Posts by matthewmuliadi

matthewmuliadi

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / Commonapp- Picking My Eyebrows [16]

I really like your essay!!! you talked about a personal experience and then you tied on to the big picture of individuality and diversity. really good essay in my opinion.. just try to read through it once or twice more as I think you still have slight grammatical issues along the essay. otherwise, really great job :D best of luck!!

anddd can you please take a look at my cornell essay please? thank you!

matthewmuliadi

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / (librarian, dilapidated classroom, an addict) - NYU Supplements [10]

love your first essay... flows really nicely and is actually quite poetic.
second essay is also great in my opinion. It really feels like you are talking to your roommate and giving him/her a warning of the person you are, along with your flaws. You make the essay pro and con about yourself instead of just promoting yourself to the university hahah. which is great :D

annddd i love the ending to your third essay.. i actually didn't read through it too scrupulously but it ended really well.

Overall I am really impressed with your vocabulary, and universities often don't care much for pretentious people using notched up vocab but you seem to be able to pull it off while not sounding pretentious. good job overall. am thoroughly impressed :D

do you mind having a read at my Cornell supplement?

matthewmuliadi

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / 'The finite sources of energy' - Why Engineering and why Cornell [13]

hey thanks a lot for your help. You read my first draft of my essay though.. I have a revised essay just above your post. Thanks again for looking through it and I will certainly think about your suggestions :D

matthewmuliadi

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'No life discrimination' - princeton supplement [21]

I agree with makman. Talk more about how he actually changed and brought an impact to you. It is a good essay, but you talk about who he is and what he does a bit too much. This should just be supplemental information that will lead up to the main body of your essay which should be 'how he has influenced you'.

Do you mind taking a read at my Cornell Supplement? will appreciate it. thanks :)

matthewmuliadi

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / Thomas Sowell Reader - Columbia Supplement - 3 short essays [6]

Okay now I feel kinda weird with how I was able to comment quite a lot on your first and second essay but couldn't really help you much with your second essay.. I like your idea for your second essay as it is a strong and valid point. You also give a specific example which I found really interesting. And for your first two essays, I like the ideas that you have but some parts seem awkward (maybe it is just me). For your first essay I think you repeat the word 'welfare' a bit too much. But the idea is good as it also relates and goes with your third essay. Well done! just a bit of brushing up in my opinion. Just my two cents :)

matthewmuliadi

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'The finite sources of energy' - Why Engineering and why Cornell [13]

hey makman, so you think after the changes I've made with the third paragraph and the additional 4th paragraph my essay should already be fine? Do you think I need anymore changes..? And yes I will gladly read your Columbia supplemet :) thanks again for your help!

matthewmuliadi

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / Notre-Dame: "What would you do with a $5000 Grant?" (I'll Edit Back!) [5]

I really like your essay. A lot of detail and personal experience that you brought into it. You provide good background information that initially gave you the idea of the empowerment/improvement of Aboriginal youth, and then brought this idea into action. Well done! I've actually already applied early app for Notre Dame as well and am already accepted. I wrote the same supplement as you but I took an engineering approach to this question. Best of luck!

Do you mind taking a read for my essay for Cornell?

matthewmuliadi

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'The finite sources of energy' - Why Engineering and why Cornell [13]

done :)

EDIT

I've changed the third paragraph and added a new paragraph afterwards. This is what it is now

Being a student of physics, I have studied alternative sources of energy, and am very much aware of their potential. Wind power, solar, hydro-thermal, geothermal, are all great methods that make the most of what nature has to offer, but why are we not using such sources? This is what intrigues me, and frankly ticks me off. Such possibilities are able to us yet we aren't able to effectively use them. Possibilities that seem so close but are yet so far.

With engineering, I believe that I am able not only able to tackle the idea of finite resources, but I am also able to create alternative sources of energy more of a reality than a possibility. Our world is deteriorating right before our eyes, and I feel that change is needed. Action is needed.

Thanks again for all of those who are at this page and helping fellow university applicants :D

matthewmuliadi

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'The finite sources of energy' - Why Engineering and why Cornell [13]

Thanks a lot for your help! I've read your essay already and posted my advice

matthewmuliadi

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / The intention is a vital factor - Princeton Supplement [9]

I like the overall theme and idea of your essay. But I was just thinking, maybe you could go into more detail about this person that changed you? The essay question is to talk about the person, so maybe you should talk about him/her more. Just my two cents :) otherwise I think that the essay is great, along with the suggestions that other people have given you. Thanks for reading mine btw. appreciate it

matthewmuliadi

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / Stanford Supplement: Roomate Letter (My Tacklebox) [5]

What strikes me the most from your essay is that it's got a nice personal and authentic feel to it, which my uni counselor told me is what unis are searching for :D great job!

matthewmuliadi

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Volleyball companion' -Short activity essay [6]

Other than the suggestions that SeniorMel gave, if you plan on using the symbol of a car and handbrake, I think you should introduce this idea earlier on the essay so that the reader will be able to create a before and after sort of thing. A clearer comparison. Try to make things clearer and maybe focus on something more specific rather than the whole picture so you have breadth and depth. Just my two cents :)

matthewmuliadi

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'The finite sources of energy' - Why Engineering and why Cornell [13]

Hey guys!
I just finished writing my essay for Cornell's commonapp essay for its engineering school, its question is this.
Engineers turn ideas (technical, scientific, mathematical) into reality. Tell us about an engineering idea you have or your interest in engineering. Explain how Cornell Engineering can help you further explore this idea or interest.

aannddd below is the essay I wrote, can you all pleaseee give me feedback on what's wrong with my essay/anything I need to add?

THANK YOU ALL!!

The finite sources of energy in the world today is dwindling at a pace where they may soon be no more, and in today's society, where would we be without energy? The idea of alternative sources of energy is one that seems so close yet so far from our grasps.

Engineering has evolved dramatically over the past years, as the advent of technology and science seem to have no bounds. The world is constantly changing, and we must learn to adapt to such changes that may have been caused by ourselves. Global warming is a huge issue, but what may be even more staggering is the rate of which fossil fuels are decreasing. The decline in fossil fuel rates present ominous economic problems with potentially catastrophic consequences.

Being a student of physics, I have studied alternative sources of energy, and am very much aware of their potential. Wind power, solar, hydro-thermal, geothermal, are all great methods that make the most of what nature has to offer, but why are we not using such sources? This is what intrigues me. I am willing to explore the types of technology that will increase the chances of such sources being a reality, and change society for the better.

I am willing to take this ambitious, and somewhat 'risky' study, as Cornell's Engineering department encourages me to take this risk from its research programs. After browsing through Cornell's Engineering web page, I have learnt that undergraduates are already able to submerge into studies that allow them to apply what we learn towards real--world situations. I am able to fit well with this approach towards learning, as I constantly feel that we must put what we learn to good use. To be able to face the real world and tackle real problems is an opportunity that I find difficult to let go.

Furthermore, Cornell's Student Grant Program especially interests me. This program enables undergraduates to carry on individual research with the funding and support from the school. This program then enables me to pursue the intriguing research of alternative sources of energy, as I intend to make the most of the time I spend in Cornell's school of engineering and create change.