Undergraduate /
The land of opportunities; Berea Essay- Education+ Life experience Overview/ Plans [6]
The land of opportunities, the dream land, the land of luxury are just some of the names used to depict the United States. or something like that rephrase the end of the sentence
NEVERR start I sentence with but , rephrase the sentence
"Being quality education one of my main priorities..."
"Berea is the place where I will be able to improve my traits such as leadership, studentship, sportsmanship, all these contributing to being a better human being."
"I always dreamt about studying in USA. This is not just my dream, but also that of my parents."
"Unlike my father's side of the family, my mother's relatives are uneducated, some of them have barely completed high school and others have not even been able to reach such level of education."
" It is because of this that my family looks on to me as the person who will live up to their dreams, achieving all that they couldn't."
"But there has been always a great hindrance, money. This is the thing that has always prevented me, my family to get what we have wanted." Once again never start a sentence with but.
"Yet I have never complained and I never will"
"Despite this financial setback they have never failed to fulfill my wishes."
"Because of all these expectation from all these people including my parents I want to take the big step of getting educated at Berea" you can't start a sentence with because.
"I got to know about the undergraduate programs accessible for me at USA quite a while ago."
"My search went on only through the internet, till I found out about EducationUSA an organization which works under the US government which helps students, with the most updated and accurate information on higher studies in the USA."
"Why do I wish to be part of Berea? "
"As my main intention is to learn, I looked for all the advantages I have in Berea, and as far as I saw there are only advantages for me: everywhere." Rephrase
"The community I will get to be part at Berea will be perfect for me to flourish my volunteer and leadership skills."
But I am very lucky that with the guidelines of my adviser at the EducationUSA I found out about Berea. Again the same issue with starting sentences with but.
'I do plan to return to my country after the completion of my Bachelors, but that would be only for a short visit. "I plan on graduating in Engineering through the Dual Degree program or a Masters, back in the US."
Then wish to be head off to get a PhD in the field of Physics, the one that I would be greatly engrossed in while doing my Bachelors. The end of this sentence is confusing.
Overall I've gone over some of the grammar issues they are several verb tenses make sure to use the same tense throughout the whole essay. Some of the sentences should be rephrased I understand what you are trying to say, but they are not correctly written down. You should try to be more specific about why you want to go to Berea for example mention one of their courses and what seems appealing about it , or a research project that's well known at that college something like that. Still basically I just wrote down some suggestions you can still make some of the changes in the things I previously mentioned. Also don't use contractions I forgot to change that instead of writing couldn't write "could not".
