Posts by nikariotz

nikariotz

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / 'jeans and T-shirts' - Common App EC short answer - Summer Service Project [4]

okay! thank you so much! i will revise probably early tomorrow. when do you need yours revised by?

nikariotz

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / 'jeans and T-shirts' - Common App EC short answer - Summer Service Project [4]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

This is about a church service project I've been doing for the past 3 years (since freshman year), where we basically go to some state in the Appalachia region (WV, VA, TN, KY) for a week and fix trailers for families, or people, who really need help.

Strangers. I'm greeted by three unfamiliar faces, my leaders. I'm taken to a large classroom, where I find out I'll be sharing my sleeping space with 20 other females. Who are they? I don't know. Some are from my church, but most are from other states. The next day, I drive to a stranger's home and awkwardly introduce myself as the teen who'll be working on his/her trailer that week.

Sweat. It's the middle of summer, but all I'm allowed to wear are jeans and T-shirts. I leave at 9 every morning and drive to my work site. As soon as I step outside, I work, work, work, and work. I hammer, nail, insulate, cut, build, sweat, eat, and repeat for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. The work gets progressively more grueling, and I become progressively more exhausted, mentally and physically.

Shared showers. At the end of the day, I'm excited to shower and feel refreshed again. But wait, I can't. All the showers are taken. I forgot that I'm at a run-down high school in the Appalachia region with those same 20 other females, all just as eager to shower as me.

Some find these conditions repulsive, but I find them exhilarating. For one week every summer, I can escape the fast-paced society and really enjoy the basics of life. The minimalist lifestyle I experience while on ASP is where I find most joy. I love connecting with people I otherwise wouldn't and I love exploring unknown and unfamiliar areas.

Character count (with spaces): 1408
I clearly need help cutting this down... A LOT!
I will return the favor for anyone who helps me edit (:

nikariotz

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / 'the Irish bagpipes music' - Common application EC:: Saint Patrick's Day Celebrati [2]

So based on this, I would've never guessed you were an international student. This is very well written, and I love how much detail you were able to include in such a limited space.

As far as corrections, I don't really have many:

"we ~~club members~~ affectionately"

I was confused by this:
"to celebrate St.Patrick's Day for the first time and raise medical funds for an orphan with a cleft palate."

I get how St.Patrick's Day was the theme for your fundraiser, but who's celebrating it for the first time? That's what I wasn't sure about.

GOOD LUCK!

nikariotz

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Learning languages is a hobby' - Common App Extracurricular [9]

I honestly don't think you have to change it at all. This answers the question - it elaborates on learning languages and your passion for it... and it's within the character count!

GREAT JOB!! (:

nikariotz

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / 'algebra II and trigonometry' - Common app- Elaborate on an activity [22]

I don't know if I'm too late, but I really liked the final revision, especially the concluding sentence - it really nicely ties in what you talked about with what you learned and took out of the experience.

nikariotz

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Stickers for Smiles' - Common App Extracurricular.. Shadowing A Doctor [12]

So everyone has pretty much already said it, but you need to include the significance/impact. The imagery is great, and maybe if it was your main essay, you could elaborate on it much more, but as it is, I think you could try describing something and then including its impact on you - how it made you feel/look at things, how it changed your perspective, etc?

Good luck! I'm working on this question right now (:

nikariotz

Dec 29, 2011

Undergraduate / 'dance allows me to be myself' - JHU- something about yourself [5]

Wow, thank you guys so much for the feedback! Here's my revised version (I really didn't change all that much. Just took out one sentence and added another, and made a few contractions). Let me know what you think.

5...6...7...8: four numbers that may appear meaningless, but to a dancer, hold so much value. They're the preparatory counts for turns, leaps, jumps, and kicks, and the final counts of nearly every sequence.

