Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

People face far greater risks in our modern way of life than they did in the past


quynh_12 4 / 6 3  
Jul 30, 2016   #1
Task: "People face far greater risks in our modern way of life than they did in the past" How far do you agree or disagree with this statement. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, technology is increasingly developed, we are living in a really modern world. This contributes to put forward a question whether people face far greater risks in our modern way of life than we did in the past. I agree with this statement and in those lines, I will give you some specific information to support my opinion.

People are suffering from a great loss which are made by modern things. As we all know, traffic accidents has always been a part of our life, yet the level and severity are larger than ever before. Annually there are hundreds of thousand accidents caused by cars,planes,..not to mention the wounded, great numbers of occupants are died. Additionally, we also witness series of tragic incidents because of leaking nuclear power, leaking electricity,....which still leave enormous consequences at this time. Such things always create a profound fear in everyone's mind.

Furthermore, the use of modern technology from factories, enterprises,... has caused environmental pollution and this indirectly generated climate changes. Therefore natural disasters may happen anytime, anywhere and even on an ultra large scale. Many countries in the world have to restore everything after floods, earthquakes, tsunamis,...many people are homeless, famished, infected,... and worst of all is death. So it is believed that "the more modern this world is, the more dangerous it becomes".

Life is difficult, no matter which periods we live, I believe there are always hazards associated with one each, it is just smaller or bigger. In conclusion, the development of modern life has brought back a greater risk than in the past, however, we can not deny the benefits of modern life in some aspects

huynhngocminh99 4 / 13 9  
Jul 30, 2016   #2
Hi, here is my opinion
This contributes to putting forward
I suggest you write the reasons in the introduction, it will be clearer and more persuasive than just saying "i will support my opinion"

People are suffering from a great loss caused /which [b]is caused[/b
are died are dying
Has brought back on a greater risk than in the past. However...
By the way, in an essay, to sound more formal you should avoid writing "...". Instead , you can write"ect" or "and so on"

Hope it helps
nguyendinhtuong 4 / 14 9  
Jul 31, 2016   #3
The correction you made is just about grammar and linking ideas. However, the topic requires you to show "any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience", which I think is not present in your essay. Hence, you still need to rewrite the whole essay by adding your own examples to support the ideas. I think it could be better if you add 3rd paragraph in body part, which undermines the opposite points and strengthens your ideas.


Home / Writing Feedback / People face far greater risks in our modern way of life than they did in the past