Undergraduate / 'Medical care and worldwide concerns' - COMMON APP [4]

This is the one I would like to use:

Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

I believe medical care is one of the worldwide concerns all nations possess. As a Korean girl who has grown up in South Korea for 18 years and visited United States frequently, I had a lot of occurrences to visit hospitals, both in Korea and the states; these incidents helped me observe the pros and cons of hospitals in both nations.

My mother was diagnosed with cancer when I was thirteen. Since then, I have visited different Korean hospitals with her numerous times. When I was in the states two years ago, I visited American hospitals with my aunt, who was diagnosed with cancer as well, and with my mother, who had emergency surgery during our visit.

I believe Korean hospitals are proficient in handling time; patients can make online reservations with specific dates they select, or they could make reservations on that date if they are present at the hospital, even though such reservations require them to wait a longer time than those who have made previous reservations. However, the Korean doctors are chased by time, and most doctors working at university hospitals are forced see up to three patients in five minutes. American hospitals are focused more on the patients, and the doctors humanely care about their patients and their health; they try to provide their best for the patients' convenience. However, making appointments is incredibly time consuming - even though my aunt felt devastated with her worsening condition and her cancer metastasizing, it took nearly a month for her to get an appointment at the new hospital when her prior hospital transferred her.

My initial purpose of life is to become a biomedical engineer and advance the medical devices we currently have and assist to improve the life qualities of all people, including those of my dear family. Then, I would like to establish a hospital which would consist of the advantages of the hospitals of both nations; I would like to provide services which are best for the patients. But before achieving my dreams, I would like this new level of education to serve as a solid step which would help me provide the service for others and encourage them to overcome the hardships my family and I overcame.

You don't have to read this one, but it would be great if you could tell me which one is better:

A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

As a Korean girl who has grown up in South Korea for 18 years, I can definitely say I lived, and still live, in a diverse community. Even though I reside in Korea, my schools have been located on an American military base; since my school was considered to be on American territory, I literally went back and forth from Korea to United States and vice versa every day.

My school has about 350 students from different countries: South Korea, United States, Germany, Japan, Philippines, and more. I have never worried about racism at our school; everyone realized each country's uniqueness and accepted it, for everyone was so familiar with living overseas. I realized the importance of diversity when I was talking to my Korean friend who moved to New York State few years ago; she said she was the only Asian in her new school and was depressed about how people made fun of her English accent. I had never thought about discriminating against someone because of one's accent; even though I took it as a compliment when my aunt told me she could not hear my accent anymore, I was never ashamed of the accent I had before.

When I talked to my school friends about this, they all agreed with me on the idea that accent is not what matters; it is the content of what people are saying that truly matters. This incident helped me see that living in a diverse community really helps in developing healthy international relationships. Ever since this idea became clear to me, I tried my best to comfort people with my words, rather than blurting out some words without any meaning.

I know I will dedicate all I have to not only help myself, but other students and faculties as well when I am accepted to a university. I only hope for three things: my existence to add onto the university's diversity and the diversity to serve as a solid step for improvement; my dedication to help advance the university and the community; and the university to develop myself and lead me to become who can assist those in need of help.

The first essay is about my family illness and how I wish to mend medical problems we currently have..
Second one is about racism and diversity.

I'll take all advices gratefully. Honestly, I feel like I made so many grammatical errors here and there..
If you could point them out, that would be great!
I would love honest comments/criticism.. Are they too vague? I can't really tell..
& I'll return the favor if you'd like, so please leave a comment or two.. :)

Undergraduate / 'scientific concepts and my curiosities' - JHU essays [4]

1. Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

Science was, and still is, my favorite subject in school; I love learning about different scientific concepts and applying them to real world experiences. I have attended different academies and symposiums to explore more about the scientific aspect of the world. However, my mother's diagnosis of cancer is what confirmed my determination to major in biomedical engineering.

My mother was diagnosed with cancer when I was thirteen: endometrial cancer, stage 3. For nearly a year, my mother was hospitalized getting surgery and chemotherapy and radiation treatments. I still remember how I massaged my mother's legs, in which she felt pain after chemotherapy, for eight hours whilst doing my homework, woke up constantly to aid her, and got up early in the morning to take an hour and half ride on a public bus to school. After staying with my mom at the hospital, taking care of her for more than a year, and still visiting doctors with her up to this time, I came to truly appreciate how the medical technology had advanced, and I have craved to advance such technology myself ever since. I strongly desire to major in biomedical engineering and provide hopes to those who are in need of medical assistance.

