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Posts by 0livegreen
Joined: Dec 2, 2012
Last Post: Jan 14, 2013
Threads: 5
Posts: 11  
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From: United States of America

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0livegreen   
Jan 14, 2013
Undergraduate / Gazing @ Stars; Bryn Mawr - Educational Experience [4]

Please attach an essay of no more than one page telling us what you think you would gain from the educational experience at Bryn Mawr and what you would contribute to the community.

After being apart for many months, my best friend and I were sitting on the brick steps of my house on a balmy summer night spectating the nightfall's performance of flashing lights and trying to make sense of her celestial connect-the-dots.

"What about that one?"
"That's a star."
"I knew it! Okay, what about this one here?"
"A planet."
"What? I thought it was a star!" I sulked. "How can you tell?"
"..because stars twinkle and planets don't."
Taken aback by this, I pondered it for some time. How could two things that look so similar to each other at first glance be differentiated to quickly?

"Why?" I finally asked.
"..because stars are much farther away from us than planets, this causes their light to be bent and so when we see them.."
To me, there is something romantic about learning something you never knew before, how increasing my knowledge can steal my breath away and leave me wanting more. For me, sharing this love for learning is incredibly personal; I often visit libraries and bookstores with my dearest companions. It is no coincidence that those who I choose to surround myself with share this love for discovery. My life is composed of gathering fragments of information, and somehow piecing them together to become more complete. My interests range in a variety of subjects, which is why I think an education that focuses on expertise across multiple disciplines, would benefit me most.

Climactic discoveries don't necessarily need to happen in a classroom; learning can happen anywhere, at any time. I want to continue to nourish my relationship with knowledge, and at Bryn Mawr I not only will be doing so each day, I will be surrounded by people who share the same passion and desire for unlocking the unknown.

it might be a bit short, i had some trouble on knowing what to write please help soon!
0livegreen   
Jan 14, 2013
Undergraduate / Road to prosperity; UT transfer -(Personal issue essay) for Radio/Television/Film [3]

I completely agree with your statement, I think teachers writers and filmmakers should be equally respected for their merit alongside doctors, engineers and programmers. This essay is very inspirational and very personal, so kudos! I have no complaints, unless you want to make it a teeny bit more personal by adding a little bit more about why you changed your mind about computer programming and how much you love doing what you do. Good luck!
0livegreen   
Jan 6, 2013
Undergraduate / liberal arts and gainsbourg / Union College Supplements [2]

assistance would be much appreciated! thanks!

What excites you about Union? (1000 char each)
What I look for in an ideal school is an importance on liberal arts and culture, a friendly nurturing community and lively vibe. The campus is also quite fetching and sophisticated, a place I would proudly wander in my quest for knowledge. I can see myself spending the hours curled up with a book in hand at the Schaffer Library, with its wide sunlit windows. I see myself participating in festivals and group organizations, learning about new cultures and traveling overseas to reach places I've only seen in catalogues and travel guides. I see myself contributing to humanity with my research in human behavior, earning the interest and respect of my colleagues. For me knowledge is a deep fountain of endless possibilities, and at Union I will be ready to dive in.

What Fascinates You?
Recently, I've found myself enthralled by French culture. In my mind, France is a place for creativity, innovation, romance, melodic sounds and inviting food. The beauty of Paris shines at night, glows during the day and enchants in the rain. The country captivates my love for art, with galleries on every corner and with intricate architecture, complete with its own antique charms and modern designs. The language is itself music to hear; even simple sentences can form their own song. Listening to Serge Gainsbourg and Yann Tiersen allow me to dissolve the Atlantic Ocean and to step right into my alter-ego, in which I am a Parisian walking home from the local boulangerie with a baguette in my arms. However, I am yet to actually step onto French soil. I am patient, because I want my imagination to continue spinning yarns of what I expect France to be, nervous that if it isn't at all like what the countless novels, poems, paintings and songs had told me, I'd be disappointed. I plan on seeing Paris, Montremarte, Cherbourg and Normandy someday, but until then, I will continue to dream.
0livegreen   
Jan 6, 2013
Essays / Beginning an Essay on Capital Punishment [7]

On AugestAugust 9th 1984 at 2:45am Kirk Noble Bloodsword, an honorably discharged US Marine with no criminal record was arrested and charged for the gruesome murder and rape of 9 year old Dawn Hamilton. Bloodsworth was found guilty due to 5 eye witnesses and was sentenced to death. There was just one problem: the defendant, Kirk Bloodsworth was innocent of the crime and wrongfully convicted.

Due to many cases in which individuals are wrongfully convicted, the enormous expense of prosecution, and not effectivelythe ineffective deterring of criminals, the capital punishment should not be reintroduced in to Canada.

