aripeters17
Jan 3, 2012
Grammar, Usage / (With the help of her brother,..) comma placement in this sentence [6]
It is correct the way you originally posted it. :)
It is correct the way you originally posted it. :)
aripeters17
Jan 3, 2012
Undergraduate / U Chicago-- Third thing between living and dreaming [2]
Spanish poet Antonio Machado wrote, 'Between living and dreaming there is a third thing. Guess it.' Give us your guess.
Lucid dreaming is a phenomenon that occurs when one realizes they are dreaming, but does not wake up. It then becomes possible for the dreamer to control the dream, and therefore do anything they can possibly imagine. I believe art is the equivalent of lucid dreaming for people when they are awake. Without art, life is bleak at best. But with it, living turns into a mystical quest full of adventure and a roller coaster of emotions. I use art as a general term, because each person on this Earth has their own personal taste, and is affected by different things. Some people are moved my music, whereas others prefer movies or paintings.
Scientists relate lucid dreaming to out of body experiences. In a way, art is also a constant out of body experience. Certain art can take us out of our bodies and our strict self-realities to another place entirely. That is why art is the third thing between living and dreaming. It creates an impenetrable bond between the world of our dreams and fantasies and the world of the living. Many artists would have no inspiration for their work if it weren't for their imagination; but would have no imagination if it weren't for art. So you see, there is an undeniable cycle between real and the make-believe that can only be made sense of by interpretation. This interpretation is all art as we know it.
Some people connect art to beauty, but they could not be more wrong. Not all in life is beautiful, not even our dreams. There is bound to be the occasional nightmare, and with it, the occasional frightening masterpiece. I define art as something that causes emotion without actual interaction. From time to time, real art will inspire doubt or fear within its audience. That's because we are all s terrified of change and the unknown. Since dreams are caused by the actions of the subconscious part of our brain, what we dream is always unknown, and often unexpected. So it is only natural that sometimes art arouses the same feelings while we are awake, especially if it is the true link between the harsh lines of reality and the blurred outlines of our dreams.
I would argue that reality is truly the blurred picture-we never fully understand anything about it. If that is the case, art is a pair of glasses that helps us to see things for what they are. Not only that, but art is a two-way path between our ethereal imagination and our banal "awake" existence. Without it, we all fumble about in the dark looking for a light switch we will never find.
Spanish poet Antonio Machado wrote, 'Between living and dreaming there is a third thing. Guess it.' Give us your guess.
Lucid dreaming is a phenomenon that occurs when one realizes they are dreaming, but does not wake up. It then becomes possible for the dreamer to control the dream, and therefore do anything they can possibly imagine. I believe art is the equivalent of lucid dreaming for people when they are awake. Without art, life is bleak at best. But with it, living turns into a mystical quest full of adventure and a roller coaster of emotions. I use art as a general term, because each person on this Earth has their own personal taste, and is affected by different things. Some people are moved my music, whereas others prefer movies or paintings.
Scientists relate lucid dreaming to out of body experiences. In a way, art is also a constant out of body experience. Certain art can take us out of our bodies and our strict self-realities to another place entirely. That is why art is the third thing between living and dreaming. It creates an impenetrable bond between the world of our dreams and fantasies and the world of the living. Many artists would have no inspiration for their work if it weren't for their imagination; but would have no imagination if it weren't for art. So you see, there is an undeniable cycle between real and the make-believe that can only be made sense of by interpretation. This interpretation is all art as we know it.
Some people connect art to beauty, but they could not be more wrong. Not all in life is beautiful, not even our dreams. There is bound to be the occasional nightmare, and with it, the occasional frightening masterpiece. I define art as something that causes emotion without actual interaction. From time to time, real art will inspire doubt or fear within its audience. That's because we are all s terrified of change and the unknown. Since dreams are caused by the actions of the subconscious part of our brain, what we dream is always unknown, and often unexpected. So it is only natural that sometimes art arouses the same feelings while we are awake, especially if it is the true link between the harsh lines of reality and the blurred outlines of our dreams.
I would argue that reality is truly the blurred picture-we never fully understand anything about it. If that is the case, art is a pair of glasses that helps us to see things for what they are. Not only that, but art is a two-way path between our ethereal imagination and our banal "awake" existence. Without it, we all fumble about in the dark looking for a light switch we will never find.
aripeters17
Jan 2, 2012
Undergraduate / 'getting a distinction in both courses' - Meliora [6]
For me, changing from being a such a technical thinking individual to being more well-rounded was a great achievement."