Whether in the privacy of my room or the presence of a large audience, dance allows me to be myself, candid and genuine. It's something I put more effort and energy into than most anything else because I love the way it makes me feel, both mentally and physically. Every emotion can be expressed through my movements and body language. When I'm feeling down, my movements are minimal and somber. My body slouches and stays close to the ground. When I'm excited, my movements are defined and bold. My eyes become wide, and I jump and leap to release my energy. When I'm feeling flirty, my movements are round and exaggerated. My mind goes into Latin-mode, and I lose control of my hips. Whatever my mood may be, there's a dance that perfectly expresses it - a dance that takes over my entire being.

For the three minutes I'm on stage or the hour I'm in dance class, I forget that the rest of the world exists; I forget that I'm being judged because in dance, truly, there's no right or wrong. All my energy's focused on me, the steps, and the music. Dance is about self-expression and interpretation. It allows me to tell my story. Though there's a set choreography and a set sequence of steps, it's up to me, as a dancer, to turn these basics into something magical and meaningful.

So the new word count is 265, which I think should be fine. However, the characters (with spaces) count is only 1,487... so does that mean I should/can write more?

nikariotz

Dec 28, 2011

Undergraduate / JHU Supplement Essay - MAJORS question [4]

This is the very first draft of my essay. It's for JHU's first supplement question:

Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we asked you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

Every year, I'd walk down the same path, to the same building, dreading what was to come. My mom held my hand, almost dragging me along. There was nothing I hated more than getting my annual shots. I'd hide behind the nurses, the doors, even the carts - I was ready to do just about anything not to let some old man in white poke me. But then as I grew older, the mean, old doctor started becoming more and more insignificant. Shots became a routine event with little meaning. I had become impartial to the whole scenario. I simply didn't care anymore. So then, why can I not imagine myself as anything other than a doctor? I'm not sure when exactly my mind changed, but all I know is that I never stopped growing, and what was once frightening and insignificant, now became fascinating. I began wondering about the "why's" and the "how's" of everything. "How does that fluid help me?" "Why do I need a new shot every year?" "How come some people have severe reactions, while I feel nothing?"

It wasn't until high school that I started getting answers to some of my questions. From classes like biology to chemistry to psychology, I learned about the human body and all its wonder. However, though I was learning a lot and answering many of my questions, I also started asking even more. I had begun a never ending cycle that continues to operate to this day. History and English are classes I take because I have to, but biology, chemistry, and psychology are the classes I take because I wanted to. Every day, I'd walk in to class with the hopes of answering even a single one of my questions, and leave asking twenty more.

The word limit is 250... I'm at 296...

nikariotz

Dec 25, 2011

Undergraduate / 'dance allows me to be myself' - JHU- something about yourself [5]

Tell us something about yourself or your interests that we wouldn't learn by looking at the rest of your application materials. (While you should still pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, your response is meant as a way for us to get to know you, rather than a formal essay.)

5...6...7...8: four numbers that may appear meaningless, but to a dancer, hold so much value. They're the preparatory counts for turns, leaps, jumps, and kicks, and the final counts of nearly every sequence.

Whether I'm in the privacy of my room or in the presence of a large audience, dance allows me to be myself, candid and genuine. It's something I put more effort and energy into than most anything else because I love the way it makes me feel, both mentally and physically. Every emotion can be expressed through my movements and body language. When I'm feeling weighed down, my movements are minimal and somber; my body slouches and stays close to the ground. When I'm excited, my movements are defined and bold; my eyes become wide-open and bright as I jump and leap to release my energy. When I'm feeling romantic, my movement is sensual and fluid; my face is serious, yet relaxed, and the gentle motion of my arm traces my body as my hips make a slow and steady figure 8 to the beats of Rumba music.

For the three minutes I'm on stage or the hour I'm in dance class, I forget that the rest of the world exists; I forget that I'm being judged because in dance, truly, there is no right or wrong. All my energy's focused on me, the steps, and the music. Dance is about self-expression and interpretation. It allows me to tell my story. Though dance may have a set choreography and a set sequence of steps, it is up to me, as a dancer, to turn these basics into something magical and meaningful.

The current word count is 274 (250 is the maximum). Any feedback/suggestions will be much appreciated! Thanks!