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Posts by Iridescent
Joined: Oct 29, 2011		 Last Post: Oct 30, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  

From: Pakistan

Displayed posts: 5
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Iridescent   
Oct 30, 2011
Writing Feedback / corrections in my essay "aspects of teenage life" [18]

That was perfectly delivered. You covered almost all the aspects of a teenager's emotional and life longing difficulties very beautifully.
To tell you the truth... tu aala likhti he yaar ;D
Iridescent   
Oct 29, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL- Sometimes a situation demands people to do thing they do not like! [2]

The topic you chose to write on was extraordinarily awesome. You could do so much better under this topic but disappointingly as I read it, I sighed along the lines till the end. Seriously, I have the intention to debate on the examples you gave, totally illogical. You need to improve your vocabulary along with the material... and also, the cause you're aiming for.

Sincerely, no offence.
Iridescent   
Oct 29, 2011
Undergraduate / "You make happiness with your own hands"-UW Madison- academic goals and circumstances [4]

Beautiful, very nice. I loved the concept. You aimed for inspiration and inspiration was beautifully delivered to the reader(as in me). Two things I just wanned to point out, first of them all is, as Hafsa noted out, what was it for? It basically depends on the purpose of what you're trying to deliver. Secondly; from what I got, a story such as yours is supposed to give an inspiring note to the readers who at least once rethink about the feelings and emotions you tried to put in. Mostly it depends on the ending para of the whole essay, from which(however the whole effort was) it is truly judged. The ending line, the most important thing you say to sum up the whole essay, is always to be something very noticeable if you want to present the whole impression nicely. A little emphasize on that, other than these, it was enjoyable.
Iridescent   
Oct 29, 2011
Writing Feedback / The Cause I Believe In - Uphold Peace [NEW]

"If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another."
Mahatma Gandhi.

Peace is not something you own; it is something you make, something you do, something you are, something you give away. It is something you must believe in.

Corruption is recognized to be one of the world's greatest challenges. It is a major hindrance to sustainable development, with a very bad impact on poor communities and is corrosive on the very erection of society. The impact on the private sector is also considerable, it boldly interferes in economic growth, distorts competition and represents serious legal and reputational risks. As well as affecting economic efficiency, corruption can also have distributional consequences like extortion, bribery, double-standards and intimidation as well as in terms of being hit by the negative and harsh consequences of corruption on country's overall development processes.

These affect are infecting our society, not only those who have been forced to do their jobs with dishonesty and disloaylity but also the youth, who one day, will become the pillars to our nation. It is a tragedic arise to the criminality that is being built in the caves of corruption. Before the greed of it overcomes the efforts of fair, truthful world we are trying to build, we must step up to protect it. Not only to protect but also to reaffirm faith in fundamental human rights, in the dignity and worth of the human person, in the equal rights of men and women and of nations large and small, to establish conditions under which justice and constitutionality can be maintained and to promote social progress and better standards of life in larger freedom. Let peace lead us from despair to hope, from fear to trust; let it lead us from hate to love, from war to peace; let peace fill our heart, our world, our universe with equality, harmony and untiy forever.

Just a glimpse of my narration, wanned to know what you guys feel about it. Any sort of criticism is welcomed(as far as it is helpful).
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