Scholarship / 'My grandparents' - Persons who has influenced me--national merit scholarship essay [3]

Please be brutal! I need this to be a great essay! Also, are the intro/conclusion too focused on summers spent up north??

prompt: To help the reviewers get to know you, describe an experience you have had, a person who has influenced you, or an obstacle you have overcome. Explain why this is meaningful to you. Use your own words and limit your response to the space provided.

Many of my fondest memories are from the summer weekends I spend up north visiting my grandparents. Each visit to their lake house means a few blissful days of swimming, tubing, hanging out with cousins, and playing rousing games of Sequence, Golf, and Bananagrams. Of course, enjoying the lake and making memories with my relatives aren't the only things I've done during these weekend retreats. I've also had the opportunity to observe my grandparents in action at the head of the Kort clan. What I've concluded is that they are unbelievably amazing people whose example has had an enormous influence on the importance I place on family.

When I was younger, the main reason I would go visit my grandparents at the lake was that my parents needed someone to look after my sister and me. My grandparents were always more than happy to babysit; in fact, they would often drop hints that perhaps my parents would like a break from the two of us, and that the "Up North Inn" was always open! They would do anything to help out a family member. In fact, if there's one thing I've learned from my years of interaction with the two of them, it's how extremely important it is to take care of one's relatives. "Family comes first," my grandpa likes to say.

My grandparents don't quit being superheroes when the leaves begin to change and it's time for the lake house to go into hibernation. Never taking off their capes, my grandparents zoom from one side of the state to the other, and back again, in a dizzying effort to make an appearance at every concert, competition, and graduation of each of their thirteen grandchildren that takes place between summers. I love having my own personal cheering squad when they come to my events, and I look forward to our tradition of a celebratory ice cream run afterward.

I'm sure there are lots of grandparents who are devoted to their families, but I don't know how many have the dedication to do what mine did a few years ago, when my uncle fought and lost a long, hard battle with brain cancer. Through it all, my grandparents warred alongside him. They were always available to help out with anything that needed to be done, from driving my uncle to appointments to watching his three children while my aunt enjoyed a brief respite. My grandparents' courage and perseverance in such a hard situation sets them apart from other grandparents and shows exactly how dedicated they are.

I may be a little biased--I do have half of their DNA, after all--but I've concluded that my grandparents are really admirable people. They've set a superb example by consistently being available to support and care for my relatives and me. They are always ready to fill any role with finesse and enthusiasm, be it babysitter, cheerleader, or something in between. Whoever said that kids don't learn anything during summer vacation obviously didn't spend their summers at the lake house, because I consider instrumental in my education the time I spend up north with my favorite teachers, my grandparents.

Undergraduate / "visiting my grandparents" - person who has influenced me in a significant way [4]

I always look forward to going to visit my grandparents at their house up north on ***** Lake. Each visit means a weekend of swimming, tubing, hanging out with cousins, and playing rousing games of Sequence, Golf, and Scrabble in the "bug house," the screened porch that my grandpa built himself a few years ago. Of course, enjoying the lake and having a great time with my relatives aren't the only things I've done during my countless weekend retreats. I've also had the opportunity to observe my grandparents in action at the head of the ****** clan. What I've found is that they are two unbelievably amazing people.

When I was younger, the main reason I would go visit my grandparents at the lake was that my parents needed someone to take care of my sister and I. My grandparents were always more than happy to babysit; in fact, they would often drop hints that maybe my parents needed a break from the two of us, and that the Up North Inn was always open! They would do anything to help out a family member. In fact, if there's one thing I've learned from my years of interaction with the two of them, it's how extremely important it is to take care of your kin. Family comes first, my grandpa likes to say.

My grandparents don't quit being superheroes when the leaves begin to change and it's time for the lake house go into hibernation. Never taking off their superhero capes, my grandparents zoom from one side of the state to the other, and back again, in a dizzying effort to make an appearance at every concert, competition, and graduation of each of the thirteen of their grandchildren that takes place in the void between summers. It's so cool to have my own personal cheering squad in the audience when they come to an event of mine, and even cooler when we go out for ice cream after it's over.

I'm sure there are lots of grandparents who are decidedly devoted to their families, like my grandparents are, but I don't know how many have the dedication to do what mine did in this next matter. A few years ago, my uncle was diagnosed with brain cancer. No amount of chemotherapy, brain surgeries, or hoping against all hope could save him, and he passed away (after a really good fight). Through it all, my grandparents fought beside him, proving themselves stronger than even the strongest army. They were always available to help out with anything that needed to be done, from driving my uncle to appointments to watching the three kids while my aunt enjoyed a brief respite. My grandma and grandpa's courage and perseverance in such a hard situation sets them apart from other grandparents and shows just how dedicated they are.

I may be a little biased--I do share half of their DNA, after all--but I've concluded that my grandparents are really admirable people. They can take on any role--babysitter, cheerleader, ultimate supporter--and fill it with finesse and enthusiasm. They've set a great example, and I will and do endeavor to propagate all their best qualities.

