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Posts by iamtrying
Joined: Oct 8, 2012
Last Post: Nov 20, 2012
Threads: 3
Posts: 8  

From: India

Displayed posts: 11
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iamtrying   
Nov 20, 2012
Writing Feedback / Government in democratic societies [2]

Government in democratic societies should not restrict the public's access to information even if it is of a sensitive or classified nature.

REVIEW THE FULL ESSAY. PLEASE PLEASE do mention any comments grammar, punctuation, writing structure, examples and conflicting statements.

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Issue of sensitive and crucial information to public about country might lead to safety concern, as this information might even be available to the external world. However, personally, I do agree with the assertion that societies should not restrict the availability of information to the public. This option is based on the belief such as increase in corruption; bad usage of public money; and false information to public.

First, I believe that with the increase in corruption the notion of broadcasting information to the public should be practiced. In my country, most of the ministers are caught red handed as being involved in the corrupt activities: illegal land buying and earning black money ( given by the big businessman for creation or expulsion of polices beneficial to the business). All these activities, exposed by media, had led me to believe that a large amount of information is hidden from public. To add, if these hidden information are available to public then no ministers would have the courage to get involved in these malpractices. Beyond doubt, this would lead to sensitive information being available to media and in turn to the external world, but if every democratic government perform this activity then there is no fear of hiding any details as this would trim down the corruption and would be beneficial to the society in large. So, in my opinion exposing information to the public will do more good than bad to the society.

In addition to the increase in corruption, government is involved in ineffective utilization of public money. To explain this point, I would cast example of the money laundering activities during the Common Wealth Games, in India. Government was exposed in paying higher than the market value for the sports instruments required in the games. Moreover, on learning the full story, it was seen that most of the money was paid to business which indirectly belonged to the ministers' family. Ministers must be involved in many more activities which are hidden from common man as details related to every single activity are not known to individual. To stop this, it is important that public money and information related to it should be known to every individual. Display of this information, will help in reduction in ineffective money usage as people can question the government if required.

Finally, alongside the issue of corruption and ineffective monetary dealings, government is also responsible for the false statements given to public. This false information is known to public at a later point in time. Also, government wash away any improper comments by public on the mistakes done by the ministers, as an important step required at that point in time. As an example, I can include the miss management in monorail construction in Delhi, capital of India. The monorail project was a complete failure as construction has fallen down due to usage of inferior materials for construction. But government has negated this, by saying, this debacle was due to improper design given by the foreign agencies and no government officials are responsible. Hence, it's just pushing the blame of others and escaping from the bad situation. This again stresses on information (sensitive or trivial) should be available to the public to effectively question the government.

My consideration of the issue has explored factors such as spreading of corruption, miss manage in utilization of money, and incorrect statements broadcasted to people. These considerations led me to agree with the blanket statement that information should be available to public as this will be beneficial to the society. Presence of every single information will empower people who have right to question their leaders, as government is elected by people of the democratic society.
iamtrying   
Oct 28, 2012
Writing Feedback / A nation should be responsible for the health, welfare and prosperity of its citizens [5]

Review Request: My content, grammar, sentence structure and how can I improve it more. .
NOTE:: PLEASE REVIEW THE WHOLE ESSAY.

TOPIC : A nation should be responsible for the health, welfare and prosperity of its citizens.

A Nation consists of people from different status, religion and knowledge. Some might feel that a nation should not create policies for every individual but I agree with the statement that a nation is responsible for the wellbeing of its citizen. Hence, a nation should develop policies which should protect the citizen's health, welfare and their basic living.

First, a nation should concentrate on the welfare of its citizen. Nation should create policies to curb terrorist activities and should protect its people. They should take severe action against those who disturb the peace of their people. This will instill believe in their country people which will be beneficial for the nation in a number of ways. This will reduce expatriates who would like to move to another country which is safe. As an example, due to the massive terrorist activities prevailing in Pakistan, many Pakistani's have left their country and shifted to other safer countries. Movement of people from its country will lead to other repercussion like lack of knowledgeable people who are important to drive the nation. Thus, if the welfare of the country people is not taken with utmost sincerity it could be detrimental to the nation in the long run.

