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Posts by littlebutterfly
Joined: Dec 1, 2011
Last Post: Jan 11, 2012
Threads: 4
Posts: 5  

From: China

Displayed posts: 9
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littlebutterfly   
Jan 11, 2012
Undergraduate / My RBL group-- Umich essay: community [2]

Essay of University of Michigan: Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (No more than 250 words)

Any comment, critique, or suggestion would be appreciated :)

The group research-based learning(RBL) group in my school can always get students who share the same interest together. In my first year of high school, I set up one and all the members in group shared a same interest--creating and inventing things. I spent four happy years in this group and we called ourselves: RBLer.

We discussed how to turn trash into beautiful artwork, how to transform a chair into a table within seconds, and even how to raise fish in toilet tank. We designed and drew the sketching together, and finally made all these ideas come true. At first, we did all these because of our interests in designing and creating, but then we found that all our ideas could not only bring fun to us, but also bring convenince and improvement to other people's lives. Our "trash artwork" exhibits aroused public attention of recycling resources, the invention of "Chair Transformer" removed the worry about lack of chairs or tables, and the idea of raising fish in toilet tank simplified the water changes and made the use of the waste water by flushing the toilet. Seeing our creations becomes helpful in other people's lives, everyone in this group must be so proud to be a RBLer.
littlebutterfly   
Jan 11, 2012
Undergraduate / 'dynamic and warm community' - Why did you choose to apply to UCF? [2]

UCF seemed to me as a dynamic and warm community. In fact, the endless activities and clubs held within the campus mademake me feel that there wasis a space for me in this big family. I immediately recognized my spot after finding that UCF had a Robotics Club. Along with the club, the Electrical and Computer Science faculty's webpage showcased many of the projects that were being runwere running.

In the end, I have come to realize that attending UCF might be my best shot into fulfillingto fulfill my academic expectations

You can ask your English teacher for more grammar help :)
littlebutterfly   
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / a memorable moment -- UIUC essay: some interest or experience of you [3]

UIUC essay: In no more than 300 words, tell us something about yourself that isn't covered else where in this application, some interest or experience of yours that you think the University of Illinois should know about as part of the admission review.

Any comment, critique, or suggestion would be appreciated :)

"Hey, look at your post-it note; it falls off the wall again!" I said to my cousin Ting, pointing at the note that is lying on the floor.

"Like always." She sounded frustrated.
Then when I saw two paper clips on the tableļ¼Œan idea struck me. I twisted one paper clip into something that can stand on the table, and then put the other paper clip on the top of the twisted one, so that the note could be fastened with the help of just two paper clips. After I finished it, I saw a surprising and satisfying smile on Ting's face.

It was a memorable moment for me when this smile appeared. It made me realize my hobby of making and creating things could not only bring fun to me, but also bring convenience and happiness to other people's lives. I like the smiles which appear on the people who I helped with. These smiles made me what I had done meaningful. Ever since I saw that memorable smile, I have tried everything I could to make that kind of smile reappear on other people's faces. Seeing the covers of some tumblers with hot water jacked up by the hot steam inside and hurt people, I invented a new cup to solve it. Noticing that the strings of Chinese lute can be easily snapped when someone tunes it and cause players to get injured, I designed a tuning device to prevent such accident. I do not really care about the honors and rewards I have received because of these inventions, but I do care if other people truly benefit from what I have done, and their smiles will be the best rewards for me.
littlebutterfly   
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Leaving the Marine Corps' - Statement of Purpose, Electrical Engineering Major [4]

You really response to the question well. But I think you can make your essay more intriguing and toughing by adding more detailed information about your examples and stories. And the second paragraph about how you fell in love electrical engineering is a bit weak, I am sure admission officers wanna know more about why you like and choose this major just like I do.
littlebutterfly   
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / 'future is the main issue' - stanford ... what matters to u & y ? [19]

I really like your style, the way you make your point. But i think your response to the question is a bit blur. I am not sure what is matter to you after I read the whole essay. Is it the personal achievement, social progress ,or the usage of nuclear weapon? I am confused.
littlebutterfly   
Dec 21, 2011
Undergraduate / 'grandpa's obsession with manual labor' - UIUC: past circumstances and experiences [2]

UIUC essay: How have your past circumstances and experiences(such as your upbringing, community, and/or activities) impacted who you are, your future goals, and your choice of major?(no more than 300 words)

Any comment, critique, and suggestion would be appreciated :)

Grandpa has a magical hands that can seem to make everything he wants. He painted his own house, made a chair with my name carved on it, and wove reeds into a beautiful basket.

Seeing my grandpa's obsession with manual labor, I wanted to try DIY and know how it feel like. At first, I just followed the instruction on the book and made some simple stuff, like a wooden box. But grandpa told me to drop that book, he said"It will only limit your idea." I did so, although I did not quite understand why at that time. Without drawing and instruction on the book, I had to design and create things on my own, which then I found was the most exciteing part of DIY. When I built a bookshelf with wavy surface to increase its wight capacity, and designed a box which I put my headset in without making the wires so twisted, I felt happy and satisfied I had never felt before.

Grandpa encouraged me to learn things by hands. He once took apart a watch to show me how it works. I still remembered how shocked I was when he opened up the cover of the watch. I saw a quartz in it pulsing like a human heart, powering the gear train rhythmically, and finally moving the watch hands. The sophistication and elaboration of this seemingly common machine interested me and I was dying to explore more. As I tried to figure out how things work by my hands, I fell in love with many delicate machines and instruments. Because my interests in machine, and manual work, it will be very exciting if I can study mechanical engineering at University of Illinois. And I believe grandpa will be very happy to see it.
littlebutterfly   
Dec 1, 2011
Undergraduate / 'memories of my father in my life' - UCF personal experiences [2]

I like the whole essay. It is moved and intriguing. But the transition into the final paragraph is weak. Try to make it more logical and smooth.

Hope it helpful :)

Would you like to help with my essay? Thanks a lot.
littlebutterfly   
Dec 1, 2011
Undergraduate / 'leading the research-based learning(RBL)' - Georgia Tech an extracurricular activity [2]

Any comment, critique, or suggestion is much appreciated :)

Among all the activities I have participate in, leading the research-based learning(RBL) group in high school is the most rewarding one. Our research group has made many achievements, including three national patents and two innovation contest rewards. However, what RBL has brought to me is not just confined to these rewards; I also learned many important things.

The first thing I learn from this group is how to cooperate with other people efficiently. In the beginning of my group experience, I made a mistake: listening opinions of others with my own preconceived ideas, which caused my failure to consider suggestions objectively. This mistake was pointed out by the member Chutian. Thanks to him, I realized that I could truly benefit from other people's opinions, only after I had put my own preconceived ideas aside.

The other thing that made me impressive was the distance between practice and theory in research. when we finally put our plan which was discussed repeatedly by us into practice, we still found several design defects, which made me realized that those theoretically practical things can not be called "practical" until they are tested by practice.

Meeting and knowing the whole group, I have spent four meaningful years with them. Everyone on the group has something worth learning from. Tete's rigorous work ethic, Chutian's positive attitude, and Wulan's well-rounded skills. Working with them is an enjoyment and self-improvement. Although I will leave this wonderful group soon, my RBL experience will remain in my memory.
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