Writing Feedback / Argumentative Essay - Should students be paid for good grades? [5]

Hello ^^
I have an argumentative essay titled 'Should students be paid for getting good grades". Please give some advice in any areas or point out my errors. I am open to all comments since this is my first time doing an argumentative essay. This essay is due soon so I really need help.

English Argumentative Essay - Should kids be paid for good grades?
In childhood, children get a candy for a job well done. In school, students get a treat for a job well done. In society, adults get paid with money for a job well done. However, it seems that students are getting paid for getting good grades lately. Cash incentives are used to motivate students to study harder and achieve better grades. The question now is should students get rewarded with cash for good grades?

Yes, I agree that students can get motivated to study if they are paid for good grades. Providing a monetary reward enables the students to focus and study in class. However, I strongly feel that they should not be paid for their good grades.

One school in Chicago implemented this policy to reward students based on their grades. However, after one year, the school was forced to discontinue this policy due to the lack of funds. Though this policy is effective, it is short- lived; the cost of this policy is not possible for schools to uphold. Some may argue that reducing the amount of cash rewards the students receive would solve the problem. This would also result in the decrease in effectiveness of this policy. As students do not find the cash reward appealing, they would not be motivated to study, which diminishes the purpose of the policy. Thus, this policy would not be sustained for long.

Based on a study made by Massachusetts Institute of Technology, money is not a very effective motivator. If a task is simple, straight forward and involves only mechanical skills; then a higher pay would result in a better performance. However, if the task is complicated that requires conceptual, creative thinking and involves rudimentary cognitive skills; it would not be successful at all. Instead, it would be the complete opposite! Many studies have also proved that recognizing student's accomplishments is the ultimately the best motivator. According to Sylvia Rimm, a child psychologist, consistency plays a much more major role in achievement than money does. For example, top students would also try to maintain their results with consistent effort. Whereas, others who failed give up easily as they find that there is no hope in them getting rewards and compliments. Therefore, money is not a good motivator.

Studying is students' responsibility. Students should study because they want to, not forced to. It is also wrong to lure students into studying by using cash as it gives them an idea that everything revolves around money which is a bitter truth that they are too young to learn. This monetary policy encourages the wrong things. Students may get so caught up in focusing on making more money that they assumed getting good grades is purely for the money and not for learning. Hence, this policy would lose the real purpose of learning in life and also diminishes the purpose of school. Students would lose their interest in learning once the rewards are gone. Moreover, students would not take learning seriously and see not point in learning. Studying benefits one and the good grades one attains would come in handy to land a job and decide one's future. Being paid to study teaches the wrong values to students. They would not be determined to strive harder to get the grades for themselves and not for the money. They would have no sense of satisfaction because all they want is more money. They would lose sight of what really matters.

A science research done by the Royal Society of Art shows that there are three factors that would lead to better personal performance and personal satisfaction. The first factor is autonomy, the desire to be self-directed, to use our judgment and creativity to direct our lives. Second factor is mastery, the urge to excel. People practice and spend time doing things because it is fun and satisfying. Last factor is purpose - a transcendent purpose that goes beyond profit. Students should be motivated by these three factors to achieve better grades.

In conclusion, students should not be paid for getting good grades. In the process, they are being taught the wrong character attributes and confused themselves with what matters and does not matters. Moreover, the policy cannot be sustained due to the lack of funds and studies have also proven that money is a bad motivator.

Thanks for taking you time to read and/or comment!
Bye!

Writing Feedback / 'This crystal is in remembrance of me' - story narration essay [4]

Hello, can anyone help me with this assignment?
Imagine yourself as the narrator of the story. Write paragraphs to continue the story by using both of the plot developing techniques: Twist-in-the-tale and flashback.

Just then, I walked into an unfamiliar room and saw an old dresser with deep drawers, in the corner. I pulled out the first drawer, nearly choking when my tugging released a cloud of anicent dust into the air. I got it out. It was filled with piles of knick-knacks. It certainly does not take a lifetime to accumulate so many unwanted things, I thought.

All the items are covered with a thick jacket of dust, it seemed like no one had touch them for a long while. I spotted a crystal shaped like a star. I gently brushed a facet of the pale yellow crystal, removing the thick layer of dust, emitting a luminous bright light, which glared my eyes. The crystal rested on my palms and my fingers wrapped around it perfectly. I felt a connection with this particular crystal, strange yet comfortable. Somehow, this crystal feels so familiar, so comfortable, like I have held it before. But how is that possible, when I have never been to this place before and this crystal have not been touched by a long time?

Then, it hit me. This crystal was given by her when I was young. The Angel, was what I named her. In my memories, I could only see the blurred image of her. I could not make out the details of her. However, I remember something about her vividly. The last memory I had of her. She said to me, "In my eyes, you're the brightest star, you will achieve great things in life. Follow your path of destiny and never give up. Just know that I will be with you through thick and thin, my love. As long as the skies are blue, the fields are green, I will see you once again. This crystal is in remembrance of me. Don't forget about the good times we had and the memories we created. Just remember that wherever I may be, no matter how far I am, you will be in my heart. Forever. Goodbye, my little one." I watched her walked away, watched her walked out of my life.

Essays / Writing about dolphins and whales using literary devices [8]

Hi,
I need help in writing an irony or any other literary devices with the theme, dolphins and whales, for a brochure to educate people about saving them. I know what the devices are but it is hard to create them. I have no idea how to write this, so I need help. It would be good if anyone can give me an idea or example.

I appreciate all comments and/or ideas. Thanks:)

Essays / Questions on thesis statement: what it is and how to identify it? [5]

What is a thesis statement? How do I identify a thesis statement? How do I know what is a good thesis statement? How do I write a good thesis statement?