Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by gkim2719
Joined: Dec 11, 2011
Last Post: Dec 15, 2011
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Posts: 6  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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gkim2719   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / My journey to changing the world - Common App [7]

I loved this from start to finish!
It's clear that you truly put in all your effort into this club and it's made a profound impact on your character.
You seem like a very driven and passionate person :)

Hope you can read over my common app essay?
gkim2719   
Dec 13, 2011
Undergraduate / BABSON SUPPLEMENT: together we can grow [5]

I only found a few grammatical errors but overall, nice job!

I'm sure that you must have enjoyed a very successful stint at high school and are as excited as meI am to be here.

Well, I come from a small town in India but I possess an insatiable thirst for knowledge while at the same time havingI also have a strong interest in getting to know new people.

I'm encouraged by Babson's promise to augment my skills and my character. Augment doesn't seem to be the right word here, how about nurture? or enrich?
gkim2719   
Dec 13, 2011
Undergraduate / NYU Supplement - English Exchange experience in school [5]

Such a simple and dainty piece! I really love your opening paragraph :)

You clearly sound very cultured and interested in gaining" a global experience" like you said, but I think you need to expand more on why you want to study business at NYU. To me, it sounds like you're leaning more towards a foreign studies field rather than business...
gkim2719   
Dec 13, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Living with mystery' Emerson Supplement: A moment in your life you had a realization [6]

Just a couple minor things...

Here I was, floating like a tiny feather in the sky, my mortality surrounding me, and I realized how incredibly small I amwas (use parallel verb tenses)

My world often consists of the two-foot radius around me. < This is kind of confusing, what is this two-foot radius you're referring to? I think your essay would sound perfectly fine without this sentence.
gkim2719   
Dec 13, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the environment I love' - Why NYU? essay question [10]

I agree with the rest of the comments-as of now, your response needs more depth in 'HOW' you'll use your strong artistic qualities at NYU/what you'll contribute to this school rather that what you like about NYU/why you love the city
gkim2719   
Dec 12, 2011
Undergraduate / Common App - The catastrophic Japan Earthquake [9]

I say yay, the sentences give the reader a sense of being pulled into the story more and it's a good dramatic touch, but just change the first sentence, "Cars being tossed around like toys..." to "Cars were tossed around like toys"-it sounds less awkward and fragmented