Undergraduate / 'Monique and me smiling on the front page' - Columbia, Rice, UChicago, Harvard, Brown [9]

This is my main common application essay. I chose to write about an ethical dilemma and its impact on me. I really need help because the deadline is approaching. I still don't know if this essay cuts it. Please comment on everything from content to grammar. I appreciate all help and criticisms! Thank you!

Whenever I used to read about fictional and real-life tragic heroes, the fatal character flaws always seemed obvious and avoidable. It was easy to say I would have done the right thing. However, I did not realize my naiveté until one of my "beliefs" was tested.

Halfway through my junior basketball season, The Atlanta Chronicle featured Monique and me smiling on the front page of the "Athlete Spotlight" section. The article reads, "Best friends and long-time teammates complement each other and lead their team to victories." However, behind the smiles, the once flourishing relationship was deteriorating.

Before the season, we were excited about having a successful year and attracting college scouts. For years, we had been good friends who always worked together. But that year, she began to compete more against me than our opponents to gain attention from scouts. She would force up low probability shots at the expense of the team.

I always valued teamwork, but Monique was causing my statistics to drop. Consequently, I was tempted to focus on my own scoring. I continued to pass her the ball without reciprocity, but tensions were intensifying.

Monique's play was also team debilitating. Others grumbled and began to play more individually. I had to decide whether to play for myself, do nothing, or really address the situation. Teamwork is imperative to winning, and winning is most important to me. So, as point guard and captain, not attempting to remedy the situation would have been a failure of leadership. I was reluctant because addressing conflicts can be intimidating, especially with a friend. Finally, I decided to confront Monique and attempt to regain successful teamwork.

We talked privately, but our conversations were only partially effective. She seemed to understand, but never adjusted her play. After losing to a beatable team by twenty points, teammates complained to me about Monique. The team was on the verge of collapse. I was extremely frustrated, but I cared too much about the team to give up.

So, I tried harder. Before our next game, I delivered a speech. First, I encouraged the team to play calmly and confidently since we had gotten down early in the last few games. Then, I praised each individual. I told one of our forwards how she could help us by enforcing her great strength in the paint. I told Monique she was an exceptional player and asked her to be patient and take open shots. I encouraged her to work the ball around until she or someone else could get a quality shot. I concluded by emphasizing smart play, hustle, communication, and teamwork. My comments were well received, and we played an excellent game. Although we lost by three points, the game was a progression because teamwork was not our limiting factor.

Monique never completely came around, but our team did finish strong and we made the state play-offs. Notwithstanding this success, I feel regret when I think about how much better our team could have been if we had truly worked together.

My mom counted down from three as Monique and I were flaunting our ten and under league championship trophies. I'm glad my mom captured that moment and countless others of us, so I can always hold onto the good memories. As for the bad memories, I have forgiven Monique, and we are still friends, but, unfortunately, less than we once were.

Asserting my belief in teamwork was more difficult than I had imagined, and, to some, the choices I made probably seem straightforward. Still, now, I am more forgiving, and sympathize for those who err and are then torn to shreds. I have learned that many of my beliefs are only ideologies because they have not yet been sufficiently tested. For, the only way to validate a belief is to carry it out even at the expense of individual ambition. I confirmed my belief in teamwork by resisting the urge to play selfishly and working to improve team collaboration. This commitment is valuable because I will be a part of many groups throughout college and life.

Undergraduate / 'Best friends and long-time teammates' - Commonapp - Ethical Dilemma [3]

This is for the main common application essay. I chose to write about an ethical dilemma. I do not know if this essay cuts it. I would appreciate all comments and help! Thank you very much!

Halfway through my junior basketball season, The Atlanta Chronicle featured Monique and me smiling on the front page of the "Athlete Spotlight" section. The article reads, "Best friends and long-time teammates complement each other and lead their team to victories." The headline, however, was as superficial as the ink it was written in. Beyond the smiles, the once flourishing relationship, on and off the court, was degrading into a dysfunctional dilemma.

The headline would have been accurate before the season when we were excited about the prospects of a successful year and attracting college scouts. For more than ten years, we had been best of friends who demonstrated teamwork. But that season, she began to compete more against me than our opponents. In order to gain attention from scouts, she fixated on scoring at the expense of our team's play. Off the court, she became very distant. She would rarely greet me in school hallways and did not seem to enjoy my company. In addition, her once welcoming family began hunting me down after games to accuse me of selfish play. They would also complain that I needed to pass to Monique more. I did not understand their reasoning because Monique was already taking more shots than any two players combined. The whole situation made me very sad. I hated controversy and the thought of losing a friend.

