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Posts by danielladelucia
Joined: Sep 2, 2011
Last Post: Oct 16, 2011
Threads: 4
Posts: 17  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 21
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danielladelucia   
Oct 16, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the rolling waves of the ocean' - meaningful event Florida admissions [3]

please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service. (500 words)

The boat rhythmically swayed to the rolling waves of the ocean. The only thing in sight was blue- a deep, dark, shade of blue. All I could hear was the gentle hum of the engine at trolling speed, the wind slowly whizzing past my ears, and the occasional call of a lonely Frigate bird off in the distance. We were far away from any signs of shore; it was just me, my dad, and a sea full of dolphin awaiting our capture.

Earlier that day, we had a stroke of luck nailing three keepers, but now, it seemed as if the all-you-can-eat buffet was closed. As we patiently waited for our next catch, we talked about life, the future, and all the other deeper topics we normally didn't touch upon. Fishing with my dad is always our time to bond, relax, and "get away" for awhile. It's our oldest tradition, ever since I caught my first fish on a hot pink, Barbie, fishing rod.

Just as we were joking around, it finally hit. The initial shock of the line spooling off the reel snapped us into a realization- "We gotta fish!" I popped from my seat like a sizzling kernel, bounded to the pole, and yanked it from its holder. My dad instinctively throttled down while I set the hook. With all my might, I pulled up, and reeled down, pulled up and reeled down, but the line just kept going!

"Oh my gosh! I think we've got a Bull Dolphin!" exclaimed my dad. "We're going to need to follow this fish until it slows down if we want to bring it to the boat!"

And just like that, as if it was responding to my dad's words, I watched as the Mahi-Mahi leaped from the ocean's surface. It's skin glistened brilliant shades of bright yellow, blue and green, in a fantastic display of beauty and power. It twisted magnificently and majestically before it blasted back into the ocean, creating a colossal spray of surf. I knew once and for all that I would do whatever it took to possess this fish.

The battle raged on for another thirty minutes. I resisted trading off with my dad until my arms burned with exhaustion and the blisters on my hands screamed at me to let go. At long last, we could see the mighty beast coming closer to the boat. He looked just as fatigued as we did. Right as my dad had grabbed the gaff, and was getting ready to make the final blow, I looked at the invincible creature, reduced to a pitiful victim, and yelled "Dad stop!"We had enough dolphin for a decent dinner. What would be the sense of killing this hardy warrior? I felt a sense of accomplishment as I watched him swim away. Since we didn't have a camera on board, our victory exists only in our memories, but it is something we will never forget.

The hard work that I have learned from fishing with my dad is something that has always stayed with me. It is present while I diligently train for cross country, vigorously study for four AP classes, and relentlessly push myself to produce new ideas for fundraisers and community service activities as the President of the National Honor Society. I know for a fact that I possess the self-discipline, motivation, and focused mentality to succeed at University of Florida, all I need is the chance to prove it. Go gators!
danielladelucia   
Oct 2, 2011
Undergraduate / "All I know is that I wanted to get closer and closer to films." - Common App #4 [2]

My first step involved being glued to the movie theater; secondly, I began to note the directors; and thirdly, I starting reviewing films over and over, also making choices about what I would have done, as if I was the director.

change drag to drug in ..."movies acted on me like a drag".

what is hipster nation?

I would add in a conclusion sentence because it kind of drops off
danielladelucia   
Sep 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Questionbridge Essays #1 and #2: "Insignificance Breeds Success" & "Americanization" [2]

Amazing! Fantastic! You will be accepted no doubt! I liked the space essay the best, until I finished the second essay, and then it was a tie. So basically, the beginning of your second essay is not as strong as everything else, but that's okay. I still love it. Please please please give me some suggestions on my application essay. You seem like you could really help me since your so brilliant.
danielladelucia   
Sep 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'without my step-father...' - Someone who has made an impact in your life [2]

DELETE ALL THIS: At first, I did not know who to write about. It is strange how writing this essay has made me think of all the opportunities I have been presented with in the past two years.