Tell us something about yourself or your interests that we wouldn't learn by looking at the rest of your application materials. (While you should still pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, your response is meant as a way for us to get to know you, rather than a formal essay.)

I like science. My high school requires hands-on labs in all science classes, and actually conducting science experiments and proving the concepts given from the textbooks have prompt my interest in all fields of science. As my interest grew, so did my efforts to learn and comprehend science. I believe my aspiration to gain more knowledge and satisfy my curiosity is one of the best qualities I possess.

I start off my day by taking a shower. I like applying scientific concepts I learned to the real world, and therefore, about water's molecular structure and why water attracts the shower curtain every time I take a shower. I enjoy talking about how the natural behaviors of all things could be explained with scientific facts and concepts.

After school, on my way home with my father, I like to look at the electric poles and think about the electric currents or think about how the car engines convert chemical energy into heat energy, which is transformed into kinetic energy, which moves the vehicles. When I get home, after I finish my homework and lay on my bed, I think about how my phone alarm would detect my movement and wake me up when I am lightly asleep.

I like science and I like learning about it. And I am determined to pursue what I like; therefore, I want to answer my curiosities at the Johns Hopkins University and make contributions to the society that has developed me with the knowledge gained from such studious university.

Could you please tell me if there are any grammatical mistakes
or if the essay is off topic / boring?
I honestly wrote so many essays in short amount of time ... and can't clearly determine what they're like ):
Thank you so much!

I'd love to read your essay if you leave a message (:
Good luck!

Undergraduate / 'equilibrium between education and pleasure' - Why Northwestern? [3]

What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

All my life, I have craved to find equilibrium between education and pleasure; I believe stress gained while educating oneself should be relieved, for less stress would result in better proficiency of gaining education. Northwestern is definitely the university which would help me attain this equilibrium; as one of the finest universities across the nation, Northwestern, specifically the McCormick School of Engineering, would help me achieve the essential education I need in order to major in biomedical engineering. I am aware that Northwestern has constantly achieved top ranks in biomedical engineering programs, and I would love to become part of the team.

Since I know gaining education would not be a problem in Northwestern, I then looked for some activities that would assist me to stay active while attending the university. Unlike my high school, where number of students, resources, and spaces were limited due to its location on an air force base, I found out that Northwestern offered more student services than I could ever imagine; I would greatly enjoy participating in and contributing myself to volunteer opportunities, Northwestern University Summer Employment Program, and organizations such as Asian Pacific American Coalition, Korean Scientists and Engineers Association, Cancer Outreach Prevention Education, and Cycling. While Asian Pacific American Coalition would strengthen my international bonds with friends I would meet at Northwestern, Korean Scientists and Engineers Association would help me gain and share knowledge with other students who have Korea heritage like me. I would love to participate in Cancer Outreach Prevention Education and alert people about the importance of periodic medical examination, since both my mother and aunt were diagnosed with cancer, and I have seen the impacts cancer brings to the patients and their intimate family. Finally, I enjoy riding my bicycle and would like to participate in the Cycling organization to reduce stress, communicate with other people, and keep my body physically fit.

Also, I believe the location of the campus is stunning; while Evanston provides a calm, quite environment for Northwestern students to engage in their studies, Chicago, which is within less than an hour away by public transportation, would provide a vibrant environment at where everyone would love to visit and spend time.

Northwestern is providing everything I can wish for to its students: peaceful environment to study with a vibrant, lively city Chicago nearby, excellent education with well known professors, organizations to provide students with an opportunity to collaborate and bond with other students, and its student population; while there are enough students to form a community, it is small enough to retain an intimate college experience. I could not desire more than to attend and dedicate myself to such a well-rounded university. Go cats!

I'm new here; so I haven't read other people's essays yet.
If you leave a reply and tell me you want me to read yours, I'll try to read most of them to the best of my abilities.

Good luck on your admissions! & Thank you for reading my essay :)
BTW, this is just my rough draft, so please be harsh!