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Posts by hwei1994
Joined: Nov 15, 2011
Last Post: Jan 5, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 7  

From: China

Displayed posts: 9
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hwei1994   
Jan 5, 2012
Undergraduate / RA essay--Purpose of RA position and responsibilites [2]

If you were to ask me a year ago, what the purpose of an resident assistant (RA) is I probably would have said "to be the parent of the dorm." While in some ways that statement may be true, I know now that a RA does more than that . My second year living on campus has allowed me to observe the duties of an RA most closely. Here you need to expand. Summarizing my observations I can confidentially say that the RA acts more than a parent to the residents; It is responsible for maintainng good order in the residence hall, maintainng a positive living enviornment and promoting academic, personal and social growth for students. Essentially, the RA is the "superman/woman" or role model for the not only the residental life but also the U niversity.

:)
hwei1994   
Jan 5, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Inspiraducation' - Emory Supplement [2]

1.
Prompt:What are the unique qualities of Emory University, and the specific school(s) to which you are applying (Emory College of Arts and Sciences, Oxford College, or both), that make you want to become part of Emory University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

Text:(limit 250 words)

'Inspiraducation'

It is the excitement due to distinctive educational environment and research opportunities for students since first year that keeps me envisioning myself at Emory College of Arts & Sciences, especially in the Interdisciplinary Science Program for Integrating Research into Education. I'm seeking an education at 'a major research institution with the close student-faculty interaction of a small liberal arts college', as descriptions of INSPIRE indicate. INSPIRE exhibits Emory's insights and supports for innovations, which draws me the most. I'm ebullient to have this aim, for I can get devoted promptly in interdisciplinary researches.

For instance, I plan to carry out a research on factors and brain cell functions relating to human cerebral recognition of beauty and clown in my first or second year at Emory. The sense of beauty is mysterious and universal, and for years I have wondered whether a method could be applied to measure this emotion probably determined by biological processes. Both arts and sciences charm me a lot, and for years I have learned in natural sciences. I am curious about the potential interrelations of them. I believe the supposed biological processes would be directed by electro-biological effects on human nerves and influenced by individual distinction. Hence, the research will cover neuroscience, psychology and electromagnetism.

Even though the faith stands that mystery is one nature of arts and sciences, inspiration is another. I am looking forward to prospects of researches as academic treasure hunts, which stimulates my desire in education at Emory College.

Haochuan Wei

(250 words)

2.Optional
Prompt:What is your favorite ride at the amusement park? How does this reflect your approach to life?

Text: (limit 250 words)

Adventure Uncertain

'Such certainty is beautiful, but uncertainty is more beautiful still.'
View with a Grain of Sand, Wislawa Szymborska

I suffered agitation at the edge of precipice for a bungee jump. 'How can I hold my body when dropping as if on an air crash? Would the landscape change a bit when I look downward? What if a bird occurs when I am rushing with nothing but a nylon?' Much seemed enigmatic while daunting, and I could not balance an appetite for bungee, the mission of a ton, the adventure uncertain.

As I leaped forward, insecure impulses scanned my nerve in a mere flash; then, for the first time, I saw the charming city skyline this way. My eyes got dry by the wind, but I remained goggling. Air flowed into my sleeves, collars, and socks; I was captivated by this sense, literally. As my body was revolving, the scenes varied to skyscrapers in the central business district, cedars in the through greenbelts, blocks in the colorful estates, and Roller Coaster and Ferris Wheel a mile away, along a resolute leaping-out, a dormant stay in suspension, a breathtaking descending, a delicate curve in air, and a buoyant, sweet scent of land.

City was the city, rope was the rope, and air was the air, while life was not just the life; it felt like digressing into an ineffably kaleidoscopic dream, of which I was a devoting active, a willing captive, with an uncertainty divertive, a detachment sensitive.

Haochuan Wei

(250 words)

Any comments on the tone, style, structure, grammar and any other greatly welcome! And definitely I'll help with yours once you need it!

:)
hwei1994   
Dec 7, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Exuberance' -- Common App Essay #6 Free Choice [6]

Guys I need some extra advice.
Just be free to tell me what you may describe the writer according to this essay please.

Thank you a lot in advance! -)

Haochuan
hwei1994   
Dec 6, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'a very beautiful young woman who is very ambitious' - Describing a friend [3]

Great essay! Some minor advice for revising:
1. In the last sentence of your first para, the word 'family' is appearing too much. You may hope to delete one on them because just one is enough and to avoid a discomfort on syllables when reading.

2. You may hope to review your essay and shorten some long sentences, while it's also fine if you prefer not to do so.

The depiction of Edwina's figure is enlivened and of triple dimension. That's awesome.
I really like your 'loving, lovable and loved' words!
hwei1994   
Dec 6, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'To improve my insight into medicine' - Why Medicine? Vanderbilt scholarship [2]

Well formulated essay.
Some general advice for revising:
1.More focus should be laid on your perspective of 'medicine'. Your inner-directed desire for pursuing a medical career does not appear until late 2nd para.

