Undergraduate / Winter break essay for school on GOALS [5]

Here is the topic: What are your short-term and long-term goals? Are they related? Which ones are priorities?

This is what I have so far. PLEASE critique (I need a good grade). Anything helps, thanks! :)

"Dr. Malu to the trauma unit STAT," blasts the intercom and I speedily make my way to the emergency room. I start to shake and doubt my abilities of whether or not will I be able to do this? Will I be able to save this person? Then I remember my training and all the arduous hours I spent studying day and night to become what I am today. I swipe away all the negativity swarming my mind and focus on what is pertinent: saving my patient's life. This is my goal. To become a doctor who will help those in need has always intrigued me and by pursuing my education it will lead me to this great achievement.

However, as of now I need to focus on the present and that is graduating high school. Without the foundation of high school the road that will lead me to my long-term goals will be crushed to shambles. Therefore, I have decided to prepare myself for my future which includes the journey of college and medical school by taking challenging classes to spark my interests. Since ninth grade I made it a priority to put school first and enrolled in the Cambridge Program and Academy of Health Professions Program at my high school, Gainesville High. It was there where I learned of my love for rigorous coursework which is what prompted me to remain enrolled in both programs.

I know that when the day comes for me walk across that stage to receive my Cambridge and Academy of Health Professions diploma, my short term goals will be accomplished. I can visualize my family cheering for me in the stands, "you did it Rosemari, way to go!" As I get my picture taken with my principal who proudly shakes my hand I will remember all of the hours I dedicated to be where I am at. This would not be possible if I didn't have a plan, if I didn't have goals set for myself. Both my short-term and long-terms goals work together like when rainbows form after it rains; when one appears it results in the other to develop. Similar to how after I graduate from high school and earn my diplomas I will embark on a new journey to college.

Undergraduate / Soccer and players - short answer (for Common App) [13]

Topic: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words max).

It is not just the November breeze, the bright luminescent lights overhead, or the packed stadium filled with caring parents and school-spirited friends; to me, soccer is a doorway that leads to adventure. With each step I imagine myself as a gazelle galloping through the African Sahara advancing my way towards the prized watering hole. As I meander my way between the trees I remember that I also have my family to take care, my team to support. And with one majestic yet forceful kick, I send the ball flying and it lands within striking distance of my teammate. Just in time I lift my head and witness the fluttering of the net and hear the melodious uproar from the stadium: I knew we scored. In response, as I sprint up with excitement to congratulate each player I realize what it really means to be a part of a team.

Any criticism is encouraged! Thanks. :)

Undergraduate / 'My interest in sign language' - UF Undergrad [3]

The UF Topic is: In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

This is what I have for my essay; I'm still making changes on it though. I took it to my English teacher to review and she siad that it wasn't personal enough. If you have any suggestions to help me make it better I am more than willing to hear them. Thanks so much!

My interest in sign language was ignited at a very young age while living in the diverse neighborhood of Santé Fe Oaks. It was there where I was fortunate enough to meet a deaf family who willingly shared a piece of their culture with me: their Deaf Culture. Instantaneously, I became eager to soak up all the information on American Sign Language as I could. For instance, this past year I journeyed to the historic city of St. Augustine to visit the Florida School for the Deaf and Blind with my American Sign Language class.

Upon our arrival, the auditorium was filled with informational display boards, blaring music, and hundreds of kids ready to attract the newest attendants: us. We were expeditiously engaged in conversation with the swarm of kids surrounding us. One child in particular caught my eye; his name was Dan. Dan was born deaf and his parents never learned how to sign; instead, they decided to send him to the Florida School for the Deaf and Blind, the best deaf school in Florida.

After spending a day with him I learned of his love for drawing, playing duck-duck-goose and gaining new knowledge. I realized that Dan and I were extremely similar. Even though I wasn't born deaf like he was, we both found pleasure and satisfaction from being able to expand our knowledge. Maybe this is why I want to become a pediatric doctor and from the new experiences and opportunities that college life at the University of Florida will present me. I will be able to continue my quest for knowledge by contributing back to the Gator Community through service by helping kids just like Dan.