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Posts by atomvik
Joined: Dec 20, 2008
Last Post: Dec 29, 2008
Threads: 3
Posts: 14  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 17
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atomvik   
Dec 29, 2008
Undergraduate / NYU supplement Why this college?! [5]

nice. i don't see any corrections seeing as how any more characters would take you over.
atomvik   
Dec 29, 2008
Undergraduate / What is Brown University, I feel my essay is the worst.. [9]

kind of confusing. what is the 150 parts red, 75 parts green, 0 parts blue? this kind of answers the question, but just remember, under flowery and poetic language, if the main question is not answered, it's essentially useless.
atomvik   
Dec 29, 2008
Undergraduate / Syracuse Supplement (aspirations + work experience) [9]

no don't mention it twice, mention another activity in the common app short answer. it's best to diversify your answers or else you'll be known as the "whatever you work for" kid.
atomvik   
Dec 28, 2008
Undergraduate / NYU talent show song short answer [5]

"sending" to "sends"

"He describes that it is difficult growing up in a place you despise, yet, after leaving, you realize that it was your home all along."

Try to add a last sentence with the 36 characters you have left.
atomvik   
Dec 28, 2008
Essays / Essay question: Why do People Buy? [6]

Why do people buy?

Do they buy it for their actual needs? Or just to show off.

Do they buy things just because something is on sale.

The main thing here I think is discerning between "need" and "want"
atomvik   
Dec 27, 2008
Undergraduate / A paragraph from my Northwestern essay too wordy? HELP [5]

take out "about" McCormick's in third line

it's not too wordy, just look over the tense of your paragraph.

i.e. "My virtual tour through McCormick has told me..." (had told me?)
atomvik   
Dec 27, 2008
Undergraduate / Personal statement for NUS: The big day [8]

1. Omit first "finally" in first sentence
2. Make it ...in its "Frankensteinish" look - a sliver dome..." (it adds emphasis)
3. Omit "about" in last sentence of first paragraph
4. Fourth paragraph, insert "to" between expalining and the worker

Overall good essay :)

Just make sure it is parallel in tense.
atomvik   
Dec 27, 2008
Undergraduate / Cornell CAS Essay (intellectual interests). Does it make sense? [3]

College of Arts and Sciences:

An individual is characterized not only by what he does in the light, but by what he does in the dark. Even though I cannot perform a gel electrophoresis in the dark, I still have an undying love and passion for science. Through my experiences, I have come to revere science not only for its broad applicability and astounding ability to answer my questions, but also for its intriguing nature and capability to solve the growing problems in the world today.

Without hesitation, I can contribute my interest in science to an infatuation for the biological sciences - more specifically, genetics and bioinformatics. I clearly remember the "Recombinant DNA" section of the "Genetics" Unit in my sophomore year of high school biology, especially the questions it left lingering in my mind. Could scientists cure genetic diseases? If genes could be manipulated, could humans alter their genome? These questions were too volatile to be left unanswered in my mind, and my thirst for knowledge continually grew. I soon found out that the questions which perplexed me were the same questions which perplexed even the strongest scientific minds of the day. I was stuck. I had always been a proponent of instant gratification, and although Google's microsecond response satisfied my search query, it did not fulfill my essay inquiry.

My interest in finding answers for my search queries has all but faded, and after completing this past summer researching the brine shrimp genome at the Waksman Institute of Microbiology of Rutgers University, my passion for genetic research has grown so much more. I hope that by attending Cornell University, I can engage with teachers and students who share the same vigor for scientific discovery as me, and succeed in finding the answers for questions which have remained unanswered for too long.

I hope to take advantage of the numerous interdisciplinary research organizations Cornell has to offer. Cornell is renowned for the scope of its research, and through this scope, I aim to fuse my passions for genetic research and medicine in an effort to find a solution for the health problems which plague our society today. Cornell is renowned for its research facilities and high-tech laboratories, and as a result, it has been able to serve local and national communities with innovative and ground-breaking research essential for human development. This is the exact same environment which I want to immerse myself in, a world of research and development with the goal of improving human sustainability. Because of all the opportunities Cornell provides, and its unflagging commitment to the betterment of humankind, it is undoubtedly my number one choice for a college education. As a Senior Science Advisor at Cornell once said, "The strategic plan for research at Cornell can be summed up simply: Be the best at what we undertake to do," and I know that through Cornell University, I will learn never to stop trying my best at anything I do.
atomvik   
Dec 25, 2008
Undergraduate / 'Love for sciences and environmental studies' - Johns Hopkins Essay [3]

2. Write a brief essay in which you respond to the following question.
(freshman applicants only): Johns Hopkins offers 49 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. on this supplement, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)


An individual is characterized not only by what he does in the light, but by what he does in the dark. Even though I cannot perform a gel electrophoresis in the dark, I still love science in its entirety. My name is Bhavik Gupta and I believe humor can lighten up any situation. My goal is to become a well rounded individual and since the start, I have admired scientists, comedians, and individuals who defy expectations. Through my experiences, I have come to revere science not only for its widespread scope and astounding ability to answer my questions, but also for its intriguing nature and ability to solve the growing problems perplexing the world.

My interest in pursuing a major in Biology at Johns Hopkins University is characterized by an infatuation for the subject's versatility and for its broad applicability to all the major fields in science today. After taking the most rigorous science courses my school has to offer, I have realized that there is so much more to learn and discover in the realm of science. Through a major in Biology, I want to enter this realm and be able to choose the path I want to take. This ability to choose whatever path I want to take is what amazes me most about Biology and is the reason why I chose this intended major.