"I knew it would be an uphill battle with exams looming within a year, so I made a plan."
Change to "I felt lost at the start of the term, wondering how I was ever going to pass these examinations on my own."
Other than that, good job!!
To me, from being such a technical thinking individual to being more all rounded, was a great achievement.
For me, changing from being a such a technical thinking individual to being more well-rounded was a great achievement."
I knew that it would be an uphill battle for with exams looming within a year, I made a plan.
"I knew it would be an uphill battle with exams looming within a year, so I made a plan."
I felt lost at the start of the term wondering, how I was ever going to pass these examination on my own.
Change to "I felt lost at the start of the term, wondering how I was ever going to pass these examinations on my own."
Other than that, good job!!
aripeters17
Jan 2, 2012
Undergraduate / 'experience a whole different culture' - Why I want to attend UChicago Essay [NEW]
Please help!!! Be brutal with your corrections. :) Thanks in advance!
Many people know the University of Chicago for its outstanding academic programs. Even though those are very important, they aren't the only reason I want to go there. First of all, the location is absolutely to die for. Chicago is the third biggest city in the entire country and full of surprises. Chicago boasts one of the country's most diverse communities; there is somewhere for every single person to thrive. No matter if you're looking for live music and shows, amazing shopping, unique restaurants, or intellectual adventure, Chicago's got it covered. Another reason I believe the University of Chicago is a perfect fit for me is because it is a school completely unlike any other I have ever looked at. Every letter I have ever received from the university proves that point. Lucky for me, I am completely unlike any other student. Instead of taking the ordinary route to solve a problem, I use the ways that make complete sense to me, even if they are somewhat unusual. I plan on using my unconventional way of thinking to find new answers to old questions. Innovation is what makes the world go round, and the University not only encourages new ideas, but inspires them.
I am positive that I will be able to find my niche within the U Chicago community, especially since it hosts both a world-renowned science department and a fantastic music department. It is extremely difficult to find a school that has both in the same place, but I am so glad I did. I am also thrilled that U Chicago has an amazing study abroad program. It is a dream of mine to travel the world, and it would be absolutely fantastic to get a start on that in college. Not only will I be able to experience a whole different culture, but I will be able to spread my ideas throughout the world, and in return be enlightened about new ones. It is no secret that many of the world's geniuses have been affiliated with the University of Chicago in one way or another, and I aspire to someday become one of that number.
Please help!!! Be brutal with your corrections. :) Thanks in advance!
Many people know the University of Chicago for its outstanding academic programs. Even though those are very important, they aren't the only reason I want to go there. First of all, the location is absolutely to die for. Chicago is the third biggest city in the entire country and full of surprises. Chicago boasts one of the country's most diverse communities; there is somewhere for every single person to thrive. No matter if you're looking for live music and shows, amazing shopping, unique restaurants, or intellectual adventure, Chicago's got it covered. Another reason I believe the University of Chicago is a perfect fit for me is because it is a school completely unlike any other I have ever looked at. Every letter I have ever received from the university proves that point. Lucky for me, I am completely unlike any other student. Instead of taking the ordinary route to solve a problem, I use the ways that make complete sense to me, even if they are somewhat unusual. I plan on using my unconventional way of thinking to find new answers to old questions. Innovation is what makes the world go round, and the University not only encourages new ideas, but inspires them.
I am positive that I will be able to find my niche within the U Chicago community, especially since it hosts both a world-renowned science department and a fantastic music department. It is extremely difficult to find a school that has both in the same place, but I am so glad I did. I am also thrilled that U Chicago has an amazing study abroad program. It is a dream of mine to travel the world, and it would be absolutely fantastic to get a start on that in college. Not only will I be able to experience a whole different culture, but I will be able to spread my ideas throughout the world, and in return be enlightened about new ones. It is no secret that many of the world's geniuses have been affiliated with the University of Chicago in one way or another, and I aspire to someday become one of that number.
aripeters17
Nov 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'The job of a babysitter ' - common app; work experience [3]
When you say "the opposite is also true" it makes it sound like you also DON'T have an affection for children.
I see my job not just as child care, but as a way of making them learn new things, and helping them grow. Actually put the subject in instead of "Them" because the thems can be confusing... :)
When you say "the opposite is also true" it makes it sound like you also DON'T have an affection for children.