I think this is okay, it certainly draws the reader in because of its emotional factor. I'm assuming the government never recognized their mistake/apologized to the family of Bloodsword? If not, maybe you could mention it? The titles a bit awkward, how about, "The system that buries its mistakes"? I hope I helped :0
0livegreen   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / SYRACUSE SHORT ANSWER SUPPLEMENT QUESTIONS, check grammar and what not [2]

i hope i can help you with grammar and whatnot
I must admit that there is no miraculous story or some sign from above that influenced me to apply to Syracuse University, the major force that influenced me to apply to Syracuse was my brother in law. ----- ------ is the man of the house, he is my sister's husband and he commands respect with every action he makes. I respect him very much and that is why he played such an important role in my application to Syracuse. ----- knew that I was on a college search that mainly focused on civil engineering, ...Long story short, I fell in love with Syracuse and the engineering program it offered, and now I'm hereand so, here i am applying and hoping to join the Syracuse family.

seems kind of bland, any other, more personal reasons?

2. Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?

Madison Square Garden went through renovations this past summer, the hard work put in by the engineers, architects, and other workers was exposed through a MSG network special which showed the garden transformed. My future and ultimate goal is to become a civil engineer and to be part of a project that will affect peoples lives and create memories, maybe even to such a scale as that of the work put in by the engineers of Madison Square Garden. I believe that the training provided to the students of the LC Smith College of Engineering, and the hard work I can put in, can help me be part of major projects and become the successful person I want to be.There is an endless list of people who have achieved greatness and that I personally look up to, but I must say I can only dream of being a better version of myself. I look up to others to help me I strongly believe Syracuse University can help mebecome that which I admire (achieve admirable status? or maybe achieve admirable traits?). (yes okay, but how? i think they want details about their programs here)

3. If you have had work experience, what skills and/or knowledge did you gain?

this is written okay but i think they want skills/knowledge that will be significant in life. answering the phone is important but maybe you should try to milk it here or make up some people-skills you learned.
0livegreen   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Psychology is alive at Cornell/ Intellectual interests, their evolution.. [5]

College of Arts and Sciences:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

One day, my father sat with me on the couch of his tiny apartment with a heavy book in his hand. At the time, I was only 10 and my attention was currently being held by flipping channels on his little TV. Finally, after failing to find something interesting, I glanced at what he was reading. It turned out to be a book used to interpret symbolism in dreams, and had sparked most of our conversation that day. Later on, I learned that books like this had arisen from one man's theory that dreams are the brain's method of revealing secrets about the subconscious. Fascinated, I ventured on to the Psychology sections of bookstores for years trying to understand people in a way that would the average person on the street wouldn't. As an adolescent, I was passionately involved in my college psychology class and am still very grateful to my psychology teacher for introducing me to the wonders of Carl Jung, Sigmund Freud and Watson. I could rant on about how amazing the fact that there are more connections in the brain than atoms in the universe is. The fact that the brain is so complex and misunderstood still in today's "modern" setting only attracts my interest even more. Psychology constantly demands the phrase, "why?" and the answer is at times subjective, meaning dynamic and alive. For me, psychology still lies in the fixed pages of books, but at Cornell, psychology could lie in discussions and debates, in research and science, very much alive, the way I know it can be.

I know it needs more, the limit is 500 and I'm at about 250. Any suggestions would be much appreciated!
0livegreen   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / My reality after my best friend committed suicide; Common App/ Significant Influence [18]

this is written beautifully, i love the imagery you provide and the tone of it. however, it's really heavy stuff so it's a good thing you made it sound positive at the end. the important thing is that you learned something positive from the experience right? maybe you could mention some other things you learned to appreciate from the experience, specifically speaking?
0livegreen   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Our new Art Club President!; Stony Brook Honors; Experience [4]

thanks, is this better? it's exactly 500 now :D

"Let's count the ballots"
"Okay, could you do it? I'll be right back." I said as I left the room to make a phone call.
"Sure."
When I came back, everyone in the room was smiling at me.
"There she is! Our new Art Club President!" I heard my art teacher's voice say. I spun around; she had written my name on the board, following the word "President".

My friends and I had been speaking of this day for a while, wondering if it would be possible to divide the presidency into 3, since each of us wanted the title. Knowing this, my art teacher had decided to let the students of art club decide. Each of us was to give a brief 2-minute speech of why we thought we deserved the presidency. Being the last speech, after hearing the wonderful, motivated and inspired speeches of my buddies, I felt like I couldn't even compare. I wanted so badly for one of them to win after hearing their speeches - each of them really cared about representing art club. With this in mind, I got up and smiled to my audience of 25, and gave the most modest speech I could give, ending with:

"I really don't mind if you don't pick me, the other two are just as great. And even if only one of us wins, we all represent art club, because we each care about it so much."

