Undergraduate / Story from your life - University of Washington Essay; "myopic" [4]

I NEED A CONCLUSION. and also this exceeds the word count if that matters so if there's anywhere that needs to be cut out than please do it.

This essay was written in an hour flat so criticize all you want (:

1. Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.

One word that describes my past personality would be "myopic". The word in its literal definition means nearsighted, but symbolically that word transcended the many numerous experiences of my life that have shaped who I am today. What I mean by that is that during my years of becoming a teenager, I was very close-minded, only perceiving things that were set before me. I was simply improvident with my future, and with that my life began to take a noticeable toll. It was not until the crisis of the summer of 2010 that allowed me to realize that this shortsighted mindset was not suitable for my future.

My parents have been married for 22 years and I have always revered them for staying together for so long. The majority of my friends' parents were divorced, and I was grateful that their problems never adhered to me, or so I thought until the summer going into my junior year. After unsuccessful attempts in starting a business, my father had finally taken the job offered to him by a company in California. My mom began living as a single mom for the next 3 years, caring for her 3 sons. My father seldom visited GA at most maybe 3 times a year. Though it was never much of a deal to me to not have a father figure, I never took in the fact that it was significantly affecting my mom. While we were beginning to feel fatherless, my mother was husbandless. She put up a façade daily, acting as if she was fine, but there were times when I heard my mother cry in her closet all night. My mom and I were experts at keeping away from each other's affairs so I simply never conversed with her about her late night cries.

My dad would always tell us that he'd bring us to California but it never happened and we began doubting my dad's motives. But finally, during the summer, my dad had finalized the preparations of our move to CA, his goal: to mend our family back together. His goal seemed promising since we'd all soon be under the same roof once again until the unthinkable happened. My father approached me informing me of a secret affair between my mother and another man. His whole purpose to "mend" our family back together seemed futile now.

The inevitable started beginning with talks turning into yells, and questions turning into fights. Through the chaos, I was forced to abandon my "myopic" persona and to prepare for the future. I was unsure what would happen to my family if my parents were to go through their divorce. I prepared for the worst, informing my brothers of what was going on. During those awful nights, I had to assume a strong leadership role for my younger brothers so they would not succumb to the doubts and thoughts of the last word we ever wanted to hear, divorce. Though my parents' situation was disheartening, my relationship with my brothers grew unimaginably closer. I began realizing the benefits of abandoning my initial "myopic" interpretations of life. I felt more attentive and more prioritized with my future.

As time progressed, my parents' relationship began digressing rapidly. Dad slept out in the car, mom slept inside. When Dad walked beside my mom, the act of "holding hands" became nonexistent. The imminent signing of legal papers seemed closer than ever. But as soon as school started, my parents began to speak softer to each other. The absence of a yell, which was a luxury before, seemed to take place in our household. My father had given my mom one last chance and my mom took that opportunity to rebuild the marriage they once had. With time and counseling, my parents began to accept their past as the past and move on towards their new life in California. What was an almost "divorce" soon turned back into the relationship I had formerly admired.

From this climax in my life, I was able to learn the values of being a leader as well as the values of keeping a family together. I realized the disadvantages of being myopic so with the abandonment of that insight, I became shaped to someone who was

Undergraduate / UC ESSAY-The world you come from; understanding of my identity was a bipolar rollercoaster [2]

IF THERE IS ANYTHING AT ALL THAT CAN BE TAKEN OUT, FEEL FREE TO DO SO. cause sadly since im the writer, i want to keep everything. but both together are well over the limit( about 250 words). so please cut out anything that is unnecessary please.

#1 Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

As I was growing up, my understanding of my identity was a bipolar rollercoaster. "Elliott, be proud you're Korean" my dad would reiterate to me, but in actuality, I was never truly proud of my ethnicity. It's not that I hated being Korean; I mean the food was great but I never really interacted with other Koreans much outside of family reunions. During my years in grade school, I had grown up in the city of Cumming, Georgia. Cumming was predominantly white compared to the diversity in California. My influences revolved around the life of a southern white individual and soon I began to adapt to their culture.

My parents were worried due to the fact that I began to be consumed with popularity and secular things, rather than being focused towards school like a stereotypical Asian. "Asian" became a surface, rather than an identity and I began to convince myself that I was "white". There was a moment when my own lacrosse coach had forgotten my ethnicity when he nonchalantly labeled our team, "all white." I earned the label, "white-washed", which I disliked because it gave the notion that I had neglected my own identity. The label served as a nickname to my peers, but as a reality check to me. Who was I trying to be? I started to realize that I was deceiving myself into thinking I was someone entirely different. Had I intentionally tried to be avoidant of my own race?

My family had recently discovered a distant Korean church and I took this as an opportunity to affiliate myself with people of my race. I unexpectedly grew a relationship with the Korean youth group in a brief time.

I noticed that with Koreans there was a sense of "relatability" absent with my school friends. Whenever my school friends came over, I was always embarrassed to even open my fridge since the majority of it's content, such as the jar of pickled cabbage, would put them in disgust. But with Koreans, my fridge was paradise containing pickled cabbage to rice cakes. When with Koreans, I was introduced to so many things that I had been missing out on. From all you can eat Korean BBQ to singing Karaoke; I began to gradually understand Korean culture. The language was becoming more familiar to me since they spoke "Konglish", a mix of both Korean and English, which allowed me to add Korean words to my own vocabulary. Each new thing I encountered created an inexplicable sense of nostalgia that enticed me to want to know more of my heritage.

