Undergraduate / 'inside the Trinity Cafe' - Duke Arts and Sciences, Why Duke short essay [2]

I just wrote my supplement essay for Duke, and I would love some feedback on it. Personally, I like the way it turned out, I think, but I'm not quite sure what it says about me and if it answers the question in any sort of satisfactory way hahahaha. Help me please? Also, the prompt does say one to two paragraphs and mine is technically three, but one is only one line so it won't be an issue, will it? Thank you!

Prompt: (For Arts and Sciences Applicants Only) If you are applying to Trinity College of Arts and Sciences, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular at Duke that attracts you? Please limit your response to one or two paragraphs.

I wish I could say my reason for wanting to go to Duke was more weighty and pivotal than it is, but I won't lie. My fascination with and desire to attend Duke all started with a smoothie.

I pictured myself sitting inside the Trinity Cafe admiring the beautiful, sunny weather that so surmounted the slush my hometown was filled to bursting with in spring, sipping the most delicious smoothie I had ever had; it was mango, and exceedingly flavorful and refreshing. Beside the wondrous frozen drink, I had my biology textbook, which I was delighting in thoroughly understanding thanks to my fabulous courses. I read a chapter, delicately sipping on my smoothie to make it last as long as possible. As I finished reading and discarded my cup, I closed my textbook and took a moment to think. Natural beauty, fantastic courses and instruction, and smoothies; Duke has everything necessary for my happiness.

"Kelly!" My mom prodded my side, almost making me drop the smoothie I had been fantasizing about and bringing me back to the real world. "Are you enjoying our visit? Do you think you would enjoy it here?" An ear-to-ear grin spread on my face. "Yeah," I replied, "I think this is the perfect place for me."

Undergraduate / 'I'm a hoarder' - Tufts consider the world within- knowledge [6]

For the second short response, we asked you to consider the world around you. Now, consider the world within. Taste in music, food, and clothing can make a statement while politics, sports, religion, and ethnicity are often defining attributes. Are you a vegetarian? A poet? Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes, Mac or PC? Are you the drummer in an all-girl rock band? Do you tinker? Use the richness of your identity to frame your personal outlook.

I'll admit it myself, I'm a hoarder. A miser of the worst type. However, my hoarding is not that of the type that gets rehab and therapy for it on another ridiculous personal interest-type tv show; I hoard words and knowledge, beauty and creativity. I love to collect a new word and try to incorporate it into my lexicon for everyday use; one might call me sesquipedalian, if they knew what that meant. My heart soars when I find a new piece of knowledge in a book, whether it be on human genetics or baking cupcakes. My love for learning new things has lead me to devour almost all of the works of fiction in my school's capacious library. I also love crafting, so if I'm not reading you can often find me curled up in a voluminous armchair knitting or making jewelry. However, I do not keep these things all to myself, just collect them. Knowledge and beauty are inexhaustible; I share them with everyone I can in the hopes that they will be motivated to learn as much as they can also. My dream is that eventually, the world will be filled with fellow hoarders.

This is a very very rough draft, but i need help. I feel like i thought of this idea then kind of trailed off towards the end. Help, please? Thank you in advance!