After counting the ballots, it appeared as if I had won by a landslide - with about a 10-ballot difference. After the election, many freshmen had begun asking me for assistance on their art projects, specifically paintings after seeing the ones I frequently carry to and from the art room. One freshman, whose name escapes me at the moment, told me her favorite medium was watercolor, which also happened to be mine and so we discussed for most of the hour about why we loved it so much. After the senior presidents of art club had graduated, I had hoped that the new president would be just as friendly and approachable as the last. I never thought that it would be my job to preserve the welcoming atmosphere that art club bestows on its members.

It hit me then that while I may be modest and reserved, people actually looked up to me and valued my opinions. That decision had honestly been a turning moment this year, because I always saw myself as a sort of supporting character, a sidekick who helps the needy one step at a time. I hoped that my efforts would cause ripple effects, that maybe I could start something big by doing something small. However, becoming president of art club showed me that I didn't need to wait for people to notice me, because they already had. With this in mind, my confidence has increased tenfold, and now I feel like it is possible even for someone like me to represent a large group of people.
0livegreen   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Val- Kill / Gaining confidence & speaking skills/ My dad ;Barnard Sup [5]

I might be wrong, but isn't it not a good idea to share your political views on the application/supplements? I mean, most of Barnard is probably democratic/liberal but still - i think it's a bit risky? As far as the community one goes - I like it a lot so I only fixed some little grammatical errors:

Community - educational, geographic, religious, political, ethnic, or other - can define an individual's experience and influence her journey. How has your community, as you identify it, shaped your perspective?

I'm sorry i couldn't do more, my answers to Barnard's supplements were really different, maybe it would help you if you saw them?
0livegreen   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Our new Art Club President!; Stony Brook Honors; Experience [4]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

"Let's count the ballots"
"Okay, could you do it? I'll be right back." I said as I left the room to make a phone call.
"Sure."
When I came back, everyone in the room was smiling at me.
"There she is! Our new Art Club President!" I heard my art teacher's voice say. I spun around; she had written my name on the board, following the word "President".

My two friends and I had been speaking of this day for a while, wondering if it would be possible to divide the presidency into 3, since each of us wanted the title. Knowing this, my art teacher had decided to let the students of art club decide. Each of us was to give a brief 2-minute speech of why we thought we should be president. Being the last speech, after hearing the wonderful, motivated and inspired speeches of my buddies, I felt like I couldn't even compare. I wanted to badly for one of them to win after hearing their speeches - each of them really cared about representing art club. With this in mind, I got up and smiled to my audience of 25, and gave the most modest speech I could give, finishing off with:

"I really don't mind if you don't pick me, the other two are just as great. And even if only one of us wins, we all represent art club, because we each care about it so much."

After counting the ballots, it appeared as if I had won by a landslide - with about a 10-ballot difference. It hit me then that while I may be modest and reserved, people actually looked up to me and valued my opinions. That decision had honestly been a turning moment this year, because I always saw myself as a sort of background supporting character, a sidekick who helps the needy one step at a time. I hoped that my efforts would cause ripple effects, and maybe I could start something big by doing something small. However, becoming the president of art club showed me that I didn't need to wait for people to notice me, because they already had. With this in mind, my confidence has increased tenfold, and now I feel like it is possible even for someone like me to represent a large group of people.

it's about 100 words short, i know i need to add stuff but I'm not sure what? It's 500 words max and right now I have about 400. help would be much appreciated! thanks!
0livegreen   
Dec 24, 2012
Undergraduate / Opportunities/Mulan/Personal/Majored in unafraid/ Boaring Community; Barnard [5]

1000 characters each

- How did you first learn about Barnard College and what factors have influenced your decision to apply? Why do you think the College would be a good match for you?

During my search for a new educational nest, I looked at multiple liberal arts colleges, because I wish to meet people who share my varied interests in literature, philosophy, language, social studies and the humanities. I first heard of Barnard through my guidance counselor after my parents asked about colleges whose names have influential reputations. She mentioned Barnard as having an "artsy" community of students with a high concentration on academics. After requesting information from Barnard's website, I was surprised to read the interesting facts and statistics that prove women who study at all women's colleges end up doing better overall. Another component of Barnard that I loved was its focus on diversity and confidence. As an ethnic minority female, it is often a struggle to relate to the masses. As a student whose main focus is on academics and becoming an overall well-rounded individual, I think Barnard would be a wonderful opportunity to join a community of intelligent, confident and sophisticated women.