Colleges don't care whether or not you didn't know what to write about. No one knows what to write about. In fact, you should have thought of your step dad immediately if he's really that important. CHANGE YOUR INTRO. Just say that you've had great opportunities. DELETE THE "he is one of those people who fight for the freedom...". Colleges want to know about you not your step dad. The fact that hes doing all that is obvious as soon as you say that hes a soldier. Talk more about his effect on your life than anything else.
danielladelucia   
Sep 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'TelePortal' - If you could invent something - GaTech Essay [2]

Cute essay. This doesn't make sense..."invention in creation". And don't say "right wing anti environmentalist". What if your admissions person is a republican environmental lover? Regardless, it's still discriminating. I would use stronger word choice too. Could u edit my essay?
danielladelucia   
Sep 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Any ideas on the u of m business school essay? Ross School of business [5]

All night camps for children with skin diseases that can't go into the sun. Advertisements telling people how bad soda is for you (like cigarettes "above the influence"). And thats all i can think of. It would be great if you could edit my essay?
danielladelucia   
Sep 29, 2011
Undergraduate / What most influenced you to apply to The GWU - how not to give my life story? [3]

I'm working on applications too. The best thing to do is research the university, and add facts into your essay that make the reader know that your reallyyyyy interested in their school. For example, I want to attend UCF because of it's brand new college of medicine, 166,000 dollars worth of research money and breakthrough scholarships given to an entire class.
danielladelucia   
Sep 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the National Honor Society' -FSU application (leadership, learning, service, global) [3]

FSU- leadership, learning, service, and global awareness. Which of these characteristics appeal most to you and why?

There has always been one very important hour of the week that my mom and I never made any plans other than to stay home, Wednesdays from 7:00 to 8:00 pm. We even had a routine where fifteen minutes beforehand I would go grab a huge blanket from the closet while she whipped up a bowl of fresh popcorn. Whats all the fuss about (you must be wondering)? "Gilmore Girls" of course. A realistic comedy centering around the close relationship between a thirty year old single mother and her teen daughter. The daughter, Rory Gilmore, was a diffident, yet beautiful, study-holic, who made perfect grades and was a leader at her school. From the moment I fell in love with the show, I always compared myself to Rory, and dreamed of following in her footsteps, which essentially led me to set an important goal; to be a leader, just like her.

I started out freshman year running for class president. Ten t-shirts, at least a hundred posters, and three batches of cookies later, I was defeated, but on the positive side, I learned an important lesson ;that leadership can't be bought. My next attempt was a little bigger, running for president of Key Club, one of the most popular clubs at my high school. This time, I went a lot further than baked goods and flashy signs. In fact, I skipped all that entirely and instead focused on a speech that would tell my classmates all my ideas for meaningful community service projects I would set into motion if honored with their vote. Hours of research, memorization, and one speech later, I earned the title of Vice President, and got to initiate my ideas the following year. I learned another important lesson that day, leadership isn't handed to you based on your ideas, it's based on your actions, and you have to work hard for it. So at that point, I earned a position in my school, but it wasn't as big as it could have been. I thought to myself, ''Would Rory Gilmore be content with being just a Vice President?" Probably not. She would keep going, therefore, so would I.

I found my perfect opportunity junior year when I was inducted into the National Honor Society. I looked up at the current president, standing at his podium, commanding the attention of the entire room, and that's when I realized that I belonged there, but first I would have to prove to my classmates that I could be a strong leader. My first idea was that the National Honor Society should be tutoring the elementary school students across the street, which led to my creation of the Plantation Key Elementary School Math Tutoring Program. Then, when the National Honor Society needed ideas for fund raising, I researched every local event going on within the following six months, contacted the individuals in charge, and organized ways for the society to sell food and beverages at certain events that hadn't already hired a caterer. My peers observed my initiative and in the end, when elections took place, I was rewarded the title of President of the National Honor Society.

