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Posts by arnela123
Joined: Dec 14, 2011
Last Post: Dec 15, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 13  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 15
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arnela123   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / 'career in Nursing' - reasons for choosing the specific health care career you [8]

OMG- you are amazing! how did you come up with this soo quick. :)

sounds 1000000000* better than what i wrote!!!

one moree question- would you be able to tell me how to connect the rest of my story idont know if you read it but how can i make it flow to the next paragraph. ijust cannot make it sound amazingg!
arnela123   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my energy in the classroom' - Why UPenn and what can you contribute? [6]

i like the 3rd para! very nicely writen, but i wasnt too sure about the In 1740, Benjamin Franklin founded the University of Pennsylvania, with the ingenuity to create an institution dedicated to prepare students for lives of business and public service instead of clergy. As the first of its kind, Penn is a tribute to diversity. While researching, I discovered a smorgasbord of appealing groups and ensembles. As an award-winning pianist and talented singer, I have seriously explored Jazz Combos, University Choir, and Dischord. As an older sister, I also have the patience and understanding to successfully work with children, as I have done as a piano tutor and volunteer teacher. I would be excited to be a part of West Philadelphia ctutoring, Penn Music Mentors, and other community service projects

it doesnt answer their -question.
what wil you provide for them.?. well of course as you mentioned in the 3rd paragraph you were willing to take a chance with seniors in class!
arnela123   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / Forgiveness - issue of importance to you [6]

it is a well writen essay! you deff answered what they were asking! it explains your personal issue and the significance.

All you need to do is revise your essay, which ef- susan did for you.
arnela123   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / 'career in Nursing' - reasons for choosing the specific health care career you [8]

I HAVE THE SAME QUESTION YOU CHOSE ON THE COMMON APP.

if you have the time to revise it and change it up a little bit, that would be great! i appreciate what you did enough

and yea whatever you think will sound better for the intro- it does not have to be the same! you legit saved me ! ive been working on this essay for 3 weeks now and cannot come up with anything!

i started out something like this-- Some may say anybody can be a nurse, and some say you have to be outragiously smart to be a doctor. The way I look at it is, if it is in your heart you can become anything you strongly desire. I may not be the most intellagent or a person with brilliant ideas but I know that I have a strong heart to work towards what I truly want. My intelegency will come through my experiences. There are many aims(points) to experience that will have a great impact on life. The program I have entered in my vocational high school has given me an ___experience that has made a pursuasive impact on me to even have a greater passion for nursing. (the spelling is a little rough, all im worried is how it sounds the spelling ill revise! as long as i have it down.

THANKS SOOO MUCHH!!
arnela123   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / 'career in Nursing' - reasons for choosing the specific health care career you [8]

i appreciate it, and since you have an amazinf style for writting would u be able to read my other essay please, ( patient who made a strong impact on me) ive been working on it for about 3 weeks now and cannot come up with an introduction that says "WOW" OR IT POPS OUT!

i seen you writting skills and everything just flowss perfectly and it just says wowoww all over!
arnela123   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / My journey to changing the world - Common App [7]

love your ending! you really told them who you are, nice job.
make sure you identify RRO in the beggining ebfore you use it in the 3rd parag- finally took the risk and Raiders Reaching Out (RRO)began in September 2010.
arnela123   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / "What is Life?" - Supplement Essay [4]

your a great writer! i love this essay! that will deff catch their eye, you will stand out! nice job
arnela123   
Dec 15, 2011
Undergraduate / 'career in Nursing' - reasons for choosing the specific health care career you [8]

250-word essay discussing your reasons for choosing the specific health care career you wish to pursue and why you are applying to MCPHS.<-- my question

Studying Nursing and My Future Career Paper



I want to pursue my health care career in Nursing. I always dreamed of being a nurse, because I enjoy working and caring for people. Ever since I was a little girl I carried a toy stethoscope around and havin my family be my patients. I was not like any other kid, who played with barbies and kenn. My mom even knew I was going to fall in the great path of the health care. My potential is to have the greatest affect on others who are in need of my help. Also, I chose nursing to be my health career, because I have seen the real path of nursing in the real world. Attending a vocational high school, has given me a chance to enter the health assisting program. A four year high school program has put an outrageous affect on me. I learned how to practice real health care, and to interact with patients. It was not just a peek in the doctors and nurses office. It was an experience where not many people see other than when they become a real nurse; to see what kind of responsibilities they have. I then, even had a greater chance to realize that I have the desire to pursue the nursing career in my life. I was very greatful that I had that chance to see what it is like to be in the real healh care setting. It made an impact on me to choose nursing as my health care career.

I am applying to Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences, because it is a great school to start pursuing my dreams. It is a school full of opportunities, where you are around people who have the desire in the health care career. When I first walked into this school for an open house, my jaw dropped. It is an amazing school to start my higher education. I have chosen nursing as my major because I want to expand my knowledge within this field. I am also drawn to the three year accelerted nursing program which would efficiently enable me to reach my career goal in a short time-frame. It will give me more time for opportunities in the future. I hope these next steps will be at Massachussets College of Pharmacy and Health sciences.

- please tell me how it sounds, and should i change anyting up!!!?
arnela123   
Dec 14, 2011
Writing Feedback / Ielts 'fast food is becoming more and more popular even though it's junk' [4]

i agree with ^
cut out the firstlyy secondly ect.
dont write in my view- because they gave you this essay to be in your point of view.
say something like In my view,In order to solve this problem subsidized canteens should be build and more propaganda to be spread to people about benefits of natural food.

