Undergraduate / 'Learning in America' - Describe the world you come from (my immigration) [2]

Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

The problem is as looked at so many of the essays on this site alone, so many people are immigrants and have wrote the same way. NEED HELP WITH HOW I CAN MAKE IT STAND OUT. and GRAMMAR errors too. thanks

My aspirations were shaped ever since I migrated to America. From a young age, I have been enthusiastic about school and learning. Seeing that I was a diligent and motivated student, with talents in both art and music, my father was inspired to find a way to bring me to America for a brighter future. After three years of hope and anxiety, we were disappointed to hear that my mother's visa was not ready; we did not hear anything for months and decided to take the risk of coming to the U.S. without my mother, before our visas expired. The worst moment of my life was when I left my mother behind the airport security.

After migration, being introduced to a new country and completely different culture emotionally debilitated me. I was forced to put myself in my mother's shoes, do all of the housework, care for my one-year-old brother and, above all, the most inundating challenge, learn English. However, my strong will to learn English actually helped me overcome these weaknesses. It took over a year and countless of sleepless nights, but eventually, it all paid off as I earned the "Certificate of Reclassification," symbolizing my English proficiency. This achievement and having my mother living with us again assured me that I will overcome even more challenging obstacles on the pathway through achieving my dreams.

This migration has instilled hope and motivation in me. Hearing my mother's voice over the phone, strong but with a surge of emotions that falls short of cries, talking with her fourteen-year-old daughter and having her one-year-old son grow up away from her made me realize her sacrifices and perseverance for improving my life. Watching my mother overlooking everything that she had built throughout years and continuing her education in America inspired me to take the same approach and amplified my strength and motivation to be successful in this country. Taking this experience as an opportunity for a better life fortifies me to take one step closer toward my educational goal. As a result, with my parents' support and my own tenacity and optimism, I have decided to compensate my mother's sacrifices by paying back to the community that made my future possible.

Having always dreamt of becoming a dentist, I was very excited to volunteer in a dental office this summer. Preparing the instruments and room for patients, communicating with them, and using the new medical colloquialism that I have learned allows me to visualize my future as a dentist and motivates me to follow my dreams. Being able to put my hands on the instruments while talking with the orthodontist about the patient's diagnosis engaged and inspired me to seriously pursue this career and become a beneficial member of my community.

My immigration and intern experience has made me a more committed, responsible, and resilient individual who is ambitious for greater successes in this country I now call home.

Undergraduate / 'Santoor music' - Stanford roommate short essay [4]

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Do you think the last part about my expectations is unnecessary and I should use it do describe myself more?

Dear roommate,
As we start our adventure toward achieving our dreams,I know we will pass lots of ups and downs together and I am just so excited for it to get it started.Persians have an expression that says,"You will never really get to know a person until you live with them under a roof."As much as I know this letter cannot fully describe me to you,I want to start by telling you some of the things that I enjoy and care about.

Though it might not quite sound like it on paper, my friends know me as a very funny person.I can laugh with you all you want until our faces turn blue!One the other side,I'm serious at times and I can listen to you as long as you want.

I have an extrovert personality and love traveling;if a Friday class is canceled,you probably won't find me until the next Monday as I come back from a trip.I love watching movies and shopping too.Thus,if you enjoy any of these activities,we can spend hours wandering in the mall or theater, or making snow balls in Lake Tahoe.

I'm a huge music lover.My instrument,Santoor, is a very important part of my personality.Although it is a very different type of music,I'm applying classic Piano songs to it.If you like music too,we can gather and create something;I'll take request and learn to play any songs you like.

I can spend hours staring at an oil painting.You might not see canvas and brushes everywhere in our room, but every now and then, if I am in the mood,I really can't help it but to start painting.The truth is,if there was nothing on Earth to learn, my days would probably end up only playing music and painting.

With all of this said, there are certain things that I don't like.Please, let us have a clean, tidy room.Also,I prefer to host friends outside of our room.We can chat more about this and I will certainly accommodate your expectations.

I am looking forward to spending the most memorable years of my lives together and I hope to be a good roommate for you.
Regards,
Your future roommate,
[my name]

Undergraduate / 'A citizen of Earth' - Stanford short essay--What matters to you and why? [7]

Hello, this is my response for one of Stanford's short essay prompts. I'm not grammar's best friend, so feel free to correct me. Also, my response it 80 characters more than it should be, so please let me know where I can cut. Do you think it is a little boring or needs a little more insight of what I think about traveling? There is not a lot of space and I don't know how to fit information. so many thanks in advance.

Here it is:

As I look around my room,the magnets on my white board from all the different places that I have visited are what first catch my attention.Each of my trips opens my imagination to a whole new world of beautiful memories,life lessons,and great experiences;that's when I know how much traveling matters to me.

Although I have started traveling when I was 40 days old,my motivation to visit every inch of my country was sparked as I first visited the palace of Iran's first king,constructed about 7000 years ago.While growing up as an adventurer who sought to explore her history and culture,I began to sense my profound passion for enhancing my personality as well as deepening my knowledge.While visiting the city of Napa,I encountered the Darioush Winery,a small area dedicated to Darioush's palace in Iran.Seeing the glorifying yet burnt palace reconstructed in America touched my heart, made me believe that every inch of the universe is my home, and fortified me to expand the knowledge of my community about Iran by becoming a member of Culture Club.

Traveling has also been the best friend who gave me the greatest life lessons.While staring at the dusty stars on the ground of Holleywood,I learned that it is only people's memories that remain forever.I decided to work hard for my dreams,be the most successful in my subject,and leave a valuable and eternal legacy for my community.I have been able to learn life lessons from unpleasant trips as well.The most prominent example is when I almost faced death for being stuck in a car that was covered with 10 feet of snow for 48 hours.After surviving this natural disaster,I learned that the future is unpredictable;thus I began to count every second of my life as a precious treasure that I must take good care of and enjoy.

As a citizen of Earth, I believe in Robert Stevenson's quote that says: "There are no foreign lands.It is the traveler only who is foreign." I cannot wait to discover my planet while visiting the fascinating pyramids in Egypt, the beautiful Venice,the devouring,wild adventure in Africa,and the exciting London Eye ride.