Undergraduate / Pikachu, Charizard, Darkrai - influential character / figure / work -commonapp essay [2]

The prompt:
Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

My essay:
Pikachu, Charizard, Darkrai. Familiar names for most people my age, who spent their childhoods worshipping the cute, little Japanese characters known as Pokemon. But not for me. I grew up a Trekkie. While the other kids were trading cards and plugging away on their Gameboys, I was debating with my sister whether Picard or Kirk made a better captain. I am grateful; not only was Star Trek an excellent source of quality entertainment, but it also helped me set my moral compass, learn what it truly means to be human, and left me with high aspirations for the future of mankind.

I don't know how other people's consciences work, but when I'm faced with moral dilemma, the little voices ask me, "If this were part of a Star Trek show, what would happen?" I can trust that the answer is the right thing to do, because a Starfleet officer would never do anything else. And if I'm ever in doubt about what to say when the going gets tough, I just have to remember Captain Picard's eternal words from the episode The First Duty: "The first duty of every Starfleet officer is to the truth, whether it's scientific truth or historical truth or personal truth! It is the guiding principle on which Starfleet is based!"

One of the main themes of Star Trek is humanity. In every series there is a character who is a sort of outsider among the crew, Seven of Nine the ex-Borg or Spock the Vulcan, for example. This character questions traits that humans often take for granted-humor, impulsiveness, and even friendship-and through the character's commentary the audience gains a whole new perspective on the topic. The android Data is perhaps the best example of how Star Trek explores the theme. His deepest, most desperate desire is to become more human, and by watching him I was able to sum up what it is to be human in a few words: to be on a constant quest for the betterment of oneself.

Another important thing imparted on me by Star Trek is its vision of the future. War, disease, and hunger have been virtually eliminated in Star Trek's version of Earth's future. There is no longer a need for money because everyone is perfectly willing to do their part in society simply to make life better for their fellows. It may all seem too good to be true, but I continue believing that such a world may someday be possible, and I do my best to follow the examples Star Trek has set in the hope that the world of today gets just a little bit closer to the Star Trek vision of the future.

The Star Trek world still feels like a second home to me, and I can't imagine life without it. The many late nights of sneaking upstairs to catch an episode that was on past my bedtime were not wasted; I feel as if my devotion to Star Trek as a child helped shape me into a better person than I would have otherwise been. I hope that my own children are lucky enough someday to not be swept up in their generation's equivalent of the Pokemon craze, but to entertained by something as worthwhile as Star Trek, which is really not so much a trek through the stars, but a journey of exploration of the human condition.

Any sort of feedback is welcome!

Undergraduate / uchicago "Between living and dreaming there is a third thing. Guess it." [5]

the prompt:
Spanish poet Antonio Machado wrote, "Between living and dreaming there is a third thing. Guess it." Give us your guess.

my essay (be brutal!):
There is no better feeling than crawling into a warm, soft bed at the end of a long day. I curl up under soft, satiny sheets and rest my sleepy head on a plush down pillow. I take a deep, cleansing breath in, and as I exhale all tension disappears from my muscles, and the worries and stresses of the day rise like mist from my body and float away. The logical, black and white, zero and one, yes and no part of my brain that works all day analyzing situations and making decisions powers down. My operating system has shut down for the night, and I am charging my batteries for tomorrow. The technicolor landscape of my dreams lies just ahead. At peace, I drift along without a care in that wonderful void between consciousness and unconsciousness.

Magical things happen when I am in this state, when I am no longer completely awake but not quite in dreamland. As relaxed as I am, this is the time when I do my best thinking, and come up with those so-crazy-it-just-might-work ideas. Why? The vivid colors and mad ideas that will shortly become my dreams bounce around in my head, unchecked by the practical part of my brain. They cross paths with my exiting thoughts, practical thoughts about the day I have just completed, and an explosion occurs! It is as if matter and antimatter have collided in my head. But the aftermath isn't a gigantic mushroom cloud spewing gamma rays. It's an ingenious new idea, offspring of my logical, practical thoughts and aimless ramblings of my subconscious that I spend the day suppressing. The idea could be anything: an inventive topic for an English paper, a hunch about what happened to the important piece of paper I spent all day searching for, or a creative gift idea for my mom's birthday. It could even be (and has been!) something as crazy as a theory about the existence of the tenth dimension.

I believe that the semiconscious state in which such an ingenious idea is created is the third thing: the thing between wakefulness and sleep, living and dreaming. My cesspool of a semiconscious brain is the environment in which an emulsion can be made of two normally immiscible types of thoughts: the conscious and the unconscious. The thoughts fuse into one single thing: a novel idea, a creative solution to a practical problem.

In living I deal with the practical problems of life, and in dreaming I experience ideal but unrealistic solutions to the problems. Semi consciousness is the place in between: where thoughts from both my living and dreaming states combine to form an idea about how to make those ideal dream solutions part of my life.