Undergraduate / UW short essay ("stop eating pork in front of us") [2]

1.Describe an experience of cultural difference or insensitivity you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?
Please help me to check grammar mistakes and tenses, I am worried about these. Please also give me your opinions on my content. Thank you very much.

" Could you please stop eating pork in front of us?"
We, a group of Chinese students, were sitting in hostel's canteen eating a pork dish when a group of Malay students stood up and spoke to us.

Their words shocked us; we saw it as rude and irrational and started to argue with them. The querrel continued until a mentor came and explained to us that the Malay students were Muslims, and that eating or seeing pork was forbidden in their faith. It seemed bizarre to us, as we had no understanding of Islam. But once I had heard the history behind it, that pigs were considered dirty in both character and appearance, I began to understand and respect their commitment to their faith. We apologised to them and the quarrel actually led to a lasting friendship between our two groups.

From this experience, I learnt that ignorance of others' traditions and beliefs may cause misunderstandings and even conflicts between some races. I started to explore more about other cultures and joined Malay and Indian Societys in our school. I realised that people from other nations were not alien, but friendly as well. They were willing to accept our apologies and made friends with us. I started to watch my behavior and words in front of other races. I found that after all, maintaining racial harmony in a multicultural society was not difficult as long as we hold mutual respect towards each other. Finally, I learnt to appreciate our cultural differences; they make this world more diverse and colourful.

Undergraduate / 'I grew up in China' - UW how to contribute to diversity [5]

1.The University of Washington seeks to create a community of students richly diverse in cultural backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. How would you contribute to this community?

I surpass the word limits and have to cut one para. Here are the 3 paras, please tell me which do not answer the question well, or is inferior and common compare to the other ones. Thank you for your help!

1.I grew up in China which had one of the most ancient histories in the world. I hope to celebrate my cultural festivals, like Chinese New Year and Mid-autumn Festival with other ethnic groups and exchange our values and cultural heritages.

2.China has the largest population in the world. I hope to invite schoolmates to my hometown to see how saturated our buses and supermarkets are and how friendly Chinese people are. Since our government practices one-child policy, I have no siblings. I want to share my loneliness and the pressure from my parents with other students, and tell them how lucky they are to have sisters or brothers.

3.Finally, I love to play accordion and has achieved a pass with distinction in Grade 10 Accordion. I found that playing and listening to different nation's music helpd me accept varying cultural tastes and promoted my appreciation for cultural differences. In UW, I'd love to play an accompaniment in festivals and parties. I hope to use music to muster up communication and bridge the divide between some cultures.

Undergraduate / U Washington, How to contribute to this community [3]

Hi, I want to know whether I answer the question. Also please help me with my grammers and expression, I feel my essay is not fluent. Thank you very much for your help!

Maximum length of 250 words
1.The University of Washington seeks to create a community of students richly diverse in cultural backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. How would you contribute to this community?

I am a Chinese. I grew up in an environment that is very different from most of the world. I hope to celebrate our festivals like Chinese New Year and Mid-autumn Festival with other ethnic groups and exchange our histories and cultural heitages.

China has the largest population in the world, I hope to invite schoolmates to my hometown to see how exploded our buses and supermarkets are and the friendliness of Chinese people. Since our government practices one-child policy, I have no siblings. I want to share my loneliness and the pressure from my parents with others, and tell them how lucky they are to have sisters or brothers around.

I left my hometown to study in Singapore at the age of 15. Initially I had a hard time fitting in. I had to manage English and learn how to live in a multicultural society. I want to share the lessons and transformations I went through in the 4 years in Singapore. Since many Malays and Indians live around us, I have many anecdotes about our cultural differences to share with students in UW. Singapore values racial harmony very much, so I grew a sence of mutual respect towards other races. I hope to bring the respect to UW and encourage students to approach new encounters with a broader mind.

Finally, I am a diligent learner. I have a strong academic interest in financial mathematics. I look forward to being challenged intellectually, and challenging others in return. I hope to add to the diversity of UW.

Undergraduate / 'Indian students / China-Singapore' UMichigan, diversity and how you can contribute [11]

Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experience and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

I have 2 essays, please tell me which is better. Thank you.

1
Although many Indian students lived around us, we seldom interacted with each other. Their eccentric family traditions seemed alien to Chinese.
To our surprise, on Racial Harmony Day in Sigapore, the ten Indian girls in our class all dressed in Cheongsams, Chinese traditional costumes. They came to greet us and expressed their admirations to Chinese culture.

They passed us sarongs(Indian costumes) and said " You may try ours, perhaps you will turn to like Indian cultures too."
Their deed warmed our hearts tremendouly. Looked at us in the mirror: sarongs, huge gold Jewelries and the red dot on each forehead ï we were just like Indians except for our lighter complexions. Suddenly I realised that the world could be so colourful with so many different costumes and it could be so happy to embrace others' culture. The icy division between our two groups was broken.

Coming from China, I had a hard time fitting in initially. However, the more I explored about Singapore's multicultural society, the more I valued diversity. In Michigan, there will be students with different roots and different thoughts, and I would like to spearhead programs to promote interaction between us. By sharing my experiences in Singapore and my upbringing in China, I will show them that the lack of communication and consideration is the main reason for stereotypes and misunderstandings among different groups. Then I will encourage students to join other cultures' society to promote the exchange of ideas and histories. Students' perceptions and relationships will change, as a result of a new understanding of each other

~~For essay 1,the last para,do you think I digress from the real question?
The question is not really asking how you would promote diversity, but how you would contribute to it. It's asking: what makes you different. I am really worried about this. Thank you!~~

2
At the age of 15, I left my hometown in China to study in Singapore. I was naturally drawn to and made friends with other Chinese students at the school because we shared the same language and culture.

One day, we were sitting in a canteen eating a pork dish when a group of Malay students stood up and began verbally attacking us; they were offended by us eating pork. We were shocked, and retaliated by arguing with them. It was an argument we could not seem to resolve, so we took our case to the school office. There, our mentor explained to us that the Malay students were Muslims, and that eating pork was forbidden in their faith. It seemed bizarre to us, as we had no understanding of Islam. But once we had heard the history behind it, we began to understand and respect their commitment to their faith. The quarrel actually led to a lasting friendship between our two groups, and we continued to learn about each other's cultures throughout our time in Singapore.

What can I contribute to diversity? I am Chinese. I grew up in an environment that is very different from most of the world. I am keen to hold onto my own culture, but equally excited to embrace others. We all think differently depending on our roots and life experiences; I look forward to being challenged intellectually, and challenging others in return. Diversity is something to be lauded, and since that experience in Singapore, I have been and will continue to be proactive in promoting diversity in whatever way I can: be it by just making friends, by participating in cultural events, or by challenging ideas.

Undergraduate / Common App: elaborate on 1 of your activities (choir of Crescent Girls) [3]

Elaborate on 1 of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience) (150)

My last few sentences were not fluent, cos I am weak at expression. Please help me to refine my essay;)

I was in choir of Crescent Girls' School during Grade 9 and 10. I participated in it initially due to my zest and talent in singing. I was in Soprano One which required me to practice the highest notes and sing louder than other sections. Surprised, I also needed to learn other sections' parts so that we would be synchronized. As a result, I always lost my voice after a practice. The training was really time consuming which occupied me nine hours a week. Although I needed to balance my stressful school work and extracurricular activities, I never considered quitting, as each individual was essential to choir, and carried the responsibility to maintain every song's completeness. Choir not only provided me the opportunity to earn awards and applauses but also taught me the importance of coordination; knowing and capable of suiting other people's part with mine is essential when working as a team.