In addition to my love for the sciences, I also possess a strong connection to environmental studies and the growing concerns of global warming and sustainable energy. This involvement in the environment has pushed me further into the sphere of science because only through further knowledge can the environment be saved. Call me a tree-hugger, but from one of my two intended majors, I aspire to learn about the biological processes which, when interrupted, cause our environment harm and the solutions that science has to offer. Through further research and experimentation in the field of Biology and Environmental Sciences, I aim to apply my knowledge of science in tandem with my passion for the environment and acclimation to modern technology to immerse myself in an experience which will undoubtedly give me the impetus to strike a change in the world.

My aspirations do not simply exist in the future, they exist now, and since now they exist, now is the time to pursue them. My affinity for science coupled with my passion for the environmental problems and biological problems attacking modern society is all I have to offer, and the opportunity to study at Johns Hopkins University will kick off the pursuit of my aspirations. As idealistic as it sounds, I hope to someday perfect the water purification process to deliver much needed water to the impoverished in Africa, or succeed in implementing biotechnology and nanotechnology in hopes of securing the future of not only myself, but the rest of the Earth as well.
atomvik   
Dec 21, 2008
Undergraduate / Common App Essay- 'Passion' [5]

I like the anaphora in the beginning, very strong. I'd try to combine the last two sentences of your introduction, don't let the emphasis by short sentences fade by making the entire introduction like that.

eliminate "was that of" (paragraph 2)
change "Through" to "Throughout" (paragraph 2)
change "in the capacity of a board member" to "through the capacity of a board member" (paragraph 2)

change "I ran" to "I was running" (paragraph 3)
insert dash "However, overtime people realized that I was not doing it for anyone. I was in fact doing it out of passion." to "However, overtime people realized that I was not doing it for anyone - I was doing it out of passion." (paragraph 3, adds emphasis)

These are just some changes I feel would make the essay more varied in syntax. Again, just what I feel, not necessarily what you should change.
atomvik   
Dec 20, 2008
Undergraduate / Evaluate a significant experience you have faced and its impact on you. [6]

That night, the squad building alarm swallowed my ears. Dusk set only shortly before, yet there I was, dead in the lounge, eyes closed, ears closed, and brain turned off. Excitement and eagerness brought me back to life as the shrill sound of the alarm flooded the building. Although I stood ready for battle, my soul still desired the soft and soothing comfort of the couch. Tonight, it would receive anything but that comfort. The siren was soon replaced by the humble dispatcher's voice who monotonously repeated the address of the grave incident. The ennui in the dispatcher's voice seemed almost inhumane, but I assumed repeating such incidents every night would harden even the most empathetic person's emotions.

Clad in my light blue collared job shirt, navy blue pants, and heavy duty slip resistant boots, I remained still where my reaction impulses had left me standing and took a moment to soak in the gravity of the situation at hand. Already I was worrying about what would happen, if I was going to mess up, or if I was going to be acclaimed for an outstanding performance, things which should not have been on my mind.

I began to regret my decision to not wear a sweatshirt, as the cold plastic of the bench seat sent shivers up my entire body. The back of the ambulance was empty except for me, an empty stretcher, and the hot air circulating from the vents in the ceiling. Unexpectedly, I was thrown backwards by the instantaneous acceleration of the ambulance - a reminder that I had forgotten to fasten my seatbelt. As I lay sedentary where the accelerating vehicle had thrown me, I once again began to contemplate my fate. Although I had been trained how to take vital signs, how to unload a stretcher, and how to document information, I had not yet done them in an emergency situation. I started to become exceedingly worried, questioning whether I would be able to perform without error and fulfill my role as emergency personnel. I joined the Rescue Squad to provide medical aid to the people who need it most, the people who are suffering from an automobile accident and need to be transported to the hospital, the people who are unconscious on the ground subliminally messaging for help, but most of all the people who cannot control what is happening to them and need to trust their lives in the hands of someone else. If I did not make the right moves, if I messed up in any way, it could cost the life of someone who could have been helped

Thinking this, I jumped out of my seat and started to prepare for what I had to do. I readied the clean-sheeted stretcher which had no trace of human occupation yet, and placed the necessary equipment on top. My dark purple gloves were next on my agenda as I felt the chalky surface rub up against the tips of my fingers, knowing that they would soon be drenched with sweat. As we pulled up to the Mirage Hotel and a hoard of worried people, I began to feel an overwhelming rush of pride that I was going to be heralded as the savior of the day. As soon as the ambulance came to a stop, I leaped out the back, only to receive a round of applause by the hopeful bystanders. Everything was going perfectly so far. Then it got stuck. It would not unhinge from the lock which held it shut. Desperately trying to free it from the grasp of the ambulance, I pulled and tugged at the stretcher which I needed to bring to the rescue of the victim. All the pride which engulfed me before escaped in a matter of seconds, being replaced by shame and embarrassment. There it was, the very moment which gripped me with fear every time I had thought about it - I had messed up.

Closing my eyes in bed that night, I replayed the events of that night in my head. My crew chief had realized the stretcher was missing and came back from inside the hotel to help me unload it. The severe asthma attack which had debilitated a 55 year old male enjoying the party inside required immediate medical attention, and he needed a doctor as soon as possible. After a word with my crew chief on my stretcher difficulty, my priorities changed completely. Having someone's life in the palm of your hands teaches you that the task on hand is more important than what will happen afterwards. I was always one to look for the fruits of my labor, to look for what I would gain or lose, but now I focus on finishing whatever I have to do rather than wasting time predicting what will happen to me. I now live for each moment because if you look too far into the future, you will lose sight of what is happening now.
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