- Pick one woman in history or fiction to converse with for an hour and explain your choice. What would you talk about?
The ancient Chinese poem, The Ballad of Mulan was the inspiration for multiple stories, folklore and even a Disney movie. The story of Mulan is incredibly inspiring for young women everywhere however, I personally associated her story with mine being an only child of working class parents. Sitting down with this headstrong, selfless woman would be an absolute honor for me. I would ask her about her struggles in the army, and how she overcame any insecurities she faced being a woman in a man's world. I would just feel like listening to everything she said, because I'm sure she would have a lot to say and before going to the army I'm sure not many people listened to her. I would tell her how the role of women has changed, and how certain societal expectations for women have not changed.

- Alumna and writer Anna Quindlen says that she "majored in unafraid" at Barnard. Tell us about a time when you majored in unafraid.
A work of art essentially is a product of the artist's personal feelings, opinions and overall understanding of the world. To put this on display during a critique in an art class, studio, or workshop can be frightening and challenging, especially if you don't know your classmates very well. I have been through many official and unofficial "critiques" as I've lugged around my artwork from place to place. For me, "majoring in unafraid" means willingly sharing something personal even if you know that not everyone is going to approve. I make artwork because it I enjoy it, and not for anyone's praise or approval. In my opinion, the best critiques are when people disagree and share constructive criticism rather than just approving and saying that it is "good".

- Community - educational, geographic, religious, political, ethnic, or other - can define an individual's experience and influence her journey. How has your community, as you identify it, shaped your perspective?

Upon looking at the demographics of my local community, one will find that 85% of the population is white, the median household income is well above the state's and country's average, and the population of minorities are left in the single digits. Upon transitioning to Woodmere Middle School from my little public school in Bayside, Queens, I thought I would never feel at home here. "Fitting in" to my community had been a real challenge for me at first. However, I learned that sometimes it is our differences that should bring us together, and that we have a lot to learn from each other. From growing up in Hewlett, I learned to look beyond one's appearance because although someone may seem very different from you, this individual might end up becoming your best friend.

i feel like some are too short or too vague i don't even know what I'm doing helppdsakdsa
0livegreen   
Dec 24, 2012
Undergraduate / Excitement of meeting my new brother;Significant influence/Pharmacy Schools/CommonApp [2]

As I gaze at the neatly framed photo next to my bed and I am instantly overwhelmed with many bittersweet memories at once. The first was of my mother, whose grin stretched beyond her ears as she stared in awe at the two faint and fuzzy lines. Second were of the heaps of "Big Sister!" shirts in infinite shades of pink . Last were of the occasional trips to the same place: a tiny and dimly lit room with walls lined with various pictures of babies and a rather lengthy chair next to an odd beeping machine I never got used to. Each visit was rewarded with yet another hazy black and white picture my parents pasted in our family scrapbook. I remember giving in to the contagious excitement of meeting my new brother, but my eagerness was cut short. I finally break away from the photo and return to reality as the word echoes in my mind-stillborn.

Even at four years old, I could sense the intensity between my parents. I felt pressured to make the atmosphere relaxed again. My efforts failed miserably when we returned to the familiarly harsh hospital(too many adj?) for an autopsy report. Caressed in my father's arms, I was at eye level with the white coat as he droned endlessly about "pharmaceutical drugs", "deadly side effects", "exposure to prescribed medicine during pregnancy", and topped it off with the famous and anticipated "I'm sorry for your loss". As I grew up, those overused five words gently dissolved into nothing. What is there to be sorry for? Because of my brother, I learned there is nothing I can experience that will compare-even the slightest-to death. There is no reason to sulk and wonder about the "what if's".

I have gained invaluable understanding of platonic love while most of my peers did not. I feel responsible for righting the wrongs, avenging my brother, and educating others about the imminent dangers of pharmaceutical drugs if side effects are not taken seriously. I am allowed this life to experience what I did and that in itself is reason enough why I am passionate about preventing others from wandering into the same path.

My brother's death isn't as tragic as many people make it to be. He has given me purpose and prepared me for life's downs. He has taught me precious lessons and that I need to simply be grateful for what life offers me. He has helped me find myself and inspired me to help others. Because of this, there is no reason for anyone to be sorry, as he has always been a blessing and never a loss to me. I turn back to look at the framed sonogram on my drawer a last time before making my way to pharmacy shadow,(?) and remember everything he's given me.

I like how the mood changes midway, although it's pretty heavy stuff. I love the way you write! Besides insignificant errors, its perfectly fine. This is my first time editing so I apologize if i did anything wrong.