2.In the 1st para the contents related to computer programming just serve as context but that make no impression, due to beneficial interrelations(if intended) with medicine too subtle to be seen. Or you may delete this and update with a brief anecdote, quotation (not from celebrities but from somebody who influenced you a lot to favor medicine as a major), or some relevant 'eye-catchers'.

3.The last para draws no sense. The words 'hard working', 'determined', etc. are so much cliche; it's great that you've shown your hardwork and determination, but it's no use to merely literally repeat them, coz those words are, to some extent, 'vain' in one's self-description. Nonetheless these serve well in evaluations on your behalf.

Besides, if possible, try some fresh contents. Since you're aiming for Vanderbilt scholarship, you'd need to distinguish.

The words above might have been too much critic. Be sure that this is already wonderful.
Best wishes! :)
hwei1994   
Dec 1, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Exuberance' -- Common App Essay #6 Free Choice [6]

Hi Sarah,
I greatly appreciate your advice.
However would you mind my explanation?
The 'fancy' which conveys the idea of natural beauty (including chemistry as 'sorcery' of nature, coz it is the nature that determines what chemistry is all about) and 'truth' which presents the insight (that's natural too, though synthesized by human) intend to form a rational fascination for nature, and the underlying fascination extends apparant exuberance of thoughts, emotions and actions. The topic 'exuberance' concord to the characteristic of a cell, which includes double helixs of DNA. A researcher is often more than not a dreamer, and a dreamer should get his fancy realized. That might be the common sense(I guess?) and the character of reseacher/dreamer falls on me.

I understand that I'm taking sort of risk of being oblique, but I need a relevant balance between the two ideas which inner-relates and promotes each other.

The message you mentioned as 'difficult to follow'...did you mean the 3rd paragraph? Well I intended to elucidate what 'fancy' means to me and thus I wrote on two scenes; the last sentence of the 3rd para was meant to evoke a transition back to truth, the underlying. I believe this idea could be easily got according to the para:'That's the fancy from which lucid inghts could be discovered that allures me the most, and I attempted to enliven it into reality, with the truth which I'd held.' This serves as a connection.

Would this still be difficult? I'm expecting your ideas! :)
hwei1994   
Nov 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Exuberance' -- Common App Essay #6 Free Choice [6]

My Common App Essay -- appreciating your generous advice!

Exuberance

"I want to be like a single cell." said I, at a natural science class when my teacher asked for the creature to make an analog of me, "It seems simply fresh and alive, but it has an elegant and metamorphic structure; it is ephemeral, compared with the globe, while it keeps transforming, duplicating, covering all around with the most exuberant power."

Wide spread in natural science, my interests once granted me with the label as "versatile", merging physics, astronomy, biology, geology, environs--and the most, chemistry. Totally fascinated, I considered it as the sorcery of nature. Ever since, my vitality kept flaming: either libraries or labs had my marks of figures; I learned, questioned and affirmed, and in a desirable return, I could have a view of the living magic created by tubes and chemicals. Once I even rushed, with an extra-size lab-coat, heavy-and-muggy boots and partly-worn gloves, to class--a performing course--so I told about my "fashion" vividly and made another fun, then kept rambling in the mysterious world with inspirational, changeful imaginations with unextinguished sparkles. And I again engaged myself in labs, again learning, questioning and affirming, in alacrity.

"Oh, dear, your DNA must be composed of convoluted polymers named fancy and truth." said my teacher. Yep; I loved envisioning the splendid view I had kept in memory since absorbed in photography; I enjoyed the scenery revolving ever in daydreams at a sunset on the coast side; for the chemicals as if invoked to act by wizards but also certified to react by founded properties, things were even more alluring since I could grasp the underlying and have a lucid insight.

Thus I was going to bring about the integration. I studied the "sorcery", the visual effects of chemical reactions, and tried to deliver a selection of them in a flowing show. At first the abundant types of reactions dazzled my eyes as I could not make an aesthetic interlock; fortunately, I got a finesse. I asked for electrolysis to evoke the reactions, and used knowledge about materials and apparatus--electrodes, batteries, glass, graphite, PET & PEDOT--to build a special equipment by which one could move a electric-transmissive brush at will to switch on or off any unitary electrolysis baths arrayed in lines and rows with thin bulkheads, whereby the colors of pH indicators in solutions varied in control and only water and electricity was consumed. After operation when units accorded to the landscape, the pictures on the water-made screen--once a symbol, a flow of waves, then the image of laurels along a lake--seemed a reunion of scenes hosted by water. The series of scenes exulted as the water vibrated, recalling me of all the imaginations drawing near to reality.

"Yeah. I love them both." I exhibited my live-scenery show in lab suit, and found the integration influencing my thoughts and pursuits, exerting the exuberance of inspirations like a blossom which derived from a single cell with double helix. A thirsty dreamer seeking for truth. An imaginative researcher enlivening his fancy.

Thank you in advance!
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