As for me , I prefer eating in and cooking myself, but I must admit that several times I ate inat fast food restaurants because I was too hungry and had no time for cooking . As you can see, ... and balh blahh ... so on.
arnela123   
Dec 14, 2011
Undergraduate / 'cleared to leave the hospital' - Common App [3]

your first paragraph should be your intro- it doesnt seem like it is in order u jumped from one topic to another ( ur first paragraph does not flow into your second) and what is your question for the essay?
arnela123   
Dec 14, 2011
Undergraduate / patient who made a strong impact on me. [4]

Thanks!
it was my first draft and i dont know where ot go from here!!!
i need to change my intro-- it does not catch a readers eye.! not even mine ...
arnela123   
Dec 14, 2011
Undergraduate / How to write an admissions essay about Who I Am? [10]

it doesnt matter as long as it is not a page long- then you are fine but dont repeat yourself. use a thesaurus (best thing ever) to change up your words.

explain what briefly what you are going to talk about

lets say-- Ever since i was a little kid (girl, boy) my parents (unles aunts.. blah blahh) would call me ....! because... blah blah blahh.. --> why did that make u the person you are? how did that reflect on you now! (you get the picture) something that will stand out.. dont be afraid to mention bad stuff (dont be extreme) but its okay to mention bad stuff you dont want to be a bragger!!! they dont like that too much -in proportions! (you are not writing an essay for an english teacher and your afraid to write what you think) this essay is freee! write what you really think!
arnela123   
Dec 14, 2011
Undergraduate / How to write an admissions essay about Who I Am? [10]

i fell the same way!
first of start by jottting down ideas about who you are.
set up your paper- with the topic (did you learn about topic sentences)
who you are --- give examples- such as enthusiastic. maybe interesting in learning a particular thing!
ask yourself why would they want to choose you out of all other kids. what makes you stand out.
this is a great topic because you have no limitations what to write about... its about you and who you are! your activities which revolve around ur future career.

for example myself- i wanna do nursing and one of the activities i do is help out in the nursing setting. shadow the nurses and what they do.

hope this helps atleast a little.
arnela123   
Dec 14, 2011
Undergraduate / patient who made a strong impact on me. [4]

Health and Nursing / Patient Paper



The health assisting program in my high school has given me an amazing experience that made an impact on me to even have a greater passion for nursing. It is a vocational high school's most competitive program to obtain into. (to get into) Before I even knew I would enter the health assisting program, I had told myself, "even if I don't get chosen to be in this program, I still want to be a nurse and I will not let anything stand in my way in what I have passion for". Unbelievably, I had achieved my first step towards my future. I entered the program with excellent grades (GPA) at the end of my freshman year and I have stayed in the program all through the end of my senior year in high school. In the four years of the health assisting program, I managed to build great experiences at six different clinicals with my instructors and most importantly with the patients I interacted with. The experience of practicing how to provide great care and how to interact with patients has given me inspiration to be furthermore interested in nursing.

I had many experiences that led me to my achievement. As just a student in high school, I learned how to practice great quality care on elderly patients, and how to interact with patients. My experience in the hospitals and clinics as a student nurse assistant made me realize that I have a potential and desire to help people. Helping others makes me feel like I have acomplished more than enough. I was able to work with different kinds of patients and to see the challenge of hard work. I appreciated that and I always will because great accomplishments come through challanges. (or - the challanges bring great accomplishments in the end-) In which, I have made that accomplishment, because my instructors have seen the way I provide care and my way of interacting with patients has let them see that I can be a great nurse someday. At the end of my junior year in the health assisting program, I achieved an amazing certificat in what I worked hard for to earn. Now I am licenced as certified nurse assistant (CNA).

The health assisting program has made a great impact on me. It has motivated me to learn more about patient care. The program has showed me the idea of the health care in the real world. An impact that had an inspirational moment had happened in the clinical where I took care of a patient with a great belief that little help can go a long way. Everyday, I walk into her room feeling enthusiastic. I would take great and gentle care of her and after I was done she greatly would always say to me " thank you". I could not understand she would always thanked me. You ask me why I could not understand it, because she was so greatful with the care I had provided for her. I realized that just a little help to someone, can make a big difference in their life. My experince with that patient has inspired me so much to become a great nurse. I believe that cure for many of the people's ailments is not just medicine, it is the care that they recieve as patients in hospitals and their home.

I have achieved so much towards my future. I had tremendous experiences in the hospitals and clinics that made an enormous impact on me and have motivated me to be interested in the health care. The accomplishments I have achieved are leading me to the career I am about to pursue. The journey throughout this program has enormously given me more passion towards my future in nursing.
arnela123   
Dec 14, 2011
Undergraduate / "My Sister" - Common App Essay [10]

hi,
This is a great start, but try to outline your ideas on a piece of paper. It worked for me!
1st outline - your topic which should be your introduction- that will have a readers eye. briefly mention the dilemma

2nd- body paragraph 1- what is the dilemma you faced, how you felt (think deep)! Mention a quote that you will never forget!
3rd- paragraph 2- Now the impact it had on you, how it changed your world, in a better way.

conclusion: brief mention of the experience you had/ dilemma and then focus on the future. sum it all up.

hope this help, because it helped me a lot and i chose the same topic.!