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Posts by sebastiann436
Joined: Nov 25, 2012
Last Post: Dec 7, 2012
Threads: 3
Posts: 4  

From: West Java

Displayed posts: 7
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sebastiann436   
Dec 7, 2012
Undergraduate / I represented my school at Physics Olympiad- university entrance essay [3]

i'm going to apply to a university and they asked me to write an essay, 2000 char. long, including spaces, about one of my achievement, please help! any feedback would be much appreciated!

Some days before this year's Science Olympiad, my teacher told me that I'll be sent as my school's representative for this year's Physics Olympiad. Totally unprepared for the olympiad, I began my study about the related topic as soon as possible. I came to my physics teacher to study but instead of teaching me, she gave me some exam samples and asked me to study on my own. Left with no other option, I studied individually. I used every single sources I could use, start from books and modules from my school's library, to test questions and any other sources from google. I gave all I have to prepare myself for this olympiad. I studied whenever I could between gaps in class schedules and divide my time as efficiently as possible to study physics and working on my scientific paper project, which I was working on by that time, while in the other hand I still had to do other school assignments and study for other school exams. Sometimes I had to forfeit some of my assignments in order to prepare myself for the olympiad. Some of my friends were being so pessimistic about me to be able to proceed to any higher level in this olympiad since no one from my school ever passed even the first test. Trying hard to neglect their comments, I kept improving myself for the test. Sometimes between those times when I study I felt just how boring physics is, or how badly I wanted to spend my time doing some other fun, or at least to learn something else just other than physics. But I retain my full performance until the end of the olympiad, since this is what I had to do.

I was able to reach the province level for that olympiad, to be a representative for my regency. That was a notable achievement not only for myself, but also for my school. I gave my full effort for this test, for the my scientific paper project, and I'll always gave my full effort for something I have to do in my life or something I wanted to achieve, esspecially for my plans and goals in for life, for my future.
sebastiann436   
Dec 7, 2012
Undergraduate / "Why major in film? It's such a waste of your intelligence." [3]

perhaps you wanted to say that you hear those comments again and again, but when you said, ' I couldn't seem to hear the end of that' on the first pharagraph it seems like you can't hear the end of the phrase,

on the last phar. don't judge that they don't give any value to the world of film making, perhaps you could say that it don't get much attention

hope this helps, overall, it's a really good essay! goodluck
sebastiann436   
Nov 26, 2012
Scholarship / Summary of Undergraduate Study - Architecture [3]

you could tell more about how those things could help blind or visually impaired peoples, and give more explanations in some strong points or benefits they will gain by having the related facilities,
sebastiann436   
Nov 26, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'What Plans Do for Me' - Scholarship essay [NEW]

i'll need to make an essay for scholarship application which i should submit before december 10th, the topic should be about something that changes my life and less than 300 words,

it's still around 260 words, so please if you could give me one or two sentence, please help, any valuable feedbacks or corrections would be needed too , thank you, before!

Nearly two years ago I began to make a goal setting and plans for my life. Though it does not seem to be so important at first, but as I decide what I wanted to do, and to be, I began to realize what I should do in order to reach that goals. It has brought me into a whole new focus in my life. Not only that it made me focused in what I wanted to achieve, in some ways, it has taught me how to learn, how to study, not just what to study. Learning A Level subjects has forced me to study in a quick pace in both school and A Level lessons in order to keep up with both. I began to attend more class after school to study A Level, especially mathematics and physics. Sometimes, I'll have to sacrifice some things in order to have other thing which I should have to achieve my goal. It is, indeed, a stressing thing for me when I had to let go all my weekends to study. But having a goal has somehow encourages me to do my best for it. The idea of achieving my goal has encouraged me to do better, to give more than my usual.

Perhaps, for some people, having a goal does not mean a thing for them. But for me, it has gave me a direction on what I wanted to be, and how. It encourage me to give more than I usually do, and to focus my actions on what I wanted to be.
sebastiann436   
Nov 26, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'experiences for future life and job' - TOEFL:Why people attend university? [4]

"...the most important reason..."
"....is to increase knowledge...someone who wants to be a medic..."
"...because educated people is more respectable for the society..."
"...the third.."
"...challenges and to make connections with other students around the world..."
"..teach them..."
"going to a university or a college which located in another city far from family coul also help us..."

sorry i still don't know how to give the quotations in the right way,
i correct what i could, hope this helps!
sebastiann436   
Nov 26, 2012
Scholarship / 'Do your best' - scholarship essay [2]

i'll need to make an essay to apply for scholarship,, the essay must be about 'beliefs or values you hold strongly', it should be less than 300 words, please help me to edit it. i'll have to submit it before december 15, and i'm still not very confident about my essay,

any feedback would be much appreciated, thx!

'Do Your Best, and God Will Do the Rest'. I began to believe those words some years after I first heard it. For me, not only that it encourages me to always do my best in my life, but is also gave me hope to do things which I thought I couldn't. I realized that, sometimes when we make plans, some unexpected things could happen. Some things that could either break those plans or, in other fortunate times, gave us even more gain than we predicted. Some other times we had to face things which seemed to be an impossible thing. Last year, just a few days before the Science Olympiad began, my teacher told me that I'll be sent as my school's representative for that year's Physics Olympiad. That time I haven't prepared a thing, and all I have is a few days to study. My physics teacher didn't prepare me for the upcoming test, instead she gave me some test samples and asked me to study on my own. And I did study on my own. I gave all I could to prepare myself for the olympiad just some days ahead. It's a surprising thing that I could proceed to province level of the olympiad, since I was the first from my school to ever proceed to this level in physics. I make plans for my future. I do my best to make it happen, but still, from time to time something would go wrong and make my plans seemed impossible. Sometimes I revise my plans, sometimes I don't. What I knew I can do is to do my best for what I have planned, to give all I can for my plans, and pray that God will do the rest.
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