Since I was one of the few Asians at my school, I was vulnerable to criticism by my peers. I had the fear of being judged constantly, but with my Korean friends, that fear became nonexistent. I began to realize there was no need to try to be someone I was not, rather I embraced my true identity openly.

At first, my world was a formed by my attempt of conformity. But this simple Korean Church allowed me to finally understanding my father's words, "Be proud you're Korean" and I was more than ever. I was unashamed of my ethnicity and my world became molded through my newfound love of my culture. [how should I conclude?]

WORD COUNT: 566

#2 Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

How true is it that many times we let our prejudices deface a person we barely know? We criticize people through accusations towards their actions, but we never question their motives. Or rather we let their clever facades trick us into thinking their lives are perfect and that they're fine, but in reality they are likely going insane due to problems at home or at school. [Should I just cut that out?] As a student who was naturally gifted at putting up facades in times of grief, I understood that sometimes we need someone that will just "listen".

In the beginning of my junior year, I entered school with burdens fabricated by my parents. My parents, through circumstances, were at the brink of a divorce, which took a detrimental toll on the lives of my brothers and I. After a summer of inexplicable chaos, the signing of legal documents seemed imminent and I felt powerless. All I could do was stay strong for my brothers, to be their leader and comforter.

In addition to my parent's situation, my junior year started off simply terrible. I was the new kid so my focus was more in finding friends, than in preparations for college. I came to school each day, emotionally drained and physically tired. I had what you called "surface" friends, daily peers that greeted you with nothing more than a hi and an inappropriate gossip/comment. I desired a "true friend".

Given this situation, I pursued to make a change in my life at school and with that attitude, become a change in others as well. I applied for ASB, the most involved program at school, and went to my interview with one goal: to be a change in the lives of students at RBHS. Immediately I was considered for HRC Commissioner, a position that hosted and facilitated the Humans Relations Conference, which can be described almost as an "emotional therapy" for sophomores. I was ecstatic since HRC was exactly the change I wanted to see in the school.

As we organized this year's Humans Relations Conference, my co-commissioner and I chose the theme "Your Story Matters", effortlessly expressing the fact that in HRC, your story truly matters to us. Since rumors are spread so easily, we hoped that our theme would lead sophomores to understand that they'll be embraced with open arms and listening ears. Through nights of reading applications in search of our facilitators, laborious hours of financing, and early morning set ups, the day soon came and everyone was full of energy. We began HRC with a quote from Aristotle, "You get out what you put in", I was given the chance to witness actions people would never have made before. During our "shout out" period we gave the stage to the sophomores, allowing them to get something off their chests if they needed to. More than 10 sophomores apologized to someone that they may have hurt in previous years, an action that never crossed their mind initially when they entered HRC.

HRC exceeded my expectations undoubtedly. The day concluded with sophomores approaching their facilitators with smiles and tears thanking them for making this a memorable day in their lives. Students who assumed HRC was just "a stupid room filled with sad people and tears" came out knowing it was much more than that. Yes, it was a room full of sad people and tears, but that room was full of people who'd changed their outlooks on their surroundings. Many "new" students, whom I was able to relate to, came out with loyal and true friends.

Being a part of HRC allowed me to fulfill my expectations to be that change I set out to be. I witnessed the unthinkable and with that I feel blessed to have been both a commissioner and a part of HRC. HRC not only affected me as a person, but also it set the foundation for future positions of leadership I may be given in the future as I enter my senior year and college career.

WORD COUNT: 674

Undergraduate / ORDER UP!- COMMON APP WORK EXPERIENCE ESSAY [NEW]

All commentary and criticism accepted. If you can shorten things, please do.

Work experience common app essay.

"Pikachu! Order!" I had finally grown accustomed to the new nickname my fellow workers had given me since I'd started a job at Rubio's. The nickname didn't only serve as a moniker but served as more as the final step into my initiation process into the close "familia" that I would soon love and enjoy the company of. Rubio's became the first place I received my first paycheck, my first warning, my first order, my first tip and my first apron. The ordinary Mexican restaurant became the foundation of my work experience by not only teaching me how to operate efficiently but also humility. At the start of looking for jobs, part of me wanted an insight of the people who work behind the counters of fast food chains so I chose Rubio's. I endured days filled with monotony and physical exhaustion, cleaning, serving, and refilling. I wondered why anyone would keep this job for years, until a pair of overworked eyes told me.

"This job is my life", Maria said wearily. Under her apathetic eyes, the reason why she put up with this meaningless, mundane job was revealed. Her job decides between a life of being a vagabond of the streets or living in a home. This humbling moment gave me a pure insight of the life of a worker.

Undergraduate / 'An average Mexican restaurant' - COMMON APP- WORK EXPERIENCE [2]

PLEASE HELP/EDIT/ REVISE/ ETC.
Any criticism or advice is highly appreciated.

In the summer of 2012, I wanted to uphold the responsibilities of holding a job so with that I chose to apply for a simple job at the local Rubio's. Though to many, Rubio's is just an average fast food "Mexican" restaurant, but for me it was the basis and the foundation of my work experience.

From working at Rubio's, I've been able to gain a sense of humility both towards the restaurant and towards my surroundings. Before my job at Rubio's, I took the work done by the "people in the back" for granted, not knowing their story and the reason they work hard to keep their jobs. But by working at Rubio's, I gained an insight into the lives of the workers and an appreciation of what they do. By working at Rubio's, I learned key traits such as humility, which have allowed me to gain some recognition among people starting with my parents. I also was able to exercise my communicative skills, which are key in any business/marketing related field. A simple fast food job may be noted as nothing towards any person, but for me, it's an experience that has ultimately impacted me. "All things start somewhere"