Undergraduate / Tutorial Classes in Hong Kong - UTA admission issue of importance [2]

I think my essay is quite messy. Can some help me to fix that? Any grammatical mistakes or ambiguous ideas?
Please HELP ME :)

Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

In the place where I live, secondary education no longer means schools or colleges, but more and more tutorial centers.
My homeland is Hong Kong, an international city where people are highly competitive - in both at work and at school. With a view to achieving appealing grades in the public exam and reaping a superb CV, the overwhelming majority of secondary school students choose to attend tutorial classes offered by private tutorial centers. "We are not helping you to achieve higher, but the highest," as the banners of the center claim fervently.

In tutorial centers, students pick the specific topics they want to study or revise and attend the class accordingly. Tutors are just like school teachers, except that they rarely talk to students as they have to leave in a hurry for the upcoming classes whenever the bell has gone. Another biggest feature for tutorial center would be the method of teaching. Traditionally, people expect teaching as a two way process in which teachers raise mind-provoking questions and students give the answers. Interestingly, no tutor will raise a single question nor seek for answers. In most cases, the lessons are not operated by the tutors themselves, but the video clips that they have recorded previously. Therefore, students attending the class simply stare at the big screen and jot notes - what a commercial strategy to save time. In this way, classes in different districts can proceed at the same time without the present of a real tutor. Students learn like a machine by the lecture given by a machine, but no one feel strange after such a seemingly effective method has been become a trend for nearly a decade.

So what makes tutorial classes so appealing? According to my personal experience, it is the exam skills taught by tutors that cause students to have such a great incentive to join the classes - even greater than that of going to normal schools. In the tutorial centers, tutors reveal the ways to set the questions practiced by the Hong Kong Examination Authority. After examining the question formats, we are supposed to know how to avoid the traps in the questions and prevent the lost of scores. Sometimes, we are advised to recite the standard answers for different question types. "You don't have to understand the question. When you see the keywords appear, simply recall the answer printed on my notes and copy it down in the paper!" my biology tutor once kindly suggested.

To be honest, at first I found this way of learning efficacious and convenient as I didn't have to turn the books to search for the main ideas nor make my own notes. All the learning materials were sieved, with the most "useful" parts remained. And I was delighted to see the good grades I obtained after following the advice offered by my tutors. But when I reflected and recalled what I had learnt, I was bewildered. There was nothing in my mind except the debris of highlighted points and standardized sentences. I had deliberately discarded the valuable knowledge in the traditional books just because they were labeled as "seldom appear in the exam" and what occupied my schoolbag were no longer my textbooks or notebooks but the tutorial notes. Ultimately, I realized that this kind learning might be helpful in surviving in the exams, but was not a proper way to absorb knowledge. How would I be able to compete with students outside Hong Kong in the future if I merely knew the partially selected knowledge? How could I be self-directed learning after entering the university if I sheer depended on my tutor? Therefore, I gave up attending the tutorial classes in the second term of S5 and returned to work on my own again. Frankly, it was tougher to sort out the information myself. Nevertheless, I learned more than before indeed.

Yet, it is the undeniable fact that the vast majority of my classmates and friends do adhere to their tutors. In class, while the teachers are giving the lectures, some students just indulge themselves in the tutorial notes and Past Papers. Even worse, some choose to sleep in class with a view to saving energy for the tutorial classes after school until night. Almost certain is that tutorial centers are going to replace conventional schools. While experts are frowning upon at such a wrench phenomenon of education and pointing out the latent problems, ironically, the enrollment rate of tutorial classes keeps boosting. Whenever the annual public exam results are released, the tutors will promptly connect those who get the top grades and have been attending their classes. In no time, we will see a photo pasted outside the tutorial centre in which the student shakes hands with the tutor expressing his or her gratitude. In this way, education becomes business and learning becomes a trade.

The culture of attending tutorial class causes me to have a reflection on education and a twist in my attitude towards learning. For me, education is a procedure to instill knowledge and values rather than a fast tract for gaining a preeminent diploma. I have once lost my way in the tutorial tide but now I know I will be depriving myself of the opportunity to learn more and earn more if I continue to cling to my tutors. I understand vividly that Hong Kong has long been a commercial society, but it will be a pity if the educational system falls prey to money.

While I previously presume that the tutorial trend is constricted to secondary schools, recently I read a piece of news about a newly opened tutorial centre for university students. This is preposterous and meanwhile sadly shows that the tide has already spread to tertiary education. And that's why I hope to study in the UTA abroad, where I can pursuit of the core value of education.

Writing Feedback / 'In Hong-Kong diversity is nothing more than a mixture of identities' Rutgers [5]

Do you think I am giving tangible response to the Question???
Please criticize!!! Thzzzzzz!

Required Essay: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.

Diversity.To most Hong Kong citizens,diversity is nothing more than a mixture of identities.When there are a variety of "things"coexisting in society,"We are diverse!",as claimed by many Hong Kongers.Yet,what diversity actually means to me is the willingness to approach the variations.I tend to take one step forward to expose myself to different cultures instead of merely being aware their existence.Most importantly,I myself develop a diverse character by performing my best in academic field and sports.This makes me a truly diverse teenager internally and externally.