Second, in addition to the welfare of the people, I feel a nation should also create beneficial health related policies. With the uncontrolled growth in health expenses it is extremely difficult for an average earner to meet his family health expenses. Looking into the details shared by government of India, health expenses have grown five folds compared to the wages and salaries which have just grown one fold since a decade. Statistics shows clearly that health policies should be constructed for the national benefit. The health policies should allow tax exemptions for individual health related expenses. In addition, there should also be policies allowing free medication for poor people. Unless, this is met health issue could lead to deaths in large numbers and it could also lead to spread out diseases over the whole country. This in turn could have negative effects to country's tourism; corporate branches been closed by overseas companies; and airplanes from the effected country not allowed in other safer countries. Hence, a good health policy can save a nation from a number of unforeseen issues.

Third, alongside the issue of welfare and health, I think basic living of an individual is also an important point which a nation should consider. Nation should check whether basic requirement by every individual is met. For example, if the basic living of farmers is not met then they might shift to other work. Farming is important for every nation as it supplies a country with enough food required for its population. Lack of farming might lead to importing food from other countries which in turn augment national expenses and in turn lead to expensive food products. Moreover, this can cause malnutrition as poor people cannot afford expensive food. This shows that a nation should develop policies so that a basic requirement of every individual is met.

My consideration of the issue of national responsibility has explored factors - citizen welfare, citizen health and basic living requirements for every individual. These considerations led me to believe with the blanket statement that a nation should concentrate and develop policies related to health, welfare and should also check whether the basic requirement is met by its country people.
iamtrying   
Oct 28, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I did Bachelor in Arts in Pakistan' - admission in fashion design course [4]

From the childhood I always had interested in fashion.

Since my childhood I was interested in dresses and stiching while led to my interest is fashion. [ You cant be interested in fashion since childhood. ] .

Your essay is too short. Get some sampled from the essayforum which will help you.
iamtrying   
Oct 8, 2012
Writing Feedback / Problems in relationships have led to separation ; Conflict and Relationship [5]

Some people believe strong relationships develop only after conflict and revolution have enabled the partners to speak openly and trust deeply. Others believe that each conflict creates rift in a relationship that can never be repaired, weakening its foundation.

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There have been situations when problems in relationships have led to separation between the parties. However, in my opinion, stronger relationship is developed with resolutions, understanding and trust . I believe this, as relationship is filled with issues and problems which are inseparable. A relationship can survive if we try to find a solution to the issues , try to know each other from the mistakes and trust each other in spite of issues. An absence in any of these could lead to a rift between the parties.

First, I think that development of a conflict and finding a solution to remove the conflict leads to stronger a relationship. Those who consider issues as a part of relationship are not effected by any problems. Whenever there are any issues they would try to ascertain a solution to it and would promise each other not to commit the mistake again. The other solution could have been a separation but as they are aware of the fact that issues are a part of good relationship they would accept it , find a solution and move forward. For example, government of India is formed by UPA party which is a coalition of several smaller parties. There are hundreds of issue which happen between these smaller parties but none effects the bonding of the coalition party. If parties would have concentrated only on the problems then there wouldn't have been any stable government. So I believe, that finding a solution to any problems would lead to a strong bond.

Second, issues between parties allow them to know each other better. In India, marriage leads to a new relationship between two individuals. People do not know each other before marriage but still an Indian marriage is as stronger as a strong chemical bond. It is very certain that there will be conflicts between parties as they are two unknown souls to each other. In spite of that, both the parties try to learn from each other's mistakes to know one another better. If issues would have caused separation then marriages in India would never be successful. This again leads us back that for a good relationship both the parties should try to know each other from the conflicts between them.

Third, strong tie up between the people are developed when both the partners trust each other. In a good relationship, the main acting force is the trust between the parties. For example, there is a bonding of trust between my manager and me. There have been a number of instances when I was not able to complete my work in time. On questioning, I always spoke truly and gave the actual reason. Even though, he was repeatedly told by the higher management to take action against me he still believed me. Our relationship could have been damaged but a feeling of trust still binds them.

To sum up, I would agree with the blanket statement that conflicts and promises leads to a stronger relationship. This has been strengthened from the point that finding a solution to a problem in spite of issues, trying to know each other from problems and a feeling of trust which develops a strong relationship.
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