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'doctor's hands perform miracles' - Stony Brook Med Supplement


calvinwang 3 / 32  
Jan 1, 2012   #1
Due date: 1/15/2012
Paint a verbal portrait of an ideal physician (or dentist) and tell us about the experiences that you have had which have helped to shape this ideal.

I think I just drew a masterpiece. My portrait in front of me truly pictures how I will look as a doctor. My eyes are shining with kindness. My glasses radiate intelligence. I have a smile that says confidence, a neat haircut that emits focus, and, of course, a long white doctor's coat that speaks professionalism and experience. But then, I accidentally dropped this picture into the X-ray machine!

I stared disheartened, as all my superficial features vanished; it is replaced with 78 organs, 208 bones, and over 600 muscles. Then, three parts stood out to me: the hands, brain, and heart.

A doctor's hands perform miracles. Therefore, it needs to be fast and agile. I think my hands are up to the task. Playing the piano since I was four, they have had ample exercise. While in elementary school, I impressed my fellow students and teachers during the talent shows playing songs by Beethoven and Mozart. My teachers remarked, "Keep your hands safe; they will do great things in the future." I agree, but instead of entertainment, I want my hands to heal. As a doctor, I will be handy in any situation.

A doctor's brain makes life or death decisions. A doctor has to not only think fast but also think with from different perspectives. Thinking from the patient's standpoint is just as important as thinking as a doctor. I believe my insatiable hunger for knowledge will assist me in becoming a doctor. In my senior year, I am taking four A.P. courses: Physics, Calculus, U.S. Government, and English Literature. While I love math and science, English confuses me to no end. Yet, I was compelled to take all four classes because I know each subject has its own merit. I believe focusing on a single subject will only blind me from other areas. It is this inspiration that also lead me to take college courses in Sociology and Psychology. In fact, I will be taking another course, "Introduction to Philosophy," on January 29th. I chase these opportunities because I want to expand my horizon. With a more knowledgeable background, I know I will be able to make better decisions as a doctor.

The heart is the most important part of being a doctor. After all, doctors cure patients and not diseases. It is important to be compassionate to patients. In fact, it is my love for helping others that helped me choose the medical field. I discovered this passion while volunteering at Clove Lakes Rehabilitation Center. It was the connection I felt with the residents and staffs that really inspired me. The residents would occasionally come up to me and thank me. One of my bosses even told me that he always looks forward to summers because that is when volunteers come. Whether it was helping residents in wheelchairs or lessening the workload of staff members, the ability to see the gratification on their faces filled me with joy. It is this same fervor that I will bring to the medical field. I know that I will strive to put my patient's welfare first.

Thank you for reading my essay. Any comments will be greatly appreciated. Please be critical in pointing out tone, structural, or grammatical errors. I tried to make my essay stand out but is the beginning too hard to understand?

TY and Happy New Year!
birdcages 2 / 11  
Jan 1, 2012   #2
This is a really good take on the prompt - it reads well, is original, and speaks a lot about you.

I do like the first paragraph a lot, but I'm not a fan of the first and last lines of it. The first sentence doesn't really do anything for the paragraph, imo. "The portrait in front of me, glossy and [insert adjective here LOL] truly pictures how I will look as a doctor." is what I would change the first line to if I were writing this, but I clearly have a much different style, so take from that what you will! I don't like the last sentence of the first paragraph at all - I love the idea of dropping the portrait into an x-ray machine, but the sentence itself sounds awkward and weakens an otherwise strong intro.
lifeisgoing1 3 / 7  
Jan 1, 2012   #3
Therefore, it needs to be fast and agile.
-> Therefore, they need to be fast and agile.

After all, doctors cure patients and not diseases; therefore, it is important to be compassionate to patients.
I think it would sound better if there was a connection here.

A doctor's brain makes life or death decisions. A doctor has to not only think fast but also think with from different perspectives.
Delete "with"

I really like your essay, it really seems original and I can tell you put a lot of work into it!
Good luck, and happy new year :D


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