Putting personal issues aside, Monique's play presented a predicament for the team. I had been the point guard and on court leader for three years. I had dealt with adversity before, but I had never faced such a team debilitating issue. I was not immune to the same selfish instincts as Monique because I loved basketball and put so much work into it. I wanted a reward for practicing four hours a day, and I, too, aspired to attract scouts and play at the college level. I had to decide whether to retaliate by focusing on my own scoring, or take on the task of confronting Monique and attempting to regain successful teamwork.

Playing selfishly would have only increased tensions and contradicted my values. Teamwork is imperative, and individual goals are subordinate to the collective good. Avoiding the problem would have been easiest, but not attempting to remedy the situation would have been a cowardly failure of leadership. After thorough introspection, I decided to take a stand.

I tried talking to Monique privately, but our conversations were only partially effective. After our worst effort of the season, teammates complained to me about Monique, and my frustration had reached its apex. I needed to try harder to make a change. The next night, I delivered a speech to the team before our game. I tried to speak as passionately as possible while maintaining a positive message. First, I encouraged the team to play calmly and confidently since we had gotten down early in the last few games. Then, I praised each individual for her strengths. I told one of our forwards how she could help us by enforcing her great strength in the paint. I told Monique she was an exceptional player and to take the open shots, but to also practice patience. I encouraged her to work the ball around until she or someone else could get an open shot. I concluded by emphasizing smart play, hustle, communication, and teamwork because these attributes would lead us to victory. My comments were well received, and we played an excellent game. Although we lost by three points, the game was a progression because Monique improved her play, and a lack of teamwork was not our limiting factor.

Soon after this game; however, Monique reverted back to forcing up shots. By that point, I thought I had given substantial effort and that only intrinsic motivation would change her play. Looking back, I should have been more blunt and honest with Monique, but, instead, I gave up and played out the season as best I could. Our team did finish with a good record and made the state play-offs. Notwithstanding this success, I feel regret when I think about how much better our team could have been if we had truly worked together.

My mom counted down from three as Monique and I paused our celebration to take a picture. We were flaunting our ten and under league championship trophies with great enthusiasm. I'm glad my mom captured that moment and countless others of Monique and me, so I can always hold onto the good memories. As for the bad memories, I have forgiven Monique, and we are still friends, but, unfortunately and inevitably, less of friends than we once were. I only hold onto this experience so I will handle future altercations better. I hope to address issues boldly with open communication.

Undergraduate / Grocery Shopping-Common Application Essay [6]

This is one possibility for my main common application essay. I picked "Topic of your choice." I don't know if it tells enough about me or has adequate meaning though. Please comment on content, grammar, style, structure, etc. I appreciate all help! Thank you!

Grocery Shopping

"Mom, this box is feeling awfully light. Please stop eating the Trix. Trix are for kids! Wait, is that Trix in Munchkin's food bowl? C'mon, we are going to run out!"

Most people are not possessive of cereal, but most people can just go to the store and buy another box.

Can grocery shopping be considered a hobby? My dad scouts out the daily coupons and goes grocery store hopping for hours picking out all the hot specials. My dad has enforced an austerity budget for the last five years or so. This budget entails that my family only buys groceries buy one get one free and we must save more than we spend. This can be a pain because the process is time consuming and, a lot of times, not surprisingly, the less desirable brands and foods are on sale. My dad usually comes home feeling accomplished. He will pull out the items one by one with a smile on his face like he just won the lottery. I guess he wants a similar reaction from me, but some of the products he brings home are unacceptable. I hate going downstairs to get breakfast and seeing a box of Great Grains. I might as well be eating the grains off a stalk.

Whenever "good food" is on sale, my dad buys in bulk. If one were to walk into our kitchen and open up a side cabinet, he would see twenty jars of peanut butter, 16 boxes of cherry pop tarts, and 12 bottles of apple juice. I don't really know what to say when my friends come over and want a snack. There is not much option, but when they see the bulk, they certainly think it's odd.

Every once in a while, Publix will support a deal that sells $50 shell gas cards for $40 if a customer spends $25 on Publix groceries. However, each customer is limited to one gift card. So, in order to stock up 20% off gas cards, my dad forces my entire family (six people) to go to Publix with him. We all are assigned different carts and groceries. We all separately check out with $25 of groceries and the shell card. So, generally, the Hendrix family only pays 80% of the regular gas price. Recently, he found out that the shell cards are unlimited per customer. All the secrecy that we were not together probably gave the staff a laugh.

My family makes fun of my dad for his grocery shopping craze. Last Christmas, I got my dad a Publix gift card. I do not completely support his relationship with Publix, but I have come to accept it. Despite an occasional bad meal, my dad has taught me a lot about spending and saving. Frugality is a good thing if not extreme. I never waste food and I think twice before sharing with my dog. More importantly, I don't buy things I don't need and I don't overspend on items I can find cheaper. I am looking forward to college because the meal plan is mandatory during freshman year at most schools, and I am sure there will at least be tasty cereal.