Writing Feedback / Technology is clever - Present Paragraph [2]

Our assignment is to write a paragraph about the present tense with correct spelling, grammer, capitilisation, orginisation, punctuation etc. It should have a proper paragraph sturucture. Can you please check if for me. Are the topic sentence and conclusion sentence good?

Technology is a clever and valuable tool which Wal-Mart has used outstandingly. A company called Wal-Mart, that is located all over the world, uses the web to provide comfort and loyalty to their customers. On their website, to gain the reliability and loyalty to their costumers they have "customer written" newsletters and review.

They have provided a similar point of view of "a costumer" so they can believe it.
On their website, to provide comfort to their costumers they have given the entire products catalogue online and on the top right in bright yellow, a store locater.

This strategy has succeeded for Wal-Mart and has grabbed their customers attention since everyone has access to their website, whether it's on a phone or computer.

I am glad that Wal-Mart has realised that they must have an in-depth understanding of who their customers are and what they really want.
These "technology related strategies" that Wal-Mart has used are exceptionally clever and provide customers with easy access and a great deal of comfort.

Thanks in advance :)

Writing Feedback / Future Paragraph; Integrated Marketing Communication (IMC) strategy [2]

Our assignment is to write a paragraph about the present tense with correct spelling, grammer, capitilisation, orginisation, punctuation etc. It should have a proper paragraph sturucture. Can you please check if for me. Are the topic sentence and conclusion sentence good?

In the near future, I believe that marketing scholars are going to start using the Integrated Marketing Communication (IMC) strategy very often. Integrated Marketing Communication (IMC) is an approach to have different marketing styles to work together and create an all-in-one experience for the customer. This should in an exclusive and relevant style so that it reinforces the brand's main message. Being relevant to your customer improves brand memory and boosts their engagement since they understand clearly about what's going on. IMC is integrating all aspects of marketing communication such as advertising, sales promotion, public relations, direct marketing, personal selling, online communications and social media to work together as a joined strength, instead of passing each to work in loneliness. This strategy will maximize their cost value. Instead of seeing just how a brand/company advertises, they can be understood by seeing how all features of their communications ecosystem work together and in particular how communications are personalized for each customer and react in real time, as in a discussion. Overall, this wonderful strategy can really boost a company's sales and should be used in the near future since it is easy to keep up with and easy to reach the customers.

Thanks in advance :) It's due in one hour :(

Should I add this? where?

Since users spend more time online and on mobile devices all exposures of the brand need to tie together so they are more likely to be remembered.

Research shows that 72% of consumers want to be engaged with an integrated marketing approach, but only 39% are receiving that.
Google found that consumers had 74% brand memory when the advertiser's integrated strategy carried across mobile, TV and online.

Writing Feedback / Past Paragaph - "sell-as-much-as-we-can" method [5]

Our assignment is to write a paragraph about the past tense with correct spelling, grammer, capitilisation, orginisation, punctuation etc. It should have a proper paragraph sturucture. Can you please check if for me. Are the topic sentence and conclusion sentence good?

From the old days of marketing (before the 1950s) when marketing scholars were very unconcerned about the customers point of view to after 1950 there was a big difference in the marketing procedures. Before the 1950s marketing often meant finding strategies and tactics to selling more products and services without even thinking about what customers themselves wanted.

Back then, companies used a "sell-as-much-as-we-can" method without a concern about building relationships for the long term. In my opinion, this is not a nice or the proper way to think about the customers with. But after the 1950 there was a drastic change in the way the marketing scholars looked at the consumers. After the 1950s, companies started looking at the point of view of the consumer they started to believe that they should think about building a better relationship and behavior between sellers and buyers and only after that should they do the process of marketing products and services. This would then benefit a company and therefore could increase their sales. This is the drastic change of the main Marketing Strategy marketing scholars used from before the 1950s and after the 1950s.

Thanks and Regards :)

Writing Feedback / Your Music, Your Emotions, You (news article for concert) [NEW]

Please read this and tell me ASAP, what the mistakes and everything else that's wrong. I will reply to one of your threads too if you do mine :). It's supposed to be a news article for this concert we went to.

Your Music, Your Emotions, You

By Bani Arora, November 14, 2012

This article is about the concert that took place on November 6, 2012 at Roy Thompson Hall. The tittle of this concert was "Olé! A Celebration of Spanish Classical Music". The conductor was Evan Mitchell. There were two guests who joined us at this concert, Jason Vieaux (Guitar) and Daniel Haas (Cello).

The "Castillane" from Le Cid featured the castanets and was played 3rd and composed by Jules Massenet. The castanets make a fast clicking sound, this added suspiciousness to the motions this piece of music was presenting. There was also a feeling of gratefulness being displayed in the piece of music when the other instruments are playing. This would be the perfect music to put put on if someone had just won the gold medal in the Olympics after trying many times.

The "Jota" from Suite populaire espagnole was played 6th a composed by Manuel De Falla. This song to me represented many mixed emotions. The music showed grief at one moment, then motivation, then grief again, and in the end rejection.

The "Fandango asturiano" from Capriccio Espagnol was played 7th and composed by Rimsky-Karsoakov. This song remided me of a bird in a rain forest as a steady beat until it hides from something and then it's in a lot of tension and it gets scared.

The "Boléro" was played 9th and composed by Maurice Ravel. This song was very interesting and talked to me in some way when it was being played. It evoked my emotions towards the end, it represented to me when I was stressed. I think this happened because the number of instruments, speed and pitch all got higher and faster. I notice that the composer had the snare drum in playing the same two bars over and over while instruments joined in and took their turn playing the melody this added to the stress it showed.

This concert is highly recommended for my wonderful readers, it's a great learning opportunity for all ages.