Undergraduate / Lehigh supplements; non-curable disease called "supply chain-itis" [3]

Hey all! I was wondering if you guys could look through my essays and comment on them-I mostly need help with things that I should add or take away (they are both a little bit too long) and with grammar too and the flow of my words! they are rough drafts but I need all of the comments that I can get! Thanks in advance :)

2. If you founded your own college or university, what topic of study would you make mandatory for all students to study and why? What would be the values and priorities of your institution and why? (150-250 words)

In today's fast pace society, effective communication skills have become increasingly important. Not only are communication skills necessary for healthy relationships but the ability to work well with others is considered a very valuable trait among employers. In order to produce the most well rounded graduates, colleges should give students every opportunity possible to improve their interpersonal skills. A communications course would be highly beneficial for each and every college student. Keeping this in mind, each major values certain communication skills more than others. For example, a business management major would need to focus on specific communication skills more than an environmental sciences major would. This is why each student would be required to take a base-level communications class tailored to meet the needs of their major. Not only would this course give students a leg-up in today's competitive work-force but it would be useful in everyday life. Students would learn how to interact with people from different cultures, effective speech, and listening skills and most importantly how to understand and clearly communicate with other people and react in a positive manner in different types of situations.

Because my college would put a large emphasis on becoming the best person he or she can be, many community service projects would be offered and highly promoted. Service work has many positive benefits. Besides the obvious reason of helping the community, service work can also teach valuable job-related skills. We would also make sure that every student has access to a career center to help them with skills such as how to build a resume, find jobs and internships, and encourage attendance to career fairs. In addition, students would benefit from hands on experience in classes and with a small teacher to student ratio, students would be able to have a strong relationship with their professor and seek help or guidance when needed.

What unique aspect of Lehigh most interests you? (As a guideline, your response should be between 150-250 words.)

I have been infected with the non-curable disease called "supply chain-itis". Just in case you are wondering, this means that I think, I speak, and I live for supply chain management...okay, so maybe it is not that extreme but I am very passionate about it. It all started in eleventh grade when I had the opportunity to participate in the first high school level supply chain management class ever offered in the United States. From then on, I was hooked. I took both classes offered in supply chain management, and I jumped on every opportunity to work with the Penn State supply chain program and network at career fairs. I also attend field-trips such as touring the Sheetz distribution center.

Then came the impossible task of finding a medium-sized college that had a supply chain management program while still offering many clubs and volunteer work. This is what makes Lehigh truly unique. Not only does Lehigh have a supply chain program that is rated in the top twenty-five in the nation but it is also a smaller school with more of a focus on individualized student attention, which I work better in. After my campus tour in November, I took the time to walk around the business school. I knew I was at home. Each one of the students who I chatted with had positive things to say about his or her professors and that they loved the low student to teacher ratio. Lehigh is the ideal place for me to achieve my dreams and further my learning in supply chain management.

I would truly give anything to be a part of the amazing Lehigh community. Go Mountainhawks!

Undergraduate / 'our lacrosse playoff game' - Extracurricular common app essay [4]

Prompt: Elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities. It should be less than 1,000 characters. I need feedback! I was trying to explain what lacrosse has taught me in an abstract way. Thanks :)

Attitude. It's 15 minutes into the second half of our lacrosse playoff game. Though we are down by two goals, we must stay ambitious and optimistic. As a three year old team amongst a league of established teams, it is time for our hard work to pay off.

Anticipation. Tweeeeettt! The whistle blows. Time is tight and the opposing team has the ball. Pass. Catch.

Determination. My opponent races towards me. As my foot leaves the restraining line, adrenaline pumps through my veins. Her eyes are scowling with the same acuteness that is burning within my body.

Focus/Goals. We both are seeking the ball and a win. As she nears, I quickly cut her off with my body positioning.

Communication. "Help!" I yell. I know my teammate will be there in a flash for the double team. Taken by surprise, my opponent drops the ball.

Teamwork. I pick the ball up and pass it to my teammate, who runs it down the field, closer to the goal and closer to a victory.

Undergraduate / 'Gandhi's quote was true' - Common app (Influential person) [4]

This is a rough draft for my common application essay. The prompt was "Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence." I am fearing that the first paragraph about quotes is a little bit confusing when relating to the rest of the essay so if anyone has any revision ideas, please feel free to share them!! :) Thanks so much.

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
-Mohandas K. Gandhi

Quotes are a challenge. A challenge to dig deeper into the core of life, to push yourself, and to
find meaning within a jumble of letters. Three years ago, I would have disagreed. Not with the
meaning of the quote but with the complexity of Gandhi's famous words. If it weren't for my
Grandmother, I would have never found and appreciated the meaning of helping others like I do
today.

At eighty years old, my grandmother is the most independent and high functioning woman I have
ever met. I'd like to think that no one has a grandmother quite like mine. She puts all of her
energy into helping other people and unalike many, she expects nothing in return. In 2010, she
was recognized by Homeward (the planning and coordinating committee for homeless services
in the greater Richmond region) as its volunteer of the year.

At a young age, I learned that her happiness thrives on the happiness of others. I would help her
draw pictures and write letters to the two children who she sponsored through the non-profit
organization, Children of Uganda. I would spend countless hours visiting her elderly friends who
were not doing very well. Up until early adolescence it was a burden for me, for I would much
rather be playing with my cousins. Yet as I matured, I became intrigued with the way that I could
simply tell one of her friends about my seemingly bland life and it would still, somehow make
their day. It made her happy to see me making other people happy. Her generosity was slowly
working its way into my veins. It made me feel good to make someone else feel good.

At fifteen years old, my Grandmother opened up a whole new world to me. She took me with her
to the St. Paul's homeless shelter. At first, I felt timid but it took only a matter of minutes before I
was engaged in deep conversation with a few of the homeless men. Among the men was Paul,
who came to the United States in search of a better life from Russia knowing little English. And
Alex, who had a mental breakdown when his wife died and ended up losing his job at a bank. As I
talked with them, I felt my apprehensive guard melt away.

It was at this moment, that I realized community service works in both directions. Serving other
people is not a job but rather a passion. It is the love to help others unconditionally without any
selfish motives. Gandhi's quote was true, I found myself, all thanks to my Grandmother. She
taught me that no matter who you are or where you're from, you're special. Helping other people
is the essence of humanity and a little bit of kindness goes a long way. Her generosity has
inspired me to follow her footsteps and make a difference in the world.

I have already begun, one service project at a time.