I see my job not just as child care, but as a way of making them learn new things, and helping them grow. Actually put the subject in instead of "Them" because the thems can be confusing... :)
aripeters17
Nov 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the country of my ancestors: Cuba' -my college essay [2]
During my stay, I felt completely welcomed .
government should not be capitalized.
Not one day passed without be called "mi amor" or "mi vida" by complete strangers. --> Not one day passed without complete strangers calling me "mi amor" or "mi vida."
These hitchhikers were just normal people, too poor to afford even a bike, who desperately needed to get to their work .
That kind, gracious welcoming attitude extended to me even though I am American.
Back here in America, I had always found myself turning on the television as the night neared, unaware that the most incredible live entertainment was right in my backyard: nature.
I find myself outside more after my visit; in fact, I wrote this entire paper on my front lawn.
Although I do love film and television, I now realize it is important to occasionally step outside and enjoy Earth.
Other than those few small errors, your essay was a joy to read! It was fresh, unique, and very sincere. I'm sure the college admissions officers will love it. :)
During my stay, I felt completely welcome
government should not be capitalized.
Not one day passed without be called "mi amor" or "mi vida" by complete strangers. --> Not one day passed without complete strangers calling me "mi amor" or "mi vida."
These hitchhikers were just normal people, too poor to afford even a bike, who desperately needed to get to their work .
That kind, gracious welcoming attitude extended to me even though I am American.
I find myself outside more after my visit; in fact, I wrote this entire paper on my front lawn.
Although I do love film and television, I now realize it is important to occasionally step outside and enjoy Earth.
Other than those few small errors, your essay was a joy to read! It was fresh, unique, and very sincere. I'm sure the college admissions officers will love it. :)
aripeters17
Nov 30, 2011
Undergraduate / Jewish French American background - UCF how my culture has influenced me [2]
I was raised by two parents from totally different backgrounds, but their traditions, beliefs and ways soon integrated as one.
My mother is from France and my father is from New York and both of their cultures are incorporated in my everyday life.
Since I was little, I attended a French school and learned to speak French fluently, as well as write and read it.
This was all because my mother did not want me to miss out on such a beautiful language and culture.
I also got the opportunity to live in South of France for my 11th grade year. This was an unbelievable experience .
I carry the French culture everywhere I go. S peaking the language allows me to communicate with other French speakers and share my knowledge of the French culture.
Catholic should be capitalized!
I was raised by two parents from totally different backgrounds, but their traditions, beliefs and ways soon integrated as one.
My mother is from France and my father is from New York and both of their cultures are incorporated in my everyday life.
Since I was little, I attended a French school and learned to speak French fluently, as well as write and read it.
This was all because my mother did not want me to miss out on such a beautiful language and culture.
I also got the opportunity to live in South of France for my 11th grade year. This was an unbelievable experience .
I carry the French culture everywhere I go. S peaking the language allows me to communicate with other French speakers and share my knowledge of the French culture.
Catholic should be capitalized!
aripeters17
Nov 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'it was just another day in middle school' - Stanford vitality [2]
Stanford supplement essay prompt: Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea of experience that has been important to your intellectual development.
Any opinions help! Thank you!
I remember the day clearly. My teacher, Mrs. Wiens, stood at the front of the classroom, waiting for all of her students to quiet down. I was sitting in seventh grade science class, surrounded by chatting pre-teens who were apparently oblivious to my teacher's attempts to get the class's attention. In other words, it was just another day in middle school. That is, for everyone else in my class. That was the day we began learning about cells.
Before that day, I had a fundamental understanding of what cells were. But once Mrs. Wiens began to teach the class about how these miraculous tiny bodies worked, my understanding completely changed. That, in fact, was the precise day I began thinking about becoming a doctor. The human body had always been of interest to me, but now that I had learned the driving force of the body and all of its functions, I was absolutely enthralled.
From that point on, my fascination with the human body grew into a passion. The more I learned, the more I wanted to learn. Since then, I have signed up for as many science classes as I possibly could. I have studied and researched and persevered through even the most difficult courses, all with the main intention of getting the most out of my education so I could make my dream of becoming a doctor a reality.
