Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by ljxlrdjxdr
Joined: Oct 18, 2011
Last Post: Oct 20, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 7  

From: China

Displayed posts: 9
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ljxlrdjxdr   
Oct 20, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'Afraid of murders all my life' - Essay about my fear [3]

I think you used too much "fears" in the last paragraph so maybe you need to paraphrase.
And maybe you should write more about how you walk along with your fear and live positively.
Good luck!:)
ljxlrdjxdr   
Oct 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'science and mathematics': Rice Perspective Gained From A Unique Writing Experience [3]

Nice experience to share!
However, I would suggest that you focus on the writting for PureMTGO.com part, and delete how you balanced your activities and all. Because I think the writting part is the most unique. Also, maybe you should make the beginning more eye-catching, because your story is definitely interesting.

Good luck!:)
ljxlrdjxdr   
Oct 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'inspired with my own dealings with pain' - Cornell supplement (CALS) [5]

Unique essay!

However, with each new doctor came no relief or another health problem.
I don't get what you are trying to say here.

Also, you sound a little bit like you are blaming the doctors and you think they are useless. They have tried their best to cure you, right? Maybe you should say that we need to further develop biology and medicine to cure certain diseases and you're willing to spend your life furthering that development.

This is just my opinion, hope it helps:)
ljxlrdjxdr   
Oct 20, 2011
Undergraduate / UVA: One Hundred Years of Solitude and The Five People You meet in heaven [2]

I wrote two essays in respond to Uva's supplement question:What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?

Please compare these two essays, and edit them if any mistake is found. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
I will do the same for your essay.
Thanks!!

1. One Hundred Years of Solitude
One Hundred Years of Solitude conveys an evil message: Mankind is doomed to be lonely because of our inherent selfishness. As the destiny of the Buendias was deciphered, it seems to me that the fate of humanity was revealed: No matter how many attempts we make, we ultimately cannot triumph against loneliness because we are egocentric. We may even be destroyed by our impulsive attempts to kill off solitude.

I was frightened. As a member of the human race, am I destined to be lonely and unloved? Certainly not when I was a child, but as I grew, my loneliness grew with me. Even close friends misunderstand each other. Even family members quarrel. After reading the book, I sought a proof by approaching others: I could conquer loneliness and live a loving life.

Did I enjoy interacting with people? Yes. I saw many dear faces that I have not seen for years, and I went on family trips that I used to cancel because of heavy school work. Did I win over solitude? Not yet. What I utter frequently betrays my true meaning. The same thing happens to everyone. We practically never got to know each other completely.

However, I learned that like darkness intensifies our desire for light, loneliness increases our longing for love and understanding. And with that longing, we can overcome selfishness and try to establish relationships. It is the brave attempt to win over solitude and egocentricity that makes us beautiful and strong.

2.The Five People You meet in Heaven
The novel The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom has changed my view of life crucially. Since childhood, I have been moving with my parents a lot. I have attended five schools in all, some for 3 years, some for only months. I stay in touch with some of my friends from my previous schools, but I have lost contact with the others. Having to say goodbye to people and places so often, I fear that my life would look like a bunch of fragments, each look so beautiful and unique, but make no sense when put together.

The five people you meet in heaven tells the story of Eddie, an ordinary maintenance man at Ruby Pier, an amusement park. Eddie thinks his life is meaningless and wasted, just like I have feared mine to be. But after he died in an attempt to save a child about to die on a broken ride, Eddie meet five people that have affected his life fundamentally. Eddie's five people explain his life for him, revealing his worth in various aspects and the significance of his "meaningless" maintenance job: keeping the visitors safe in Ruby Pier. Having understood that he played crucial roles in the life of others and has lived a worthy life, Eddie finds his own heaven in Ruby Pier, where he lives with his beloved wife and all the people he has kept from danger.

To me, the message in the book is convincing: whether we are notable or ordinary, each of us has distinctive value in life. Maybe the clue that connects my "fragments" is my interaction with other people, and as long as I care for others and offer what I have to give, my life will ultimately be a consistent, meaningful picture, though the picture is not yet clear.
ljxlrdjxdr   
Oct 19, 2011
Undergraduate / My struggle with perfection- Common Application essay [2]

Insightful!! Your essay has taught me a great lesson, because i am struggling with my imperfection as well, and probably everyone else is.
But I guess you may need to add some connection between skating and music, so your essay could flow more smoothly.
ljxlrdjxdr   
Oct 18, 2011
Undergraduate / "Drawing portraits" JHU supplement:something about yourself or your interests [2]

Please tell me about your opinion on this essay. It's okay to be harsh:)

Drawing portraits of family members, teachers, and my classmates is my daily routine. Yes, I do portray people as superman or spider man and create comics, just for fun. But I also draw more realistic portraits of people and keep their faces in my sketch book.

Since childhood, I have lived in three different cities. Having to change school frequently, I fear that my life would be beautiful fragments that make no sense when they are put together. Drawing people gives me a chance to patiently look back, and reflect on the time I spent with everyone. Familiar looks and expressions convince me that my life was not a waste in the past because I have loved people truly. Those faces, aged or young, foreign or native, hearten me to live deliberately and face changes courageously. I believe that it is not what I have done or where I went that make me myself, but the people I have met and loved that make my life unique.

Sometimes, I send their own portraits to my friends, to ensure that they remember me. As they have been a part of my existence, I want to leave a trace in theirs also. Memorizing my beloved people in one sketch book has taught me that as long as we still miss each other, our lives matter because of one another.
ljxlrdjxdr   
Oct 18, 2011
Undergraduate / 'My life synonymous to diversity' - my Rutgers essay [7]

Nice essay! Your experience is absolutely amazing. But maybe you should elaborate on how a particular culture influenced you, like how "Friends in India have taught me the strong cultural prominence one should have towards religion", and how that lesson shaped the way you do things, treat people etc. :)

.
By the way,
My friends in both, India and America have taught me how an ideal human should live life like
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