Unlike most candidates who sheer indulge themselves in textbooks,I am determined to shine both at school and in the swimming pool.Since primary four,swimming has linked with my academic work.This habit is the most arduous at the beginning of each school term,when the start of new term merges with the forthcoming Inter-school Swimming Gala.In order to build up stable groundwork for the new school year as well as grab the golden time for the last preparation for the race,I strictly adhere to the saying"do the right things at the right time".At school,I squeeze the time between breaks to revise.In the pool,I temporarily clear the school work from my mind and pay full attention to swimming.I know vividly that self discipline is of paramount importance if I want to survive successfully in a diverse condition.In Rutgers,I am sure that I can glow in various areas thanks to the adaptation of crossing school work and sports.My talents cannot be shown fully without a diverse atmosphere like the vibrant community in Rutgers.

I believe that a proper way to face the external diversity is equally crucial,especially in Rutgers,where there are thousands of international students from 125 countries.I am confident that my experience in dealing with people with different cultures can equip me to get along well with my fellow schoolmates in the future.In S5, when I was arranging the parents of the S1 newcomers to take the interview,I met a black father came from Nepal,who was sitting vaguely while other Chinese parents had queued up.At that time,I did hesitate whether I should help him as I did not know and had never spoken to any middle-east foreigners."Sir, may I help you?" I plucked up my courage ultimately."Yes!Please, I don't understand ..."My first time to serve foreigners was successful after watching him left with a content simile.From then on, I cherished the chances to meet different people actively.When the exchange students,Marica from Italy and Carolina from Finland arrived,I took the initiative to talk to them and introduced our Chinese culture.I told Marica the symbolic meaning of dragon to Chinese and how we celebrate the Lunar New Year.When Carolina was query about the special note above the word"Beijing",I told her about the Putonghua tone and the differences between Putonghua and Cantonese.My skill for getting along with people of cultures was honed owing to my initiative to meet foreigners.

I regard introducing the Chinese culture as my mission.By bringing the culture of my motherland into the Rutgers'campus,I intend to embellish the diverse environment with more eastern features.These days,China is growing to a more influential nation and I hope to serve as a link between China and Rutgers by my role as an international student.My cousin who is lives in the US told me that he is attending Chinese classes to learn Chinese culture,but I reckon only by meeting a Chinese resident can American students explore more about our most native customs.If given the opportunity to be a member of such a diverse yet harmony family in Rutgers,I will devote myself to motivating others to become a truly diverse person with clear directions and garnishing the campus with my Chinese root.

Undergraduate / 'Swimming life' - University of Florida freshman essay [3]

Please comment on my essay for UF...Im really desperate:(

In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

My classmates see me working too hard. When they pass by with laughter and notice me indulging myself in the textbooks every day at school, they simply think I am overly diligent and serious, which they consider absurd. "Exam is miles away." They giggle. Certainly, they don't know what kind of costly lesson I have learnt form my swimming experience. They can't even imagine the misery that follows regret. To them, I am foolish to bestow all my effort in completing a task. But I would rather be silly than sorrowful for not getting my job well done.

At my early stage of being an athlete, I treated swimming as chronic practice without attending to it wholeheartedly. As a result, the chance of being the champion faded one by one owing to my lax attitude. One year before the Inter-school Swimming Gala in Secondary Four, I realized that it might be the last chance for me to consummate my dream and I knew I could never make it unless I got rid of my laziness. Therefore, I practiced particularly hard that year, attending lessons four times a week, joining a swimming camp and enduring daily fitness test despite overwhelming tiredness after eight school lessons each day. When the big day came, I had got steadfast resolution to be the top. Close to the race, my anxiety boosted and was vividly shown in my trembling hands and quivering lips. "Beep!" the race began instantly as I plucked up my greatest power with an obscuring mind. I pulled all the effort I had and commanded every muscle to function. In the midway, my limbs that dragged me forward unremittingly were numb due to exhaustive movement. Inundated by the aspiration to win, I ignored all signs of tiredness. Once I felt my hands hit the terminal point, I glimpsed at the display screen to check my result. That had been the most devastating disappointment ever; I was the first runner up for zero point three second slower than the champion.

Buffeted by the result, I could not help burst out crying. "You've done your best. It's the best result ever!" My coach, who used to be merciless, offered the most soothing encouragement I had ever heard from him. "Just make it next year. Still a chance, right?" I shoot my head vaguely. I knew, better than anyone else, that it was impossible for me to maintain that fitness in other year's time. Despondent over the pulverized dream, I sat on the stadium speechlessly and had a deep reflection. The culprit of my flaw was the frivolous practice I had when I was small, leading to a squander of time without improvement and an unsteady groundwork. Once I realized the significance of working hard, it was too late to emulate those who were already ahead of me. I regret my sloth at early stage which brought me unbearably disastrous consequence.

Such experience, nurturing me how to make the decision between dedication and compunction, had been meaningful to me. From then on, knowing that the best way to turn my fiasco into a costly lesson is to avoid the blunder in future, I work exceedingly hard in academic field. Not letting a single minute pass without a value, I grab all the chances to equip myself. Thanks to the experience in the pool, I do not let myself down in the two years of senior school life. In retrospect, still, I can't help feeling regret about the competition but in future, I am determined never to be three tenths of a second late once more.

When I realize UF is the optimal university for me to accomplish my goal as a pharmacist, I know I have to strive for a degree at all cost. I will do my utmost in anyway I can as I do not want to be greeted by regret again. My swimming experience may not be a superb one, but it is my firm belief that the determination and staminal I acquired will lead me the way to become a versatile and capable student in the UF.