Writing Feedback / Argumentative Essay : Living on campus [8]

This is my essay, please read then give me comment about academic word and structures i used. Thanks~~

There are widely differing views on the issue of whether students should live on campus or not. Some people would suggest that it is more healthier to live off campus. However, i personally believe that living on campus have more benefit for students during college in terms of saving economically and good studying environment.

Firstly, it can be argued that students can save more money when living on campus . The room price is usually lower in a dorm when compared with other places. Moreover, electricity and Internet price are reasonable as well. Students can spend that money that save on buying books and other things which are necessary for their life. Living on campus is a effective way to use your money wisely.

Another advantage of living on campus is that students living on campus can have a good studying environment. Friends usually have the same objective, which is learning, and developing themselves, thus they push themselves to study to compete with other fellows. For instance, many students can make a group study sessions to help each other, and it will help in getting high grades. A research concludes that living in residence hall and cooperative houses has a positive influence on student grade point average.

Some people indicate that living off campus is more healthier eating because fast food in campus cafeteria is not good for students. Nonetheless, all that fast food are not good for health and if students do not like to eat fast food , they can have a good meal with fresh food in canteen.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that living on campus is a good way for students to save economically and have a good studying environment.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Movies or Books? Which is beneficial for a child's development? [8]

Please check languages, structures and give the comments. Thanks

Movies or Books? Which is beneficial for a child's development?
Give your opinion.

The development of children is one of top concerns of every parents. Some people said that child approaching movies is the best choice, while others said books is better. I would argue that books is beneficial for a child's development than movies regarding mental development, academic development, and verbal development.

First of all, one of the major beneficial books affecting a child's development is the mental development. Books can let children have a more of an imagination when reading. There is only the description used in the text which allows them to create an image in their head of what the characters look like and their facial expressions. When watching a movie, however, children see what the director wants them to see, and they hear the voices through the actor's interpretation of their lines. Moreover, when you are watching a movie, it is very easy to get distracted by music of sounds and multiple tasks, but when reading a book, it usually has a child's full attention.

Another vantage point of books is over movies in terms of academic development of a child in the future when reading books. By dint of reading books, children will improve their writing skills better. As they read, they learn subconsciously how to mold plots, create speech patterns, and make realistic characters. Furthermore, children are capable of gaining stronger analytical thinking skill. While reading, children analyze details in hand, then they discuss the book with others, they will be able to state their opinions clearly. This skill can get by watching movies, but reading books help chilren develop more by critiquing the plot and determining whether it was a well-written piece.

Finally, with verbal development, books tend to gain more favourable than movies. Books are able to help children increase more vocabularies and syntax. Reading forces us to look at words that we might not have seen or heard recently at the pub. It helps you learn to spell words , lets you understand the meaning of words and structures and how to use them. On the other hand, watching movies only help children with speaking skills, and even more, there are many bad words in movies. In fact, language in children's books are likely to be more sophisticated than your average conversation. In short, reading books is also vital for learning languages of a child.

In summary, books are really indispensable parts of a child's development.

Writing Feedback / Plato statement - There are many different types of music; Why we need it? [6]

Please check my essay. Show me my weak parts and if possible rate it with IELTS band

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything." With this statement, Plato, a famous philosopher, recognized the importance of music . Music is a crucial part of all human cultures for a range of reasons, and I would argue that traditional music is more important than modern, international music.

Music is a thing that lives with all of us throughout our lives. As a children, thanks to lullaby of mother, we can sleep earier. Then, we are taught songs by our parents and teachers as a means of learning language, or simply as a form of enjoyment. Later in life, while growing up, we listen to a variety of music types of the world, so we can find out favourite songs. By dint of music, we finds friends that have something in common such as music styles, favorite singers. Moreover, when we get some stress in life, music is a way to relax. Music makes us love this life more ,and even heal our souls around the world. Music both expresses and arouses emotions in a way that words alone can not. In short, it is hard to imagine life without music.

From my perspective, traditional music should be valued over the international music that has become so popular. International pop music is often catchy and fun, but it is essentially a commercial product that is marketed and sold by business people. In the long run, it makes people feel bored because they listen them in lon g time. Traditional music, by contrast, expresses the culture, customs and history of a country. Furthermore, it connects us to the past and form part of our cultural identity. Traditional music is a sense of history, place and community.

By way of conclusion, , music is a necessary part of human existence, and I believe that traditional music should be given more importance than international music.