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Posts by pinkbunny
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Last Post: Dec 27, 2011
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Posts: 9  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 9
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pinkbunny   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my grandparents' village' - Supplement--creative thoughts [9]

It didn't really answer the question. and its a little cliche that you suddenly had this epiphany while a horde of dragonflies pass by. I think you should start from scratch. good luck! (:
pinkbunny   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'eating home-style Chinese food' - Future Roommate Essay [5]

I actually liked your use of contractions and how conversational it was. It's really informal which is what you should be aiming for in this type of essay. So don't go running for the thesaurus for every sentence: write the essay as if it were really going to your roommate! I think you did a great job. My only suggestion is that you should make "It's my specialty." its own sentence instead of connecting it with a semi-colon. good luck! (:
pinkbunny   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'endless activities' - Why NYU? Supplement [7]

I really like the new one! But why did you leave out the bit asking rhetorical questions about NYU and the surrounding area? i feel like that really personalized it for NYU. You never want to have an essay that you can cut and paste for other "Why ____" questions. Admissions officers can tell. On the other hand, this one is much more concise. it's your call though. good luck! (:
pinkbunny   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / Blind, Arrogant Eyes - Common App Prompt [5]

i really liked the essay! but in the first line, you mention your "freshmen year" of high school. It's "freshman year." That's a really common mistake- make sure you correct it!
pinkbunny   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'endless activities' - Why NYU? Supplement [7]

I actually liked the ending! but instead of discover your "ambitions" (which slightly confused me), how about you say "discover myself"?
pinkbunny   
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the only junior flutist' - MIT- Biggest Challenge question [4]

I liked the essay! However, i got a little confused. I thought the teacher you wanted to prove it to was a woman? But at the end, you talk about how the school band director was impressed. If I were you, I would just stick to one person to really bring the essay to a close. Good luck! (:
pinkbunny   
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / 'an environment for self-learning' U Penn: What do you hope to learn and contribute [9]

I enjoyed the essay, but you're pretty much telling the admissions officers all the great stuff about their school. They already know that. They want to know what YOU can bring to the school. In that aspect, I don't think you answered the question fully enough. I could have written the same essay by going to the website as well. Add personal anecdotes about why PENN needs YOU! good luck! :)
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