Leadership is definitely a characteristic that appeals most to me, but it also took years of learning in order to eventually accomplish my goal. And with my new found authority, I'm able to implement lots of service activities that truly make a difference in my community, such as the Anne's Beach Clean Up. Now, my question is "Would Rory Gilmore be satisfied with President of the National Honor Society? Or would she go further to be a leader in college, and eventually the real world?" I'm sure she would, therefore, so will I.
danielladelucia   
Sep 7, 2011
Undergraduate / "I have always volunteered" - FSU [3]

I like your essay a lot, but be careful not to sound like your "bull dinkying" (trying not to curse). Did you really love visiting elderly folks? What I would do is start off telling FSU about what you thought it would be like to volunteer at the alzheimers unit...hard, sad, blah blah blah. Then you came to realize how much you benefited from the experience. That will make it sound more realistic...Also, I'm trying to apply to FSU, but for some reason, it asks me to submit the application before the essay, extracurriculars, or anything like that shows up..so I'm confused. Can you help me?
danielladelucia   
Sep 7, 2011
Undergraduate / "one day I can wear my black and gold" - why to apply to UCF? [3]

My oldest brother has always been my strongest example in life. He made perfect grades throughout high school, got accepted to a prestigious medical school, and now he has his very own successful family practice office in West Palm Beach. My current plan is to follow in his footsteps. I'm extremely intrigued by the new College of Medicine, the breakthrough four year scholarships offered to an entire class, and the $133.3 million dollars worth of research funding. The idea of training in many of the major specialty hospitals in the Orlando area is very exciting to me. Also, after growing up in a small town atmosphere, I long to attend the 5th largest university in the nation. The modern campus of UCF really appealed to me over the older, more traditional style universities. Since I plan to live on campus, it's important that I feel at home in my living quarters, and the dorms at UCF do just that. It would be an honor to get accepted to my "first choice", and I desperately hope that one day I can wear my black and gold around campus proudly.
danielladelucia   
Sep 2, 2011
Undergraduate / "... and everybody was smiling" - UCF Admissions [5]

Great essay! I'm working on the exact same question right now :) Although I would change one sentence to this ..."We rarely turned a corner without witnessing at least one student in black in gold".
danielladelucia   
Sep 2, 2011
Undergraduate / "my fellow Knights" - unique characteristics you possess that are good for UCF? [7]

A blaring alarm infringes upon my dreams, thrusting me upwards into the world of reality. I pop from my bed like a sizzling kernel, despite the fact that it's only 5 am. As discreetly as possible, I slip on my Nikes and make my way out the cabin door to the deserted running deck on the "Costa Pacifica". The wind is neither my friend nor foe, blasting me astern on my trek towards the bow, and boosting me forwards as I sprint for the aft. Time is of the essence. In just a few hours, we should be arriving in Tunis, Tunisia. Some people call me crazy for getting up so early, or for running four miles around a cruise ship during the summer, but I like to call it dedication. A vacation is no excuse for slacking. The inspirational words of Aristotle come to mind, "We are what we repeatedly do, excellence then is not an act, but a habit." I live by this doctrine of self-discipline, whether it's practicing two hours daily on the piano, accurately completing a week's worth of homework the first day it's assigned, or waking up at the crack of dawn during summer vacation to train for the cross country season ahead.

Other qualities I would use to describe myself would be culturally aware and well-traveled. I have sipped the frigid waters of the Mendenhall Glacier in Juneau, Alaska; haggled in the bustling markets of the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul, Turkey; pursued the mythical Lock Ness Monster in Lake Ness, Scottland; and I have the capability of continuing on for another 34 countries. Because of these experiences, I believe that I bring an international perspective to the classroom. The world is a textbook and it has taught me the differences in many cultures and types of people; but most importantly, I've learned the ways in which were all the same. If given the privilege to attend UCF, I would embrace the diversity amongst the campus, and hopefully be able to share my experiences and knowledge with my fellow Knights.
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