Learning about cells was only the beginning. But, without that idea, my interest in medicine may never have been discovered. Once high school began, I fully immersed myself in my work, and downright refused to give up, even when I felt discouraged. If I hadn't come across my passion for science, I would not be the same person, intellectually and academically. For everyone else, that science lesson that introduced the idea of cells was just another lesson. For me, it was the start to a future full of hard work, dedication, and most of all, promise.
Stanford supplement essay prompt: Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea of experience that has been important to your intellectual development.
Any opinions help! Thank you!
I remember the day clearly. My teacher, Mrs. Wiens, stood at the front of the classroom, waiting for all of her students to quiet down. I was sitting in seventh grade science class, surrounded by chatting pre-teens who were apparently oblivious to my teacher's attempts to get the class's attention. In other words, it was just another day in middle school. That is, for everyone else in my class. That was the day we began learning about cells.
Before that day, I had a fundamental understanding of what cells were. But once Mrs. Wiens began to teach the class about how these miraculous tiny bodies worked, my understanding completely changed. That, in fact, was the precise day I began thinking about becoming a doctor. The human body had always been of interest to me, but now that I had learned the driving force of the body and all of its functions, I was absolutely enthralled.
From that point on, my fascination with the human body grew into a passion. The more I learned, the more I wanted to learn. Since then, I have signed up for as many science classes as I possibly could. I have studied and researched and persevered through even the most difficult courses, all with the main intention of getting the most out of my education so I could make my dream of becoming a doctor a reality.
Learning about cells was only the beginning. But, without that idea, my interest in medicine may never have been discovered. Once high school began, I fully immersed myself in my work, and downright refused to give up, even when I felt discouraged. If I hadn't come across my passion for science, I would not be the same person, intellectually and academically. For everyone else, that science lesson that introduced the idea of cells was just another lesson. For me, it was the start to a future full of hard work, dedication, and most of all, promise.
aripeters17
Nov 30, 2011
Undergraduate / UC Prompt #2 - Coding [6]
I didn't know the online community could be so harsh with its criticism.
As the responses rolled in, I felt like crawling in a hole.
...within minutes all of my allusions were destroyed. Word choice, allusion seems a bit awkward.
I am appreciative of the harsh criticism the Garry's Mod community gave me on my early work.
I am reminded that I still have more to offer and I start on my next project. The last part is a little confusing, consider rewording.
Other than those few small things, your essay was truly great! It was refreshing to see something so unique, and I'm sure the admissions committee will love it!
Please help me with mine?? :)
I didn't know the online community could be so harsh with its criticism.
As the responses rolled in, I felt like crawling in a hole.
...within minutes all of my allusions were destroyed. Word choice, allusion seems a bit awkward.
I am appreciative of the harsh criticism the Garry's Mod community gave me on my early work.
I am reminded that I still have more to offer and I start on my next project. The last part is a little confusing, consider rewording.
Other than those few small things, your essay was truly great! It was refreshing to see something so unique, and I'm sure the admissions committee will love it!
Please help me with mine?? :)
aripeters17
Nov 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a very talkative and friendly person' - Dear Future Roommate [4]
Dear Future Roommate,
I'd like to start out this letter by saying I'm truly excited to meet you! Before we meet, I will share with you a few facts about myself.
First of all, I love listening to music. I always have music playing, even if it is only background noise when I'm studying or reading. Since my musical taste is so diverse, I'm sure we can find music that we both enjoy! I am definitely more of a night owl than a morning person, so don't be too surprised if I don't wake up before 9, unless I absolutely have to. Reading is my favorite pastime, and there are constantly stacks of books next to my bed. Aside from the occasional overflow of literature, I try to keep my things organized.
I have an unusual sense of humor, and I laugh very easily. I find that laughter is contagious, even when nothing particularly funny has happened. When I can't sleep, I like to watch crime shows, such as CSI or NCIS. Sometimes I like to dance around the room for no reason, and I sincerely hope you will feel comfortable joining in! I rarely get frustrated, but when I do, I vent in French. One of my finest qualities (if I do say so myself) is my ability to reserve judgment. I'm a great listener, and I always keep other people's secrets. My closest relationship is with my little brother, who I would do anything for.
Even though I live in a small town, I am a city girl at heart. Traveling is one of my passions. One of my largest goals in life is to travel to every continent at least once. I also hope to study abroad at some point.
