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Posts by winnie0603
Joined: Oct 14, 2011
Last Post: Jan 1, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 8  

From: Canada

Displayed posts: 10
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winnie0603   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / "Stabilization" - Stanford supplement---what matters to you [4]

I like your ending! I don't think you should rewrite the entire essay; however I do suggest that you elaborate more on the book that inspired you. Like a particular quote?

Saying "a book" might be somewhat general. Also, I think you should have a concrete example to focus on (eg. what you did to explore possibility around the limited resources you have) instead of writing about what you imagine. This might help you to stand out more.

But again, this might be just my own opinion. Good luck with your applications!
winnie0603   
Dec 22, 2011
Undergraduate / 'My sister and I were born in Morocco' - Letter of special circumstances for college [15]

Consider combining your first and second paragraph together because I see alot of overlaps.
Also, you don't have to deliberately point out your weakness but say something like "due to my involvement in extracracular activities, jobs, and keeping up in school, I didn't have as much preparation for the ACT" ---just my own opinion though.

Could you take a look at mine too? Thanks.
winnie0603   
Dec 22, 2011
Undergraduate / "the duet dance" my common app essay [4]

I really like your essay, I think the ending is great!!
I agree Erica Htet too though that you might want to consider cut down you essay abit.(the fourth paragraph?)
Could you take a look at mine too?
winnie0603   
Dec 22, 2011
Undergraduate / 'first year in marching band' - USF supplement [2]

I can honestly say that I've learned the most about my role in social values, and diversity and inclusion in marching band.
They knew how to make me feel included ---i think you could try some other word here, well its just my personal opinion
My section leaders were very friendly and funny .
I believe in the saying, "all great things have small beginnings," relating---a diction problem here---- to how influential leadership lays the foundation to make the world a more humane and just place .

I am ready to advance in life and University of San Francisco because it will certainly nourish me with its empowering values and start me on a path to nourish others.

Overall nice work, not sure what your essay limit is though, seems quite long. Good luck!
winnie0603   
Dec 22, 2011
Undergraduate / "Dedication to an interest"-common app for CORNELL [3]

I really need some to look at my essay because my deadline is coming up! Please feel free to criticize my content and point out any confusion/awkwardness.It would also be great if anyone could cut down my content abit, as right now its over the limit by 55 words. Thanks!!!:]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

"What?! You want to learn piano?" was the reaction from my parents when they first hear me asking to attend a piano class. This response was more of an inquiry than an answer but is also what I had anticipated. No doubt that learning piano takes great tenacity and effort, and most of my peers who played piano started at a very young age; my parents were worried that learning piano now would only detract my attention from academics.

"Look," my father says to me, "you will be graduating in three years, and piano requires many years of practice to achieve even an intermediate level. Plus, you don't have any musical background. It's going to be hard."

"But I like it" was all I could say at that time, I really had no idea what learning piano is going to be like. As good parents as they were, they decided they would let me have an attempt.

For the first two month, I learned piano without owning one. I would go to my piano teacher's house everyday with her permission to let me practice on her piano for an hour. On other occasions, I practiced at home on a keyboard that I drew for myself. It was difficult but yet the thought that I could practice something new the next week kept me going forward. Despite my exuberant effort and attitude towards learning piano, my progress was slow. My piano teacher suggested to me to learn some other instrument instead, something that would demand less technical skills. I discarded the idea at once and decided for myself that I would continue to learn piano no matter what.

Soon, my parents brought me a second-hand piano and found me a new piano teacher. Since then, I would sit in front of my piano for hours and let music flow out into the apartment halls every afternoon. Day after day, my skills elevated in small increments. From not being able to sight read to be able to play all the songs that I wanted to play. However, I didn't stop there. A little after two years of learning piano, I took the Royal Conservatory of Music level 8 piano exam upon my teacher's recommendation. It was a momentous day for because this is a chance for me to demonstrate the fruit of my efforts and prove my capabilities. I couldn't remember a time I felt more anxious yet eager at once. When I received the results two weeks later, joyful tears streamed down my face. I knew everything I did was worthwhile.

Will power is key to a successful life. I was glad that I adhere to my passion and did everything I can to pursue my goals. In the end perseverance paid off. Perhaps it did not sound as significant as winning an Olympic math competition or receiving an internationally recognized award, but from learning piano, I learned the importance of dedication and having confidence in myself. Even though at first the odds were against me, I turned the discouragements from my teacher and parent as a driving force that helped me to accomplish and excel. I realize I have only accomplished one little thing out of many that would require far more patience and stamina, but whatever they are, I am ready to conquer them.
winnie0603   
Dec 22, 2011
Undergraduate / "The Space is Playing Hide-and-Seek" - Williams College Essay [3]

The thousands of questions swarm inside my head every time I gaze at the stars. I invariably seek the knowledge of the world outside to be explored every time I look outside (mayb a little awkward here?)and see the gleaming, giant balls of gas in the sky, and I feel satisfied when I find the answers, only to thirst even more for new information. The space is playing hide-and-seek, and I want to join its game.

Hm I like how your essay is quite descriptive.good luck with your application! !
winnie0603   
Nov 18, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Mama Burger with Cheese and no pickles' Short Answer for Common App Work experience [4]

I'm new to this forum and this is my first post, any help would be greatly appreciated! Please give comments on how you think of my short answer? I need some help with shortening it because I'm exceeding the maxium of 1000 characters by 118characters. Thanks!

short answer prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

"Here's your Mama Burger with Cheese and no pickles. Have a nice day!" A girl in yellow uniform and brown trousers hands over a takeout bag to another girl across the counter and smiles.

From the 50's music to the aroma of fresh onion rings that filled the dining room, A&W Restaurant had become part of my weekly routine for the past two years. My work experience as a cashier at A&W helped me to develop and grow tremendously. My first day as a cashier was nothing like what I anticipated. It involved not only time-management, communication skills but also required patience, manner, and teamwork. However, instead of intimidated by the amount of work, I took it as a new challenge. Soon enough, I began to find satisfaction in helping people and putting up smiles on their faces. I felt great to be recognized by customers and managers for my hard work and great service, but at the same time I look for ways to improve and learn from my experiences. Working at A&W is more than just a part time job, it provided me the chance to give back to my community and shaped me into a more mature and responsible person.
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