a patient teacher and friend. Her character surely influenced Helen, who became quiet and behaved well weeks later. Anne Sullivan's knowledge as well as her great character help Helen build her personality and went forward to her dream.

From the notable queen Sissi to the great disabled educator Anne Sullivan, these examples illustrate that there are some people in our lives who are responsible for the behavior of ours.

Writing Feedback / What must we do to truly understand ourselves? Difficult for people to judge themselves evenhandedly [6]

What must we do to truly understand ourselves?

As an old saying goes,'It is always being difficult for people to judge themselves evenhandedly.' And I agree that many people do not have general idea what he or she is like in others' eyes. Therefore, from my perspective, to communicate with other people, discuss some common topics, or even argue about something can not only help people have truly understandings of others but also themselves.

Two characters, Elizabeth and Mr Darcy in the Pride and Prejudice, a far-reaching novel, can serve as an example. Their first interaction was on a ball where Mr Darcy refuses to dance with Elizabeth, who regarded him as a person with rude and pride personality ever since. After that, another officer, Wickham's accusations enhanced Elizabeth's prejudice about Darcy. Both of them, Elizabeth and Darcy, have the idea that the other is proud while have no idea about their own personalities. Nevertheless, as time goes by, Darcy falls in love with Elizabeth and expresses his feelings to her. He is astounded by her prejudice about him. He sends Elizabeth a letter telling everything happened between him and Wickham. Thought their communication, they learnt each other's personality, realized the damage they have made in both of their hearts and finally became couples. Darcy's pride of status is founded on social prejudice while Elizabeth's initial prejudice against him is rooted in pride of her own perception. But their true communications afterwards made both of them correct their ideas about each other's characteristic as well as their own personalities.

Another example is in the movie of Titanic. Rose was a girl with notable social status and she would be married with a business man, Carl. Though she did not love him, and was tired about the sybaritic life of upper classes, she lived against her own heart. When saved by Jack, and had conversations with him about their distinct life, Rose realized hat she did not want to be a upper class anymore. She finally acknowledged her love with Jack and decided to live with him forever. Jack's discretions prevented Rose from jumping into the ocean and also encourages Rose to be brave and act in accordance with her heart. Communication is the very way that made Rose to change and understands herself as a woman.

I agree that the meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances and insist that communicate helps people to recognize themselves.

Writing Feedback / Creativity is one of the highly concerned points to those aspired people [3]

Please help me edit my essay and give some comments!
I wander whether my example are appropriate for this topic...

Assignment: Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today?

It is true that creativity is one of the highly concerned points to those aspired people. Nevertheless, people can achieve nothing with only creativity. They cannot make objects into immediate practical application by create them in their mind. It is the practical work and execute their design that would make sense.

Edison, the notable American inventor, served as an excellent example. It is widely known that Edison had finished over thousands of inventions throughout his life. Among them is one of the famous story about light bulb.It is said that when Edison planned to invent a light bulb, he did not know which material is the most apposite one. Therefore, he had to do experiments and to test each chosen materials. He failed nearly a thousand times before success. The number of his experiment may have astounded people and not anybody can evaluate the amount of work which Edison had to do. He may be creative enough, which can be demonstrated by numerous far-reaching inventions, while we can see that diligent is the crucial element to his success and maybe, more important than creativity.

Robert Owen, the socialism idealist, can also demonstrates my view. He was, maybe, one of the earliest generation of socialist. But all he did was imagine the circumstances in his mind without any practical work or demonstrations. Hence, when he earned some money and wished to achieve his paradise, he failed because he ignored current surroundings and lacked theories as well as practical applications. He may be creative, for creating a socialistic society and lying the foundation for decadents, but he made his invention apart from the reality.

As the British novelist Eliot once said that It never will rain rose. When we want to have more roses we must plant trees. In my view, this saying is in accordance with my statement: though creativity is important in people's daily life, hard working and diligence is much more crucial.