As far as academics go, science is my favorite subject, but I'm pretty good at English too. I like to try new things, so I may take some unusual electives. I am planning on going to medical school, so I will always have work to do! But, no matter how busy I am, I make time to have fun!
Finally, I am a very talkative and friendly person, and I absolutely adore meeting new people! I'm positive that we will get along great!
Sincerely,
Arianna
Opinions and advice are appreciated! :)
Dear Future Roommate,
I'd like to start out this letter by saying I'm truly excited to meet you! Before we meet, I will share with you a few facts about myself.
First of all, I love listening to music. I always have music playing, even if it is only background noise when I'm studying or reading. Since my musical taste is so diverse, I'm sure we can find music that we both enjoy! I am definitely more of a night owl than a morning person, so don't be too surprised if I don't wake up before 9, unless I absolutely have to. Reading is my favorite pastime, and there are constantly stacks of books next to my bed. Aside from the occasional overflow of literature, I try to keep my things organized.
I have an unusual sense of humor, and I laugh very easily. I find that laughter is contagious, even when nothing particularly funny has happened. When I can't sleep, I like to watch crime shows, such as CSI or NCIS. Sometimes I like to dance around the room for no reason, and I sincerely hope you will feel comfortable joining in! I rarely get frustrated, but when I do, I vent in French. One of my finest qualities (if I do say so myself) is my ability to reserve judgment. I'm a great listener, and I always keep other people's secrets. My closest relationship is with my little brother, who I would do anything for.
Even though I live in a small town, I am a city girl at heart. Traveling is one of my passions. One of my largest goals in life is to travel to every continent at least once. I also hope to study abroad at some point.
As far as academics go, science is my favorite subject, but I'm pretty good at English too. I like to try new things, so I may take some unusual electives. I am planning on going to medical school, so I will always have work to do! But, no matter how busy I am, I make time to have fun!
Finally, I am a very talkative and friendly person, and I absolutely adore meeting new people! I'm positive that we will get along great!
Sincerely,
Arianna
Opinions and advice are appreciated! :)
aripeters17
Nov 30, 2011
Undergraduate / SAIC Personal Statement / My Art Is Human [4]
Your essay is so good!! (I read the 3rd draft) Your analogy about your art being human was amazing, and I really enjoyed reading about it. There was only one small thing I would change: "While I do believe aesthetics is are a factor in my work..."
Your essay is so good!! (I read the 3rd draft) Your analogy about your art being human was amazing, and I really enjoyed reading about it. There was only one small thing I would change: "While I do believe aesthetics is are a factor in my work..."
aripeters17
Nov 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the mechanics and the science' - USC Short Answer Essay [3]
Wow this is really great! I like how you were familiar with a lot of the programs that USC offers. It shows that you are truly interested in going there. Even though your essay is definitely on the long side, you didn't put any "filler" or "fluff" sentences. You made every word count, which is important! If you feel uncomfortable with the length, maybe just take a few sentences out. But I really enjoyed reading it!
Answer mine? :)
Wow this is really great! I like how you were familiar with a lot of the programs that USC offers. It shows that you are truly interested in going there. Even though your essay is definitely on the long side, you didn't put any "filler" or "fluff" sentences. You made every word count, which is important! If you feel uncomfortable with the length, maybe just take a few sentences out. But I really enjoyed reading it!
Answer mine? :)
aripeters17
Nov 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Center for Talented Youth' - Common App - how a summer camp changed my life [8]
Really great essay! Only one thing that I would change. Instead of saying "there, I learned how to make friendship bracelets; there I learned how to cloud watch; there I watched the sunrise with my best friends." I would say "there, I watched the sunrise with my best friends, watched the clouds, and learned how to make frienship bracelets."
Really great essay! Only one thing that I would change. Instead of saying "there, I learned how to make friendship bracelets; there I learned how to cloud watch; there I watched the sunrise with my best friends." I would say "there, I watched the sunrise with my best friends, watched the clouds, and learned how to make frienship bracelets."
aripeters17
Nov 30, 2011
Undergraduate / I am a cliche [9]
I really enjoyed this essay! There was just one small thing that I think you should change. At the end, you wrote "Though far and long, we shall wither the journey together." Instead of wither, it should say weather. Other than that, it was a great essay!
I really enjoyed this essay! There was just one small thing that I think you should change. At the end, you wrote "Though far and long, we shall wither the journey together." Instead of wither, it should say weather. Other than that, it was a great essay!
