Writing Feedback / 'to manage financial difficulties' - Students to take a part-time job while studying? [3]

Hello everyone. This is my essay and I'm very pleased if you check for any mistakes in my essay. I fully appreciate any help of yours.

Topic: Students should take a part-time job while studying at university. To what extent do you agree?

Most of students now are likely to apply for a part-time job while study at university. As an undergraduate, they always want to reduce the cost of living and gain more real-life experience in order to improve their abilities to resolve problem in the future. From my point of view, holding a part-time job is probably the best efficient problem-solving.

First of all, getting a part-time job can help students manage financial difficulties. As the matter of fact, the cost of life is always on the increase and students are still financially dependent on their parents. Consequently, they usually lack of money to spend for their living as well as their studying. In my opinion, if students take a part-time job, they can earn much extra money so they can greatly reduce the burdens on their parents. It is obvious that being in a part-time job helps students to continue their university life.

Second, applying for part-time jobs assist students in achieving experience which is not included in university. It is clear that students now are lacking of practical experience. Most of knowledge that they learn from university is theoretical and it probably becomes old or no longer to be used. In contrast, the life always changes and requires people many necessary abilities to overcome difficulties. I think that doing part-time jobs offer them real challenge to face and it may help students learn empirical knowledge that is missing at university courses so they have enough skills to succeed in the future.

Some people argue that students' study may be adversely affected by doing part-time job during university life. If students spend their time so much on applying for a part-time job, they maybe go into trouble that they do not have enough time to study. As a consequence, the result of their study may be worse or they probably do not have enough knowledge to earn a good qualification. I think this can be resolved easily by the way students balance studying and doing part-time job. In fact, the competitive job market requires students not just to possess academic qualifications, but also to own social skills. They cannot learn enough social skills from their university life but from real world. In fact, real life offers them many opportunities to improve their communication skills. For example, my brother also does a part-time job while he is studying at university. He can manage his work well and finish it in time. He also has many relationships and most of them think that he is very active. As a result, his position has improved. In my opinion, he can understand himself better and treat people with respect because of the wide relationship he have.

In conclusion, having a part-time job while studying at university may be the best efficient way to manage financial difficulties and learn much knowledge from real-life experience. However, earning a good qualification is still the most important goal. To deal with this, students need to know how to manage their time in order to make both two sides better.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay - Cars enslave us rather than liberate us? [4]

Hello everyone! Please check this essay for my. I fully appreciate any help of yours.

Topic: Cars enslave us rather than liberate us? Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Cars have been in use since the year 1870. Since then the number of cars on the roads has increased many times over. Cars now seem to have made our live easier and more convenient. Nevertheless, in my opinion, more cars give us much more problems than their benefits.

First of all, people must work much harder in order to afford a car. This also means that they have to earn a considerable amount of money. The prices of new cars are so high that they usually need to take a credit to buy one. Moreover, cars are not only expensive to buy, but also cost very much to run. In fact, the gas price gets higher and the cost of maintain is overpriced. Therefore, one has to work overtime if he or she wants to have a car and keep their car still useful. In other hand, if someone brakes his car, he has to pay more money for prepare than its worth.

Second, the quality of our life is made worse because of cars. There are many traffic jams every day and the number of accidents is on the increase. Consequently, people almost are getting more stress when they drive on street and feel risky every time. In addition, the toxic gases that cars eliminate pollute the air we breathe and this seems to threaten our lives every day. To make the matter worse, the main reason that develops the number of lung cancer is the air pollution. There are many people who die from lung cancer every year. As an example, I have seen a relative who always drove in the street and breathed a great deal of dirty air. He in turn became cancerous and his families get into troubles since that. Unfortunately, not long after that he died.

Some people argue that cars give us many benefits. Cars enable us to go to places and they are very helpful in transportation. What is more, you can go to any place you want, no matter what time of day is and if there is any public transport to there or not. In contract, people who own cars are worried about their cars being stolen or damaged. In order to cope with this problem, they have to install expensive alarm systems. Furthermore, car-owners have to avoid areas of the city where cars get broken into or stolen. In other words, they always have to find the safest places for their cars and this prevents them going to their favorite places. Cars really cost them very much time to pay their attention just in order to keep the car always new and safe. In my opinion, people are dependent on car so much. In fact, the costs of time, attention and money that they have to pay are more overpriced than the worth of any cars.

In conclusion, cars have many advantages but enslave us even more. Cars take us much affordability, threaten our life and worry us about making the car safe. From my point of view, I think we should do something to manage these problems so we can gradually liberate us from the cars and definitely enjoy the benefits which cars have brought to us.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL writing - Are parents best teachers? Yes, they are. [7]

Hi, everyone. Please check my essay and give your advice in my essay. Thank you so much in advance. :)

It is obvious that parents are the first teachers who teach babies how to walk and speak and make children to become a good person. Moreover, parents provide their children the best social skills and knowledge in order to prepare for their children's future life.

First, children are taught basic things, which influence their whole life, by their parents. As a baby, they do not know any thing all around but they learn everything from their parents. Parents always try to explain and describe tenderly all things in simple way so that their baby can understand and learn from that. Consequently, parents bring the whole world of wonderful and colorful thing into their baby's little mind.

Second, parents train their child how to become a good person. They always make their children basically say thanks and apology in the right way. On the one hand, it is common that they try to explain who is a good or bad person. On the other hand, children are shown how to behave well with others. This seems to be easy but this can influence positively their future children and makes children's behavior better before they face the real world.

Third, it is clear that parents are ones who loves their children most and always take care of their children. Thus, they tend to provide the best knowledge and advice from their experience for children. Unlike a professional, parents always support children and give them much social skill so they can communicate well with others and have good habit in life. In fact, parents' support is one factor which makes people succeed in their life.

In conclusion, parents are really the best teachers who give us much knowledge and advice. Based on love, they always try their best to make good condition for their children development in order to prepare children's future life.

Writing Feedback / Topic: "Why go to university?" - making dreams come true? [2]

Hello, every one! This is the first time I've taken part in this forum. I wanna write an essay with topic: "Why go to university?". I know that there are numerous essays on this forum which has also a topic like that. But I write it on my own, so I'm very grateful if you help me. Thank you so much in advance! :)

Why go to university?

Great deals of student go to universities per year in order to have a healthy and active environment, obtain knowledge and acquire a degree. Thus, it is essential to apply to university when students want to have a better future.

First, universities provide a healthy and active environment for students' development. On campus life, there are many people such as friends and professors that students can meet every day so they can communicate with each other. Therefore their social skills will be improved directly. Moreover, many outdoor activities are run and series of lecture are delivered, so almost students can make their character and behavior better. This can be the best chance for students to improve their social skills.

Second, universities run many courses for students such as research, experiment and exercises. In university, students will be taught by professors who have high qualification, so they can be provided the best knowledge about science as well as society. In addition, the professors hold many discussions and students have to work with their partner in order to solve the problem of the discussion. As a result, they will know how to solve a problem and work with their colleagues in the future.

Third, gaining degree can be a key reason for students to start university. Because universities supply students with many positive courses, so having a good degree will confirm their skills and abilities. Consequently, graduates will have a higher position in society. Not only the university degree marks the beginning of success, but also it will commit a higher salary in the future. According to a report, more than 80% of graduates have a more than three or four times salary than uneducated people. Hence, university is probably the best place for students to make the future better.

Many people graduate from universities over the world every year and they are dedicating themselves to the growth of world. And almost of them are successful in their career and reach the highest condition for their life. On the other hand, going to university is the best way to make dreams come true.